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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really fed up with "accommodating" colleague

105 replies

Ceci03 · 13/04/2022 15:45

So for background - I've been having a problem with my manager being very inflexible around times etc. So today my colleague is in the office by herself - I would usually be in but have covid - and she works 8-4. I've been on email with her a lot of the day and she said she offered to stay until 5pm as "it's only an hour" and she has things to do. It's just pissing me off. As she knows my struggle with the manager, and she's making me look even worse by being so 'flexible' and the manager doesn't care, she just walks all over her and my colleague doesnt even see that. I mean, I've always been very flexible, and have stayed late, come in early, but when I asked for a small flexibility from the manager, she said no, and has been pretty mean about it, so I've started logging my hours, and requesting time off in lieu which I've never ever done before. Colleague knows all this. AH it just annoys me. She is obviously just 'sucking up' to the manager and it's none of my business. It's just when people do this, they make employees who are "just doing their job" look like they're not doing enough. Or something. Anyone else understand what I mean

OP posts:

that1970shouse · 13/04/2022 16:40

@Ceci03

PS I used to be like this colleague, until I wised up. And yeah you're right. Not my business.

You were probably annoying those two colleagues who ended up leaving. It's karma in action.

ChameFangeNail · 13/04/2022 16:46

I understand what you mean.

I had similar issues with a colleague when my mum died and their mum died within a week of each other.

My mums death was sudden and unexpected but my colleague’s mum’s death was a long time coming and so my colleague had had a chance to prepare themselves for the inevitable.

I was a jibbering wreck for months and months afterwards. The shock and grief floored me. Unfortunately I was going through all this in parallel with my colleague, who was managing much better than I was. But I felt like I was being compared to them. Like, ‘oh colleague is coping okay, why aren’t you?’ sort of thing.

Of course the real issue was that shut management saw me struggling and did fuck all about it. And used my colleague as an excuse not to see the need to offer me any support.

Which I think is what you’re talking about in your situation.

Chewbecca · 13/04/2022 16:48

Can you elaborate on the problems that have arisen between you and your manager?
That's the crux of this.

CrowAndArrow · 13/04/2022 16:48

I'm a manager. We have staff who are super felixble (like moving things in their diaries or come in with an hours notice). We are very grateful to them. Some staff are not flexible at all and that's okay too because we can't force anyone.

I don't think anything of it.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 13/04/2022 16:51

Thing is, even 'accommodating' colleague will eventually get tired of being the sole person who picks up extra hours and tasks. So just let that take its course. Meanwhile, I'd get on with looking for another job given that you don't like your manager and apparently there's a shortage of work to do. It would be wise to jump before you get pushed.

Sapphirejane · 13/04/2022 16:58

I get it OP. I have a colleague who unnecessarily is online constantly, whilst on holiday, late at night etc. It then becomes the expected norm and when others don’t follow suit they look bad for having balance to their life.

Cocomarine · 13/04/2022 16:58

Also a manager, and just see different positives in each of my team.

In the past, I had one colleague who was utterly inflexible, never helped anyone else when quiet, left dead on time every day (no-one should do unpaid hours, but interview we were told that informally we had to expect 2-3 long days a month).
She was able to do this, as she had the easiest job. Not being catty, we were split historically across different accounts. Made up explanation: say we all took calls from large accounts from 08:00-19:00, and just by luck she got the one small account who only called from 12:00-14:00.

My boss pissed everyone else off by holding her up as a shining example of time management, criticising us for staying late and not being as organised as her 🙄

This is entirely her choice, stop criticising.

user1471538283 · 13/04/2022 17:01

I've always worked so hard and been so flexible and the few times when I've not been my line managers have been so put out. I still do more than most but I no longer work very long hours.

I had a colleague who would save emails to send at 6am or 9pm and then accept praise for it.

Stick to your guns!

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 13/04/2022 17:04

Are you the person that keeps posting about wanting to work 8 - 4 instead of 9 - 5 to save on parking but your manager said no? If so, surely anyone willing to work until 5 is a good thing.

You post about being unhappy there so often that it's probably time to start looking for a new job. Your colleague isn't the problem.

alexdgr8 · 13/04/2022 17:14

you sound rather a difficult person to have around.
some of your statements sound childish and self centred.

OurChristmasMiracle · 13/04/2022 17:15

If anything is bought up you literally only have to say “I work my contracted hours and I am flexible when needed however I cannot work for free”

Heronwatcher · 13/04/2022 17:16

YABU sorry. If she wants to put the extra work in for her own reasons that’s her business. She may be super ambitious, love the job more than you, be having a tough time at home or have a crush on someone in the office. She might just be at a completely different stage in life. Of course you don’t have to work overtime if you don’t want to but you can’t resent her if she does want to. I really hope you’re kind and civil to her at work as the company and then by default you are benefitting from this. Incidentally I have worked once with the sorts of people who backbite colleagues for this type of thing and it was horrible.

yellowsuninthesky · 13/04/2022 17:17

@Sapphirejane

I get it too especially the thing with the colleague who had covid but was still working.

When my son was small I caught slapped cheek disease from him and needed three days off work and felt a bit grotty for a while. My colleague got it too, and went into the office because "it was easier than dealing with three kids" Well it might have been, but it made me look like a wimp because people don't accept that people react differently to different illnesses. So I completely see where you are coming from and think some of the comments on here are unduly unpleasant.

ineedsun · 13/04/2022 17:20

@NotTheOW

You have a manager problem not a colleague problem

I’d argue that they have an attitude problem too.

There’s a lot of projection in your post, accusing colleague of all sorts when actually they seem like they’re just getting on with their job in the way they want to and feel able to. It might not mirror your approach but why should she change because you want her to?

Whadda · 13/04/2022 17:23

You’ve basically made up an entire scenario in your head and are pissed off about it. That’s not healthy.

You don’t get along with your manager, and now you dislike your colleague. I think you need to look at the common denominator here.

Leftbutcameback · 13/04/2022 17:29

I wouldn’t worry. I worked with people like that and it didn’t stop them being made redundant (when I wasn’t). People need to realise that they are all dispensable and their employer won’t show them any loyalty in return. You sound like you have a good life-work balance so leave them to get on with it if they want to work on their days off (which is more of an issue than staying an extra hour IMO).

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/04/2022 17:32

Ha. Its been about 20 years since a colleague said to me, "Stop working so hard, they'll start expecting it from all of us!"

3 months later I was managing her.

You can't change what other people do. Not your manager, not her. You can only change what you do. So either accept that your hours are your hours, or look for another job.

OatmilkandCookies · 13/04/2022 17:35

Covering your meetings etc - is that not your colleague doing you a solid so you don't have to struggle through it with covid? I don't get your issue with her at all.
If your manager is being inflexible, it's her your issue is with, not this colleague.

beechie12 · 13/04/2022 17:39

She would annoy me too

LadyMacduff · 13/04/2022 17:39

I do get what you mean.

I think people like this who go above and beyond are well meaning but they do make people who are doing a perfectly acceptable job look sub-par. Not everyone can go above and beyond on every task because they maybe have a wider brief than someone else, or they have responsibilities meaning they can't always put work first. I've been the over-performer before when I was entry-level, a limited workload and zero responsibilties.

On the other hand, everyone is entitled to try and get ahead in their career, and she doesn't owe you anything in that sense.

contrelamontre · 13/04/2022 17:43

You are in self-centred victim mode. It's totally unreasonable. If you are unhappy at work, start looking elsewhere. This is entirely your problem. Your colleague is doing absolutely nothing wrong.

beechie12 · 13/04/2022 17:43

I have found in the past that these 'over achievers' are usually doing the same work and sometimes are less productive than others but have terrible time management

contrelamontre · 13/04/2022 17:46

'over achiever'? Colleague is staying on an extra hour at work.

ddl1 · 13/04/2022 17:47

Unless she is refusing to co-operate with a work-to-rule organized by a union (which doesn't seem to be the case), YABU to be angry with her. Be angry with your manager. The colleague may enjoy the work, or particularly need the money, or may feel more vulnerable because she's part-time. In any case, she's not the reason for your manager's inflexibility.

Fuckityfucksake · 13/04/2022 18:01

YABU
You do you OP and let others get on with their own business.
It sounds like you don't much like your job (nor those you work with), I'd look for another in your shoes.
Just to give another perspective too - I'm in a managerial position and have a co manager. I do a lot of OT when necessary and my co manager not so much. To outsiders he probably looks lazy or selfish....
The reality and truth of the matter is he has a very young family, a wife that works FT with minimal help for childcare and a few health issues going on too. I, on the other hand, have a DH that works 3/4 days shifts , no dependants nor anyone at home now and get bored easily so I don't mind taking the brunt of it temporarily. I often joke I'd like to swap and he do the work OT and I'd like to go play with the babies :)
So not everyone who appears to go above and beyond is arse kissing nor stepping on you to climb up a ladder - we all have our own reasons for doing things.

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