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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really fed up with "accommodating" colleague

105 replies

Ceci03 · 13/04/2022 15:45

So for background - I've been having a problem with my manager being very inflexible around times etc. So today my colleague is in the office by herself - I would usually be in but have covid - and she works 8-4. I've been on email with her a lot of the day and she said she offered to stay until 5pm as "it's only an hour" and she has things to do. It's just pissing me off. As she knows my struggle with the manager, and she's making me look even worse by being so 'flexible' and the manager doesn't care, she just walks all over her and my colleague doesnt even see that. I mean, I've always been very flexible, and have stayed late, come in early, but when I asked for a small flexibility from the manager, she said no, and has been pretty mean about it, so I've started logging my hours, and requesting time off in lieu which I've never ever done before. Colleague knows all this. AH it just annoys me. She is obviously just 'sucking up' to the manager and it's none of my business. It's just when people do this, they make employees who are "just doing their job" look like they're not doing enough. Or something. Anyone else understand what I mean

OP posts:

FilledSoda · 13/04/2022 18:04

Scenarios like this always remind me of an old boss who worked ridiculous hours and would literally sneak in at 6am on his holiday time .
It turned out he was completely incompetent and doing some shady things he didn't want discovered .
I don't this this is the case with your colleague obviously, she just being a martyr . She'll end up even more bitter than you when she realises no one gives a shit .

GatoradeMeBitch · 13/04/2022 18:07

But you say it's what you used to do until you realized it wasn't reciprocal. Your co-worker might have the same epiphany at some point but it's not fair to be annoyed with her because she's not on the exact same page as you.

ManyATime · 13/04/2022 18:10

Yes, you sound like my sort of person, OP. I sometimes feel the concept of ‘sucking up’ has been lost these days. I’m with you!

alwayslearning789 · 13/04/2022 18:13

Y.A.B.U.

ilovebrie8 · 13/04/2022 18:15

It’s difficult OP. I know what you mean though I’ve got a colleague who works lots of extra hours early starts late finishes etc...I can’t do that and won’t do it. Happy to put in a shift but I know what you mean it can reflect on others .. when one person does this ...

TokenGinger · 13/04/2022 18:16

YABU.

I felt a bit sorry for you from your first post, but in further comments, you just sound nasty. She isn't a doormat for being committed to her job, reliable and flexible.

I've been both a manager and a team member and I never thought anymore of the more flexible members of my team than those without flexibility, as I understood they didn't have flexibility for a reason.

I'm like your colleague - never take time off sick, will check my emails on days off, will log on on the weekend if I need to. I don't do this because it's expected, but because I like to keep on top of things. I think no less of my teammates who do not do this. It's down to personal preference. It's certainly not expected of me, and I'm absolutely not a doormat.

Hont1986 · 13/04/2022 18:17

So you work to rule and your colleague goes the extra mile.

Let us know how that has worked out for you in a year.

Abhannmor · 13/04/2022 18:18

Your colleague will learn the hard way. Until then there's no point dwelling on it. I can totally relate though, having been in a similar situation.

bringincrazyback · 13/04/2022 18:22

@Hont1986

So you work to rule and your colleague goes the extra mile.

Let us know how that has worked out for you in a year.

Are you an employer by any chance?

ineedsun · 13/04/2022 18:28

I love my job and I work in a role supporting people so because of that I will happily go the extra mile and have done for over thirty years.

I don’t do it because I’m sucking up or incompetent, I’m not doing shady deals, I just care about the people I support and the people I work with so if I can help through flexibility I will.

I know that some people can’t and don’t want to do that and that’s fine as long as they pull their weight during work hours.

Pretty sure that if I was going to ‘learn’ it would have happened already. Such cynicism and negativity on here, it’s sad really.

user1471504747 · 13/04/2022 18:46

YABU

So far you’ve complained that your manager is inflexible and unfair - both based on not letting you finish at 4.

Now you’re annoyed at colleague staying an extra hour once when I’m a recent post it sounded like you were frequently doing an extra half hour in the morning.

You’re annoyed at your colleague in multiple posts for doing extra work etc but now in this post you claim you’ve done the exact same historically until now. A lot of it is none of your business anyway and there may be other things you are unaware of.

And also that TL takes confidentiality too far. And that you don’t like being back in the office. And that people don’t support the same change you want at work.

Honestly OP it mostly seems that you’re annoyed that people don’t agree with you, don’t let you do what you want, and don’t work the exact same way as you.

I don’t think your MN threads are really helping you, maybe channel that energy into applying for new roles. Perhaps a WFH role with less emphasis on teamwork would suit you more.

TheGrinchsDog · 13/04/2022 18:49

This is your 3rd thread about this job. I can't remember but I think you said you were looking elsewhere? Keep looking.

YABU here I think. I was with you about your manager being unreasonable but I think you are just at the point of being set off by everything there now and you need to take a mental step back to distance yourself while you look for more suitable employment elsewhere.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/04/2022 18:58

Agree with PPs. You keep complaining about your place of work, but won't take the practical advice you are being given.

I suspect you are someone who basically likes to moan & complain, without taking action to improve things.

How the employee behaves & utilises her time is no business of hours.

Keep on with that job search

SkirridHill · 13/04/2022 19:11

I think I've had you as a colleague OP. The fact that I was happy to help out seemed to infuriate her. She's now sat in an office on her own, because she's so fucking miserable and bitches so incessantly, nobody will work with her.

Original poster

Ceci03 · 13/04/2022 19:27

Some of you on here have completely the wrong end of the stick about me. And are pretty harsh.

And yes actually I'm waiting for a call back about an interview I did today. Cannot wait to leave this job.

A lot of you are right though -it is the manager's "mismanagement" that has led to this situation. Anyway, fingers crossed I will be handing in my notice very soon.

OP posts:

EarringsandLipstick · 13/04/2022 19:31

Cannot wait to leave this job.

I would say that feeling will be mutual

Your concerns are valid; your way of handling is not. As a manager, I can see through your behaviour - you don't want solutions, you want your own way.

Original poster

Ceci03 · 13/04/2022 19:32

@SkirridHill

No that's not me at all. I was the person who 'helped out' incessantly, and was ultra flexible, letting other colleagues pick their days in to suit their personal lives, never complained, never said boo. And then one day I asked could I work 8-4 ONLY on the days when it was possible i.e. I said I would never ask anyone else to change their times, but was it necessary for say 3 of us to be there from 4-5 when I could start at 8. Anyway, some of you will never 'get it' I don't think. My request was very very reasonable and there was no reason to say no, except she did. And what upsets me is my colleague knows this, I confided in her the day I asked for the flexible arrangment, and I was crying, and she saw me and I ended up telling her what happened. And it was just the way she offered to stay until 5pm today,although she had been in since 8, and just belittled it by saying 'ah it's only an hour it doesnt matter' and she is the one with a toddler at home and lives 1.5 hours away in a car, without traffic, so it's going to take her 2.5 hours to get home tonight if she leaves at 5. But it's her business I guess. I really need to get out of this job. It's driving me nuts.

OP posts:

KylieKoKo · 13/04/2022 19:33

Fingers crossed @ceci03

contrelamontre · 13/04/2022 19:33

@Ceci03 are you in any small part responsible for your difficulties at work or is it all the fault of your manager and your colleague?

Original poster

Ceci03 · 13/04/2022 19:35

@EarringsandLipstick

Cannot wait to leave this job.

I would say that feeling will be mutual

Your concerns are valid; your way of handling is not. As a manager, I can see through your behaviour - you don't want solutions, you want your own way.

How have I mis-handled anything? How do you "see through me as a manger"...??? Obviously I am venting here and havent said any of this to anyone at work!

OP posts:

Original poster

Ceci03 · 13/04/2022 19:37

[quote contrelamontre]@Ceci03 are you in any small part responsible for your difficulties at work or is it all the fault of your manager and your colleague?[/quote]
I am only responsible for being a stupid cunt to think that flexibility went both ways. For our manager, it goes one way - she takes, we give, then everything is fine. As evidenced by my colleague. She is wise I guess. I just cant be bothered sucking up to her as it's never reciprocated.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ceci03 · 13/04/2022 19:37

*cant be bothered sucking up to her ANY MORE, I should have said.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ceci03 · 13/04/2022 19:40

Yeah of course I'm the "awkward one" now. Because I dared to ask for something.

OP posts:

EarringsandLipstick · 13/04/2022 19:42

How have I mis-handled anything?

Based on your previous posts where you had legitimate issues with your manager's approach but wouldn't take advice to approach them maturely & constructively. You could not also see that the manager cannot just give you what you want, automatically.

On this thread, you are taking a colleagues (possibly over) flexible approach as a slight on you - it's nothing to do with you.

Hopefully the job application goes well for you & you find a role that suits you better. I mean that sincerely.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/04/2022 19:43

@Ceci03

Yeah of course I'm the "awkward one" now. Because I dared to ask for something.

See, that's what I mean.

You are not 'awkward' because you asked for something. You are awkward due to the approach you take, and the fact you personalise it all.

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