Have you heard the phrase, “restorative time in, not punitive time out”? (think it’s Alfie Kohn)
It resonated with me.
At that age - any age up to 14 which is my experience to date! - I’m with PPs: I never saw a “bad” behaviour without a cause. Hunger, tiredness, over stimulation, immaturity (hardly their fault!), hormones - in older years.
Big disclaimer that I had one and they responded well to the approach. I’m not smug enough to say it’s guaranteed for all, or as easy to do with other children around.
It’s time consuming too. For children who will go to the step, that’s far easier than actually thinking through the issue and being present with them.
The TV going off?
Don’t underestimate empathy.
Sitting down with them and saying, “you do love watching don’t you? I bet it made you feel really sad that I turned it off.”
In my experience, that would lead to her expressing emotions healthily - for her age. She’d stomp and say “YES!”
Then I’d say, “I understand. But here’s why I did . Would you like to come and do x, or do you need a few minutes to feel cross about it?”
It might sound wanky to some… but it worked. I’ve never used a time out.
I hate the idea of dumping a small undeveloped brain to sit and “reflect” away from me, feeling punished.
Boundaries were always set later, when calm. If it was shouting about the TV, I let it go - occasionally, they just can’t control.
If it was more serious, I’d leave it until we were all calm and bring it up as a discussion. 9/10 I got an unsolicited cuddle and sometimes apology before bringing it up though. When I did bring it up, I didn’t say, “don’t behave like that” - I’d say, “hey - you were really earlier?” and let it flow from there.
Children of that age rarely CHOOSE bad behaviour.