Page 5 | How many friends do you have

peacock101 · 2022-04-13T05:57:36+00:00

As an adult how many friends would you consider that you actually have, where you'll meet up with them in real life? I'd say I have less than 10 and closer to five that I'd get into deep conversation with. Meet ups are rare and the diary is often open and available.

wonkygorgeous · 13/04/2022 14:30

Known one for 47 years
Another for 36 years
Another for 21 years
And the latest 20 years.

I would trust these friends with anything. We speak about once a week.

I make friends rarely but the ones I have I love dearly.

needmorethanthis · 13/04/2022 14:36

2 close friends who I could call at 3am in an emergency from anywhere in the world and who I see at weekends. I’ve known for more than 20 years. Half a dozen other friends who I see for coffee/fun/chats/cinema but I wouldn’t come before their closer friends. I’ve also just started a new job and have a couple of new work buddy’s who I see for lunch/coffee. I don’t have a friendship “group”. Multiple mates who all know each other and celebrate birthdays and go on holidays together. I used to but I found that kind of group exhausting and required lots of compromise.

needmorethanthis · 13/04/2022 14:38

I actually don’t understand how people find the time (on top of a full time job and small children plus a relationship plus parents who want some of my time) to have multiple close and deep friendships. They take time and effort right? Where, when and how!!

Mreggsworth · 13/04/2022 15:08

1 best friend - talk everyday, see about once every 6 weeks (lives quite far away, have to stay over night)

6 very good friends - talk to them every few days, will meet up with one of them maybe every fortnight)

5 good friends who are local and we will meet up for dog walls/ coffee / wine nights. Will see atleast one of those every couple of days.

3 what I class as good friends, but only see once or twice a year, but when we do meet it's like no time has passed, will usually spend a few days together (they live far away)

I also have 8 friends who are 'couple friends' not girl friends. I'll go out for dinner with them or for bbqs maybe twice a year with my boyfriend.

So in total 23.

In terms of the ones I know have got my back and will drop everything for me I'd say 4 friends.

I'd say 9 of those friends know very deep, personal things about me, and I'm able to confide in them, and vice versa.

SexyPortugese · 13/04/2022 16:20

@needmorethanthis

I actually don’t understand how people find the time (on top of a full time job and small children plus a relationship plus parents who want some of my time) to have multiple close and deep friendships. They take time and effort right? Where, when and how!!

They do take time and effort, everyone is different in how they like to maintain friendships though. Some people value frequent messaging or phone calls to stay in touch. Personally I'm very much someone who wants to actually see friends in person and so I prioritise making plans to meet up (usually several weeks into the future) and then don't tend to speak to them a whole lot in-between barring a few close friends who I'll text lengthy messages to once per week or so. I work, have a toddler, a marriage, and a parent, but friendships are so important to me, they're my family so it's no different to someone else who is able to see their blood family regularly because it's something they make happen.

As an example of fitting it in over the next fortnight:

One weeknight after toddler's bedtime I'm heading to see my best friend at 20m drive away for an hour
On Saturday I'm going for a coffee with another best friend during my toddler's lunch nap (DH is home with him then) for an hour
Sunday we're visiting DH's family so we've arranged for one of his close friends to come and meet up with us as she's in that city too
The following week I'm going for dinner one evening after toddler's bedtime, and then the weekend we're seeing two separate friends for stuff, toddler will be in attendance

Some friends I see regularly (once or twice per month), others every few months, others once per year. I actually find I have loads of free time in the week and weekend tbh as there are two of us parenting so DH and I often trade off to enable one of us to go out and see people while the other stays home. I can see it being much more difficult as a single parent though.

I think you make time for the things that matter to you really, you find the time to spend on your relationship, and with your parents, so you could find the time to spend with friends too. It might not be doable to do all three every week but if friends meant as much as your relationship and family bonds you'd find a way to include them too :)

FMLIP · 13/04/2022 19:08

@TeddyisMydog

Zero. I hate it, I've never been so lonely. I have postnatal depression so it's very hard on my worst days not to have one person I could turn to

I also have zero (although it's been this way my whole adult life due to social anxiety). It is very lonely isn't it 💐

HelloDulling · 13/04/2022 21:03

@Thatswhyimacat

I think one aspect in me having maintained a lot of close friendships is that I don't have much family. People have told me they are envious of my friendship groups, but I'm similarly envious of them having lovely close knit families. At my wedding I invited 44 friends, but only had 2 blood relatives.

Me too. It’s just me and my mum; I’m the only child of two only children, so no siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles or cousins.

My friends are deeply important to me.

HelloDulling · 13/04/2022 21:12

@needmorethanthis

I actually don’t understand how people find the time (on top of a full time job and small children plus a relationship plus parents who want some of my time) to have multiple close and deep friendships. They take time and effort right? Where, when and how!!

I do almost no housework (kitchen and bathroom aside), then blitz it when the dust builds up.

But yes, maintaining friendships takes work and time.

MRex · 13/04/2022 21:31

@needmorethanthis

I actually don’t understand how people find the time (on top of a full time job and small children plus a relationship plus parents who want some of my time) to have multiple close and deep friendships. They take time and effort right? Where, when and how!!

I have a lot of my groups of friends who I've known for over 20 years; back in the day I had time to nurture those friendships. My core group has people who I met and added to it later; by luck we bonded, partly because we're all fairly robust, rude and low maintenance. They take and demand no effort, and so we all stick.

AnastasiaRomanov · 13/04/2022 21:32

Three friends who I could be honest with and trust. Only one who lives within meeting up distance and sadly I now feel it doesn’t work any longer. She has become a total recluse due to Covid and I find her exasperating and depressing now. So no one who I can actually see. It’s having a real effect on my well-being.
I do have another friend who I haven’t seen face to face in years, but I’m not sure I fully trust her.

bert3400 · 13/04/2022 21:37

I have 3 who I consider family, we are like sisters . I have about 10 others who I consider close too and would rely on if I was in any trouble and vise versa . I have another 5-10 who I would meet up for lunch/drinks . I am very sociable and belong to quite a few clubs, I also live abroad so the expat community is very sociable and close knit

Hawkins001 · 13/04/2022 21:51

I guess, a small group, one specific individual that I met via emmerdale chatting, I would consider my best friend, who I could share 99% of various topics with, the others in a small group seem mostly ok, but for them I know I can discuss around 70% of topics with.

Another specific individual is quite the gaming, friend, who seems quite good and his perspectives can be intriguing.

Hawkins001 · 13/04/2022 21:53

The gaming buddy, id also class the same as the members in the group at 70%

Flows · 13/04/2022 21:54

1 sister who I would call anytime of day for help.
Best friend passed away unexpectedly last year (only 50)
Another old friend who has just moved hundred of miles away so don’t see regularly, but could help in emergency.
1 primary school friend who I see twice a year, love spending time with them. Live long way apart.
6 friends who I meet individually for coffees and walks, I always instigate, they are always keen but never make the effort. I’ve come to find these friendships frustrating…
2 friends who i see weekly for an activity hopefully will develop into stronger friendship.

PoodlePerm · 13/04/2022 22:00

I have one close friend from uni who I can have deep convos with. We see each other every 4 months or so due to distance. In touch via messenger every few weeks, sometimes every few days. It fluctuates. It's an easy going friendship and no huge expectations either way, which is why it lasts I think.

Another friend I rarely hear from but we are there for each other if needed, when it matters. I think we're both just quite introverted and she's got a busy life.

Another friend is someone from high school I reconnected with when I moved back to home town. We meet every few weeks for coffee/kids playdate. Her 2 get on very well with my one. Again, we are both very introverted so this level of contact suits us.

I'd say all the other people I know are acquaintances. I see my SIL daily and my Mum. I'm with DH pretty much 24/7.

I find friendships tricky and feel some people want to demand a lot of my time and emotional energy. I like relaxed friendships where you know the person is there for you but isn't in constant contact. Or dropping in without messaging first!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 13/04/2022 22:11

I have 1 close friend who I could (and have) phoned any time of the day/night (and she me). Friends since we were 8. We are now 50s. Live in same city. See each other most weeks. Chat daily.

I have 2 further really close friends from school. Only see them a couple of times a year. Chat at least monthly. Feel very close emotionally to them.

I have 7 more friends that I made when my oldest daughter was a baby (she is now 20) at a baby group. Of those 7, 4 I meet with 1:1 every month or so. And the other 3 I tend to see as part of bigger gatherings. We message occasionally.

All the above supported me when my DD1 was was seriously ill a few years ago and also when my DM died last year.

In turn I have offered support to them.

I consider all these women to be good friends.

FatOaf · 13/04/2022 22:13

...

muchprefersummer · 13/04/2022 22:14

4 friends that I could literally wake up in the middle of the night if I needed anything (I've even been known to call on one after a night in the pub for more wine, another at midnight when I needed her to take DDog whilst I gave birth), another 4 that I have absolute confidence in. I have many other acquaintances but I wouldn't class them as friends that I could rely on in times of need.

TurtlesAndTropicalFish · 13/04/2022 22:15

Only 2 I can rely on and care deeply for

Stylishkidintheriot · 13/04/2022 22:41

10 real friends who I would talk to about anything and everything. But lots of other people I happily meet up with a few times a year (either individually or as part of a group)

Bouledeneige · 13/04/2022 23:24

I looked into research on this and the average person has 3-5 close friends in an inner circle who they keep up with on a regular close basis. Then they have wider circles of support up to the outer circle of people they recognise in their neighbourhood. The inner circle gives people a sense of being cared about and outer circle that they belong in a community. But this fluctuates through life by age and transitions.

I went for drinks tonight for my birthday and there will be 7 of us plus my daughter (21). So a mixture of the very close and not so close. But all lovely people.

Original poster

peacock101 · 14/04/2022 06:33

@Bouledeneige

I looked into research on this and the average person has 3-5 close friends in an inner circle who they keep up with on a regular close basis. Then they have wider circles of support up to the outer circle of people they recognise in their neighbourhood. The inner circle gives people a sense of being cared about and outer circle that they belong in a community. But this fluctuates through life by age and transitions.

I went for drinks tonight for my birthday and there will be 7 of us plus my daughter (21). So a mixture of the very close and not so close. But all lovely people.

This is really insightful and probably broadly in line with where I'd consider myself.

It's great to have those really close knit deep conversation friends, and you couldn't realistically sustain many friendships on this level.

Therefore those less frequent contact friends are good to have if they are lovely people that are great to spend time with on the off occasion as it's good to also have a mix of people to go and do things with.

OP posts:

MRex · 14/04/2022 06:44

3-5 close friends in an inner circle who they keep up with on a regular close basis
This is interesting. I see far more people than that on a regular basis where we are close enough to chat about daily life and many challenges. Those aren't who I consider to be my close friends though, who are my old friends. Distance and life stage affect actual physical presence; the closer friends don't live nearby and don't have kids the same age, if they lived round the corner then I'd see them more.

GhostofMaudFlanders · 14/04/2022 06:58

Four really good friends.

Pandemic showed that another two were just people I went for a drink with, despute being friends for over 20 years..I realised if I never saw these people again, whilst I wish them every happiness, it wouldn't bother me.

Loads of other people I'm friendly with, and have a great time if we do meet up, but they are more friendships driven by my partner. I don't really class them as 'my friends ', even after 15 years!

AnastasiaRomanov · 14/04/2022 09:26

Previous comment about who you would really miss if you never saw them again has made me think. Quite honestly, the only people I really care about in that way are my husband and children. Which is a bit depressing.