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Original poster

How many friends do you have

142 replies

peacock101 · 13/04/2022 06:57

As an adult how many friends would you consider that you actually have, where you'll meet up with them in real life?

I'd say I have less than 10 and closer to five that I'd get into deep conversation with.

Meet ups are rare and the diary is often open and available.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 13/04/2022 11:50

One friend with whom I talk regularly, videochat, meet up. Another friend who moved to a different continent in 2019, so I haven't seen her since, though we do text. Before that, we would meet for coffee once or twice a month.

And another friend who is very dear to me, though we go literally months or years without meeting up. We are both neurodivergent and shite at nurturing friendships but because we both understand that about each other, we drift in and out of each other's lives and it's like no time has passed. I saw her last month for the first time since 2018 and it was so comfortable and easy. We love each other like family and time/distance has never changed that.

Personally, I don't get lonely. I don't seek out connections and I need a lot of time alone, which my husband is very understanding about. I've never "missed" anyone in my life - my lack of object permanence extends to people, so out of sight, out of mind. Before I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, I thought I was just a horrible person because of that Blush

mrburrsir · 13/04/2022 11:54

1 old school friend who I meet with maybe once every couple of months
1 old friend from baby groups years ago, meet once every couple of weeks
1 old school friend who moved away so only see them twice a year and just chat on the phone really

always jealous when I see big group of girlfriends together :(

PollyDarton1 · 13/04/2022 11:54

Up until my ex DP and I split, he was really my only friend apart from my Mum. Whether or not he isolated me I don't know, but I could never really confide in anyone as I knew what they'd say about the relationship and I guess I didn't want to hear it.

Since we split, my social circle is much wider. I've got some absolutely amazing friends (unfortunately miles away as they were met online) who have been so amazing for helping me and advising me. I have some friends from a podcast group who meet up regularly. One of my exes is a close friend. I'm very close to my Mum and brother.

I am a bit of a loner though.

TheseDaysGoBy · 13/04/2022 12:00

Actually, upon reading other posts in here, I have 0 friends I could call upon in the night in an emergency. So I suppose my "friends" are probably more like acquaintances

1stTimeMama · 13/04/2022 12:01

Zero.

RuthW · 13/04/2022 12:03

About 4 non WI ones then loads of WI ones I go out with or contact regularly

TakeMeToKernow · 13/04/2022 12:18

4ish? I’ve got 2 “could rely on in emergency” mates and after that a couple that I could arrange a drink with and know that they’d defo keep the date. Plenty of work mates and more casual acquaintances. A 60:40 split of male to female friends. As others have said, my OH is my best friend and his company really sort of… “fills” my social/emotional need. Plus, he’s older than me - most my casual friends are casual because they have small children. His friends have grown children, so we tend to go do things with his friends.

Patented · 13/04/2022 12:20

...

Squirrelblanket · 13/04/2022 12:24

I have three close friends who I speak to and make plans with regularly. Four if you include my sister.

Then I have three other friends who I speak to and make plans with semi-regularly.

Flickflak · 13/04/2022 12:31

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

FreezyFreezy · 13/04/2022 12:33

None. I see my siblings and cousins as friends though so if you include them, 4 or 5.

DontStopMeNow7 · 13/04/2022 12:40

I don’t really have any friends. I had to cut most of my family and friends off because they are toxic. (Very long story)
Luckily I’m close to my daughter and I have a therapist who, although professional boundaries are maintained, she feels like a friend.
Socially I go to meet-ups (I’m single) so I guess I have social friends and obviously I hope some of those will turn into real friends eventually. I thought I did have friends until a year ago when I caught covid and was very sick. No one checked on me except the person I considered my best friend (have known her since I was 19 & we’re now mid forties) . However, she has very obviously ditched me since, I suspect because family members got to her after they found out we were still friends. I actually got rid of Facebook last year because I realised just how fake it all was - gave me the illusion I had friends when I didn’t plus my family were probably using it to gather info on me.
If you do want to go out and socialise I recommend Meetup.com

MyfriendArchie · 13/04/2022 12:52

1 very good friend and 3 close friends and one I met online but have never met IRL but we are in contact every day.

MyfriendArchie · 13/04/2022 12:53

Should add my sister also. She has no friends, only me and her other half.

TotallyTS · 13/04/2022 13:08

Wider social circle I guess around 35. Not all people I'm in touch with regularly but we'll go for dinner/parties occasionally.

Maybe 15 of those I'm in regular contact with and 6 or 7 are close friends.

There are other ex colleagues and friends of friends I see but generally it's group stuff organised by others so I haven't included them.

I'm pretty sociable and like spending time with people.

CustardySergeant · 13/04/2022 13:09

@BrickingIt44

Zero. Not a one.
Same here.

In fact I only know 2 people. My adult daughter and my husband. That's it. I don't know any neighbours, have any acquaintances or any other family.

I suppose it's quite funny that my hobby is making cards, considering there's no one to send them to. Grin

JanisMoplin · 13/04/2022 13:12

Have we had the "Friendships are too much drama" posts yet?:)

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 13/04/2022 13:15

9 close friends who I see regularly and whom I can rely on. Our friendships originated at differeng points of my life and with most of them, I go back a long way.

At the moment I probably have about 3 or 5 friends who are good friends but I'm less close to and then a wider circle who are more fun acquaintances for hanging out with.

Hasn't always been the case, but I put a lot of work into my friendships and have been lucky with the people in my life.

Thatswhyimacat · 13/04/2022 13:15

Genuine question that isn't intended to be a judgement on anyone - those who say they have no friends but are married, how did you meet/get to know your DH? Leaving aside reasons why people might have lost friends over the years. Those who say they don't socialise etc, what was different about forming a romantic relationship?

daffodilandtulip · 13/04/2022 13:24

Best friend from school, can text all day, then not text for days and pick up where we left off. Not local but will meet when she's "home".
Three local long term friends. Text frequently, meet up rarely (everyone happy with this). But equally when I was isolating, they dropped stuff on my doorstep and when people have died or whatever, they've turned up instantly. Those four are the proper friends that you tell "stuff" too, but even so, we have our own families etc.
Then old colleagues, old school mums, church friends etc that you'll message now and again (or when you don't know when non uniform day is 😂) and perhaps meet once a year for a coffee or something, no wild nights out.
I'd rather be at home in silence any day.

MatildaTheCat · 13/04/2022 13:24

Around 25-30 at a guess. Obviously I see some far more frequently than others but all have a genuine connection of some sort.

I’ve always placed very high value on my friendships possibly due to having no sisters or daughters. I am also very proactive at maintaining them. I make a big effort to stay in touch and remember details of their lives. I also have a lot of free time now but even when I was super busy I’ve always seen my friends.

Obelisk · 13/04/2022 13:27

Depends on the definition. Friends I could invite to a drinks party- 80? Friends whom I'd call in an emergency or trust with my deepest secrets- 4 or 5.

WeSellAnyBra · 13/04/2022 13:30

I have two best friends that have been my friends since school. We are like sisters. We live in the same city and try to meet every few weeks either all together or in twos. Our kids have grown up with each other and I feel very lucky to have them in my life.

Then another two friends from that same circle who I see less regularly, but still feel very close to and adore.

I’ve picked up a couple of other really wonderful friends over the years.

A close friend from college.
Two women from my first job, so going back years.
A group of women from a job I was in for many years.

These are the ones I would say are truly my friends.

I have other other people I’m friendly with, couples DH and I socialise with etc.

It sounds a lot written down, but I’m quite an introverted person and don’t make lasting friendships easily. These women are the special ones! Grin.

Highfivemum · 13/04/2022 13:46

I have two lifelong friends like sisters but they live far away. Other than that a couple of people who are friends but not close. The only ones I could ever go to in need are my two lifelong friends. Happy with that. Keep my circles small. Xx

Chely · 13/04/2022 13:54

1 I see every few months, the rest are occasional friends I see at group gatherings or the odd day out (a rarity).
DH is more of a people person than me but still only has a few close friends he makes an effort with, the rest are friendly because their paths cross often at work.
My eldest thinks it's an insult to tell me I have no friends but I'm quite happy with that tbh.

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