To be shocked by how blasé alot of MNers are about abortion

[Nothanksloveimfine]

Yes its healthcare, yes free and safe abortion is completely necessary because the alternative doesn't bare thinking about, yes everybody has a right to choose what's best for them and yes I am pro choice (whilst being explicitly pro life with regards to my own pregnancies)

With all that said and done, I am quite alarmed at how a sizable % of MNers are so blase about abortions. Whenever a poster is talking about being pregnant with an unplanned baby and in a less than perfect situation, I see alot of posters urging her to just have a termination like its a routine stroll through the park.

I've just read a heartbreaking article which is being discussed at the minute and some of the replies on that thread are so cold. It made me cry and I'm wondering how the hell people can read that and not be impacted by it, completely steamrolling over the tragic loss of life by saying things like "that's a rare case" abortion is a good thing bla bla bla.

Does anybody else share my view or am I the odd one out?

It's like people are so determined to bang the "right to abort" drum, they have no regard for the babies whatsoever.

Abortion can be totally necessary but it's also pretty sad IMO.

You can care about the mother without being so cold and dismissive of the baby they were carrying.

Caring about the babies doesn't mean I hate women, I am one.

Yes I've name changed because I don't expect this will go down well here.

It's absolutely fine that you feel that way yourself - I do too, and could never have an abortion. But I do wholeheartedly support choice and think it's massively important that every woman has the right to choose what's right for her own situation.

As a single mother, I also note that there is little support available for families and that many children live in real poverty.

I'd personally put my energies into campaigning for things that improve living standards for children living in deprivation if I were you OP.

The worst kind of posts to me are the emotionally blackmailing pro life ones which urge the OP to think of what the baby would want. I’ve never seen any urging to terminate.

There was one particularly disturbing one a few weeks ago that springs to mind where a parent was posting about their teenage DD being pregnant. Posters were telling her to actively encourage, and push her toward, getting an abortion
Get a grip OP! Why is that disgusting? No one is going to 'force' an abortion but, realistically, it's the best option. 🤷‍♀️

What I don't respect, is a bunch of strangers on the Internet trying to guilt somebody into believing they should have a termination because:

The dads a shit
They don't have an extra bedroom
They're not particularly well off
They were an unwitting OW
(Insert whatever else here)
All perfectly valid reasons for abortion if that's what the woman chooses. And the woman who go ahead and have a baby in really crap situations or with really shit fathers are NOT thinking of the child no matter what they say. It's a purely selfish decision because they are choosing something FOR this potential child that is probably going to turn out rubbish for them. Particularly in the case of a deadbeat dad. Imagine choosing that as good enough for the (eventual) child. Far more disturbing than the suggestion that abortion is a valid option
Are those posters, many of which I assume are on this thread, going to support the OP beyond a flower emoji after the fact, I doubt that very much
And where will the pro-birthers be when the woman and child are homeless or the woman is injured or killed by a partner and any other number of scenarios that often occur when woman are guilted into having a baby they know they shouldn't?

I agree with you op

Abortion should be a back stop for awful scenarios or failed contraception. It shouldn’t just be a “could not be fucked to use a condom” method.

I don’t know the percentages but when I was in my late teens and twenties I was always shocked at how many women (and men) were blasé about using contraception. Many didn’t use any ever and most used it only sometimes. Friends on the pill continued to have sex without using condoms despite knowing they had missed pills. Some of them went on to get pregnant and have abortions with the same blasé attitude towards it as they had to contraception. I absolutely supported their choice, they were in no way responsible enough to have a baby, but the pregnancies and resulting abortions were completely avoidable. To me, getting pregnant was something me and my partner took extremely seriously, it would have felt like the end of the world to us as it would have meant choosing to have a baby we were not ready for or me having an abortion.

My friend’s very Catholic parents forced her to give birth at 14 to the offspring of the priest that repeatedly raped her. They had refused to believe that such a “good man” would do such a thing and they slut-shamed her for the duration of the pregnancy, sent her to a convent to give birth where that treatment continued, and then they adopted the baby and forced her to pretend to welcome her new baby brother into the family. The slut-shaming continued and she left home as soon as she finished school. He was jailed many years later and strangely, her parents never acknowledged the damage they wreaked on both of these kids. (The boy grew up to be a hot mess too.)

I think we should be much, much more blasé about abortions.

Posters try to normalise it and make it a viable option - which it is! Don't ruin your life for the sake of one not yet anywhere near formed. Seems you'd only be satisfied if it was put across as something extremely emotionally damaging for the OP, yes?

Oh! A website of charlatan MOTHERS! who choose both having babies and having abortions.

Women who can vary opinions based on circumstance. Colour me shocked 😲 !

Please tell us more about how to have only good thoughts like good women and proper mothers.

Or maybe just fuck off and let a variety of opinions and advice exist and be allowed to change based on circumstances.

Whenever a poster is talking about being pregnant with an unplanned baby and in a less than perfect situation, I see alot of posters urging her to just have a termination like its a routine stroll through the park

As opposed to carrying on a pregnancy, enduring childbirth and the physical, emotional and financial care of a child for the next 18 plus years - yeah, that's a stroll in the park.

Get a grip OP! Why is that disgusting? No one is going to 'force' an abortion but, realistically, it's the best option.

@CJsGoldfish

This is not a pro-choice stance, this is pro-abortion. Shaming someone into termination is hardly better. Be realistic and let them decide rather than insisting it's life is over, and insisting someone choose an abortion they may not want.

By your logic, someone could equally say 'abortion is a sin' and that's ok, because it's not """forcing""" anyone. It's still not ok.

Once again, not pro choice. Just shame and pressure. It's possible to be honest about what challenges there may be- and also be optimistic and offer support.

You don't decide what the best option is based on age alone.

Rookie error really. You're concluding that someone advocating an abortion I the Posters situation is cold. You have no idea what they haven't said.

They haven't said maybe, "I sometimes wo der what might be different for ME, what that child might have looked like. But I still firmly believe that what they'd have been born to would have been no fit situation." Because they can see that. You're not accepting that the posters know nothing is flowers and rsinbows about the decision. No-ones saying its going to fix all the problems that lead to that choice.

When you see, even the longest post, you still have no idea of the empathy or heartbreak that poster isn't saying in the time they've got to add their point.

It might be they can't risk being exposed if I post on a bus I'm not going to dredge up memories if decisions that were tough!
You've got no idea, but you're twisting words to your own ends. On purpose, presumably as you don't respect others expressed point of view.

@CJsGoldfish

There was one particularly disturbing one a few weeks ago that springs to mind where a parent was posting about their teenage DD being pregnant. Posters were telling her to actively encourage, and push her toward, getting an abortion Get a grip OP! Why is that disgusting? No one is going to 'force' an abortion but, realistically, it's the best option. 🤷‍♀️

What I don't respect, is a bunch of strangers on the Internet trying to guilt somebody into believing they should have a termination because:

The dads a shit
They don't have an extra bedroom
They're not particularly well off
They were an unwitting OW
(Insert whatever else here)
All perfectly valid reasons for abortion if that's what the woman chooses. And the woman who go ahead and have a baby in really crap situations or with really shit fathers are NOT thinking of the child no matter what they say. It's a purely selfish decision because they are choosing something FOR this potential child that is probably going to turn out rubbish for them. Particularly in the case of a deadbeat dad. Imagine choosing that as good enough for the (eventual) child. Far more disturbing than the suggestion that abortion is a valid option
Are those posters, many of which I assume are on this thread, going to support the OP beyond a flower emoji after the fact, I doubt that very much
And where will the pro-birthers be when the woman and child are homeless or the woman is injured or killed by a partner and any other number of scenarios that often occur when woman are guilted into having a baby they know they shouldn't?

Get a grip OP! Why is that disgusting? No one is going to 'force' an abortion but, realistically, it's the best option. 🤷‍♀️

This is exactly the point the op is making. You are imposing your viewpoint on the circumstances. For some teenagers, it would be the best option, for others, it would not be the best option.

While I would hope my teen dd would terminate if she became pregnant, being pro-choice means I would help her to make the choice that is right for her. Non-directive counselling is often a good way to do that as it allows a woman to explore her feelings with someone who is not involved. If my dd then decided to continue with the pregnancy, I would support her as that would be her choice, albeit a choice I may not think is the best one.

@Gettingonwithlife

I agree with you op

How do other women’s choices affect you?

You can either be emotional about it or logical about it, logical would be - I lose an egg every month which COULD have become a baby , when my partner uses a condom all of those millions could have become a baby too, we dont mourn the loss of that...(wouldn't life be insufferable if we did?) Just my standpoint

@OchonAgusOchonOh No one is 'imposing' anything, they are saying they believe it would be the best option. And in many cases, it definitely and demonstrably is the best option. Stating a fact is not 'imposing' anything.

I used to think I couldn't go through with an abortion for myself, and so when I found myself in that situation where I suddenly realised that it was actually my only viable option and the best option for my entire family - including the potential baby - it shocked me. It was simultaneously the hardest and easiest decision I have ever had to make and I still struggle with my feelings over it years later but that doesn't mean it was the wrong decision.

I don't think anyone is blasé about it - I think most people realise that it's never an easy thing to experience and that whether it be physical, emotional or both women rarely emerge unscathed. I think they just recognise that it is a vital service that must be protected. There will always be extremes on both sides of the argument, there's the pro lifers who cannot see a single reason why abortion is necessary and believe that any women who chooses that is heartless and cruel, and then there are those who dismiss it as one unpleasant day to get rid of a clump of cells and veiw it with no more emotion than a cervical smear. Most people will sit somewhere in between.

Yes I agree with you. Women should have choice but it’s still a difficult choice with consequences.

I was one of the women on mumsnet I was referring to in my OP, who came on for advice and was told the right thing to do was to abort. Thankfully I disregarded the 'have an abortion, I would definitely have an abortion' and he's now 5 months old. So no, terminating him would not have been the best choice. Not by a long shot.

So you came to an anonymous forum asking for advice, got it, choose not to take a particular piece of advice and are happy with that choice?

I’m struggling to see the problem. Except maybe that a woman who old enough to be raising a child is still confused by the concept of advice.

You keep mentioning the term 'coldness' OP, but I would argue that most of the women that frequent MN are just aware of the reality of raising a child, particularly in difficult circumstances. They know what it's actually like to bring a child up alone, or with no money, or fleeing a DV relationship, or whatever the circumstances.

And therefore maybe they address the issue with a directness which you don't like. But they are advising from a perspective of reality of motherhood rather than something more ideological, which many religious objectors to abortion tend to do. That may seem cold to you, but for a lot of women it's just realistic advice, based on their own experiences and perspective.

And I have agree with previous poster who bring up the fact that women are always supposed to carry such shame about abortion, and when they don't appear to, the morality police come out in force.

Also, responses on AIBU and other forums tend to be flippant about any subject, just because it is reading text rather than actual discussion, and it's from a bunch of strangers.

So much stirring language hidden (badly) behind "I'm just curious what other people think!"

Glad to see that nobody here is fooled, because we know a blatant dog-whistle when we see it.

I went through the horror of a stillborn baby, so it's something I personally could never go through with.

I also think there is little excuse for not using contraception when it is free to all via the NHS.

But sadly there will always be a need for it, and I'd rather women have a legal choice and proper medical assistance than it's made underground and dangerous.

@WomanStanleyWoman

I was one of the women on mumsnet I was referring to in my OP, who came on for advice and was told the right thing to do was to abort. Thankfully I disregarded the 'have an abortion, I would definitely have an abortion' and he's now 5 months old. So no, terminating him would not have been the best choice. Not by a long shot.

So you came to an anonymous forum asking for advice, got it, choose not to take a particular piece of advice and are happy with that choice?

I’m struggling to see the problem. Except maybe that a woman who old enough to be raising a child is still confused by the concept of advice.

Exactly this! People on here seem to think that there’s some kind of power invoked if a group of people write ‘LTB’ or ‘abort’ that means it definitely happens.