To be shocked by how blasé alot of MNers are about abortion

[Nothanksloveimfine]

Yes its healthcare, yes free and safe abortion is completely necessary because the alternative doesn't bare thinking about, yes everybody has a right to choose what's best for them and yes I am pro choice (whilst being explicitly pro life with regards to my own pregnancies)

With all that said and done, I am quite alarmed at how a sizable % of MNers are so blase about abortions. Whenever a poster is talking about being pregnant with an unplanned baby and in a less than perfect situation, I see alot of posters urging her to just have a termination like its a routine stroll through the park.

I've just read a heartbreaking article which is being discussed at the minute and some of the replies on that thread are so cold. It made me cry and I'm wondering how the hell people can read that and not be impacted by it, completely steamrolling over the tragic loss of life by saying things like "that's a rare case" abortion is a good thing bla bla bla.

Does anybody else share my view or am I the odd one out?

It's like people are so determined to bang the "right to abort" drum, they have no regard for the babies whatsoever.

Abortion can be totally necessary but it's also pretty sad IMO.

You can care about the mother without being so cold and dismissive of the baby they were carrying.

Caring about the babies doesn't mean I hate women, I am one.

Yes I've name changed because I don't expect this will go down well here.

@catstale

So if it's just a mass of cells/ a foetus/ a tumour (seriously?!) what do you say to someone who announces a pregnancy before 12 weeks? No, you're not having a baby, it's just a blob of cells?

Because what you're celebrating is the potential of a baby, not an actual baby.

I find these threads quite sinister really. Especially when posted by someone with zero posting history.

I pro choice so would definitely be supporting the right for women to abort whenever they want even liberalisation beyond the current limits. We aren't exactly short of people on this planet and it seems wrong to bring a child into the world who wasn't wanted.

@EarringsandLipstick

You mean pro Gestational Slavery, and anti-life for the woman

There's no need for abuse like this. You're free to hold different views. You don't need to use derogatory language.

@EarringsandLipstick It's not abuse or derogatory language. It's just a fact. To be anti-choice IS to be pro-Gestational Slavery. It IS to be anti the life of the woman. It's the truth. It is what it is.

I don’t think what a bunch of strangers say on the internet will impact decisions that much. Mumsnet is really useful to share experiences and discuss options in a way that might not have been considered but is someone really going to get an abortion because people on Mumsnet say so? When they don’t want to? And if you’re pro choice, why your post casting a pejorative slant on those who don’t feel the same way you do?

As a young teen, I grew up (not UK) with abortion freely available, frequently accessed in my friendship circle and generally considered a viable late contraception, including in sex ed at school and by most parents. No judgements or guilt.
But I never heard the "it's just a cluster of cells" thing until I moved to the UK or any suggestion that it is not ending a life.
When I had a termination as an adult, I could definitely see a tiny, moving human on the ultrasound at a globally franchised, reputable clinic as part of the pre-procedure counselling. Definitely living, doing its own thing, dated approximately 9 weeks. I went ahead with the procedure. I was totally unprepared for how distressing I would find it, for a very long time afterwards. Yet it was definitely the right thing to do.
I am able to hold several truths in mind simultaneously:
Abortion is a hard-won and essential right.
Abortion is a medical procedure.
It is possible to feel a sense of loss following a termination, despite knowing the above.
I add to this my personal feeling that life, as I understand it, begins at conception. I don't think that is sentimental or lacking in compassion. It also does not detract from my absolute conviction that abortion is a woman's choice. It's just that, for some women, in some circumstances, it can be a tough choice.

OP - never had an abortion, probably never will now given my age. But - sad, cold - these are you interpretations of abortion, that it would have to be something you'd only do if you had no other choice and be sad about it. Lots of woman have abortions when they do have other choices, its just the choice that would leave them the happiest.

Sometimes posters need reminding, an abortion would be a much better option than having a baby they don't want. Just because they could cope or survive having the baby doesn't make it the best or happiest choice.

Do you feel the same when someone takes the morning after pill? Those are also potential babies someone is potentially carrying?

@Penzinola

BTW if you have to say "I am pro choice, but...", then you aren't pro choice.

Oddly, being pro choice is a bit like being pregnant; you are or you aren't. No in between.

That's nonsense. The OP explained the nuances of her thinking.

Agree or disagree with that opinion but it's weirdly rigid and controlling to claim someone can only be pro choice if they agree with you.

The lack of nuance is unhelpful, to put it mildly.

I agree with you OP

I know a family relative who had an early abortion because of her situation and to be honest it has affected her all her life. It does not mean it was not the right thing to do in the circumstances but it does affect different people in different ways and I don’t think people take that into account.

I agree with you, OP.

I also find it weird that people are totally ok with abortion on here but, after baby is born, are anti bodily autonomy by being vehemently of the view that if a woman refuses to breastfeed, she’s some kind of demon.

Weird.

"Women must have choices over their lives and fertility, as long as they feel sufficiently guilty about it."

I'm pro life.

Then you'll be glad when women aren't risking death with hot baths and coat hangers or, indeed, childbirth.

I think it’s sad that you think a woman should feel sad otherwise she’s ‘cold’. Who made you the police of how women should feel?

And as for The Silent Scream. Sod off! A debunked piece of emotional blackmail, wholly designed to make women to scared to even consider abortion. It was a deliberate LIE. Aimed at women by a rabid pro lifer who had no qualms about using anyone and everyone to broadcast his lie.

You only have to look at the titles of any work by Crusade for Life to see just how much they relied on fear, social anxiety, self righteousness to get their message across.

Stop falling for such ridiculous crap!

@EarringsandLipstick

You mean pro Gestational Slavery, and anti-life for the woman

There's no need for abuse like this. You're free to hold different views. You don't need to use derogatory language.

I don't really think it's derogatory language @EarringsandLipstick. It's just the truth. If people find this derogatory may want to have a rethink about some things!

@MargosKaftan

OP - never had an abortion, probably never will now given my age. But - sad, cold - these are you interpretations of abortion, that it would have to be something you'd only do if you had no other choice and be sad about it. Lots of woman have abortions when they do have other choices, its just the choice that would leave them the happiest.

Sometimes posters need reminding, an abortion would be a much better option than having a baby they don't want. Just because they could cope or survive having the baby doesn't make it the best or happiest choice.

Why do posters need “ reminding” by other people on the internet ?

If they are not sure what to do they need professional help , not just doing it because it is their “ right”

Your sentiment OP has validity. If it is treated as just a minor matter, then the support a woman needs regardless of the circumstance of the conception will not always be provided. It's not just like having another surgery.

Not women being ‘cold’?!!!
Women should be all warm and fuzzy shouldn’t they?

@hazelnutpraline

I think it’s sad that you think a woman should feel sad otherwise she’s ‘cold’. Who made you the police of how women should feel?

I didn't feel sad after my abortion. I felt deep relief and calmness. I assure you I'm not a cold person.

@EarringsandLipstick

You mean pro Gestational Slavery, and anti-life for the woman

There's no need for abuse like this. You're free to hold different views. You don't need to use derogatory language.

It is the truth.

@Besttobe8001 I didn’t feel sad either, and I’m not a cold person either. So much judgment from the OP

YANBU. I find the comments on the abortion threads here awful. The foetus/ baby's life is given no value. If the OP shows any sign of considering abortion there are dozens of replies vigorously supporting that choice. Posters who don't do so are torn to shreds, however respectfully they disagree. It's one of those topics here where there's only one acceptable viewpoint.

@HandlebarLadyTash

Abortion is better than an unwanted child

Abortion is not always about an unwanted child though is it ? It’s not that black and white. It might be that the circumstances are not right financially for example . Does not mean the child would not be loved.

Yes I've name changed because I don't expect this will go down well here

Brave. slow handclap

You don't sound pro-choice to me. You sound pro guilt-tripping people at a very vulnerable time of their lives.

FWIW the overall impression i get of MN is that it should be free, safe and rare and/or "as early as possible and as late as needed"

Because @Unsure33 they come here for some advice. Possibly because they cannot access anyone else for a disapassionate chat. Have no support, can't get to a healthcare provider for an initial chat.

That's why MN is so vaulable to some. Often the most vulnerable amongst us. Women whose circumstances are unsupportive at best, abusive at worse.

@pangolina

I think it depends on how you view the embryo. For example, two of my friends both lost a pregnancy at 8 weeks. One of them viewed it as her baby, a miscarriage, a lost child. She was heartbroken.The other viewed it as a late period. Genuinely. For some people, an early abortion just isn't a huge traumatic thing. For some it is the logical solution to a problem. What I find distasteful is the undercurrent I often pick up, of people claiming to be pro-choice but only really if the woman is suitably distraught and wracked with guilt about it.

Totally agree with you on this.