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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do people from London…

128 replies

ExcitedRabbit · 12/04/2022 21:30

…always think you want to come to London?

Prompted by a specific incident this evening but DP and I have both noticed that when we arrange to meet friends in London there is always an assumption that we will come to them because “it’s London”. We have a lovely house on the Essex/Suffolk border with a garden and plenty of room to host people.

AIBU to expect people to come out our way sometimes rather than constantly being expected to go into London with all the faff and expense it involves?

OP posts:
Original poster
ExcitedRabbit · 12/04/2022 21:33

Sorry I mean “from” London not “in”

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 12/04/2022 21:33

Why do people from London… always think you want to come to London?

I don’t think this is in any way a “people from London” thing and purely your own friends or relatives who don’t want to make the effort, for whatever reason, to come to you.

Have you thought about just asking them directly?

Or you don’t have to maintain a relationship if you feel it’s a one way street.

Dairymilk50 · 12/04/2022 21:33

I think some people are sheltered from London. No offence to any reading. I know it's a large place but it has excellent train links.. I've met people who have never been up North it's crazy to me.

I would refuse OP. Let them come your way!

User9088 · 12/04/2022 21:36

Do you invite them to your house? They can't invite themselves and if the plan is to meet up I would assume it was a meet up out and about somewhere

ShadowPuppets · 12/04/2022 21:36

Not my experience, mostly because those in London don’t have space to put us up. My friendship group is split between those in flats in London and those in houses in the Home Counties. We tend to do midweek nights out/Friday nights in London (because people tend to be in town for work, and because there’s more going on!)

Weekends if we’re getting together we tend to decamp to someone’s in Kent or Surrey and do walks, pub, stay over etc.

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 12/04/2022 21:37

I live outside a big city, not London. All my city friends think I should go there to see them. They never come out to the sticks.

EmmaH2022 · 12/04/2022 21:38

@luxxlisbon

Why do people from London… always think you want to come to London?

I don’t think this is in any way a “people from London” thing and purely your own friends or relatives who don’t want to make the effort, for whatever reason, to come to you.

Have you thought about just asking them directly?

Or you don’t have to maintain a relationship if you feel it’s a one way street.

This

I'm having the opposite problem

I'm a Londoner who can't wait to leave and I have trouble keeping schtum about how much I dislike it now!

Love the Essex/Suffolk borders.

OneTC · 12/04/2022 21:38

I'm from London and I don't care if you don't come here Grin

Really though one great thing about having friends all over the place is being able to leave London to visit them

FlippityFlippityFlop · 12/04/2022 21:38

Is this to meet to go out (restaurant/drinks) - if so maybe they think there will be more choice/pick somewhere central for everyone to get to.

If they are inviting you to their house - is it just that they like to host. I know plenty of people who love to host. Also, in this case I can't see that it's any more faff or expense to go either way (one of you will have to travel).

Bottom line though - if you don't want to go don't. Or if you want to meet at yours invite them to you.

Simonjt · 12/04/2022 21:39

I’m a Londoner, I don’t think this, I’m fairly confident I don’t know anyone who does, friends are generally going on weekends away to visit friends to live elsewhere, I don’t hear of friends having visitors that often (we don’t tend to have sparerooms).

Grilledaubergines · 12/04/2022 21:39

Is that all people from London? Or just a couple if your friends? Because I’m from London and I don’t think I’ve ever expected friends to come to me. It’s a two way street.

When you invite friends to come to your home or to a restaurant near your home, what do they say when they decline?

Legoisthebest · 12/04/2022 21:39

I live in London. I'm not there now. I'm up in the Midlands at my mother in law's.
I spend most of my time wanting to get OUT of London.
I'll come stay with you quite happily Grin

PollyPollyPollyPolly · 12/04/2022 21:40

Not my experience- my London friends are just as happy to travel as to host. Do you actually take the lead and invite them?

MangyInseam · 12/04/2022 21:40

I've never lived in or near London, but I have noticed this with people in several cities I have lived near.

I think people expect that of course sometimes you will want to come into the big city, but they find going out a bit of an ordeal. They don't realize that maybe it's just as much of a pain for you.

Edwina83 · 12/04/2022 21:43

I am from London and feel the reverse of this. People who move out of London often assume you would rather visit them in the country. Maybe people often prefer people to visit them as it’s easier??

Original poster
ExcitedRabbit · 12/04/2022 21:54

Interesting split.

To answer a question it is going out for lunch/drinks/meal whatever as that is what we usually do and it is less faff because you can drive to our house and park rather than getting expensive trains etc AND you can still get a pint round here for less than £4.

OP posts:
2022ttchope · 12/04/2022 21:55

I find the opposite.

Non Londoners can never be bothered / nervous to travel in.

HardbackWriter · 12/04/2022 21:57

Are they suggesting you meet right by where they live in London or that you meet very centrally, near where your train gets in? If it's the latter I would guess that they think that you're compromising by meeting in the middle, and tbf it may well have taken them nearly as long to get to Liverpool Street door to door as it does for you! If they're dragging you out to their zone 4 suburb then that's more obviously unfair.

Concestor · 12/04/2022 22:02

I agree! Once I stopped working in London my friends would I've see me if I travelled in, as though trains only went one way. My brother is the same still, I've two children, he has none, but he doesn't like coming over to us, he expects us to go to him in central London. I just don't get it.

WonderfulYou · 12/04/2022 22:02

I would assume because there’s loads more to do in London.

I live in Cornwall and my friends do come sometimes but it’s boring as there’s nothing to do and you can’t get most places unless you drive so we usually go to London as there’s lots of things to do and good public transport.

Mamapep · 12/04/2022 22:02

Just be clear you want them to visit YOU.

ShirleyPhallus · 12/04/2022 22:03

Brilliant! Another London bashing thread! It’s been at least one whole day since we had one

Electriq · 12/04/2022 22:04

Your title should be why do my friends.

I'm a Londoner and I take every opportunity to get away from here.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 12/04/2022 22:04

It’s not ‘people from London’, it’s your friends. They can’t be bothered to go to yours.

BinJuiceShake · 12/04/2022 22:05

More places to visit? More people to ignore on the tube?

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