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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do people from London…

128 replies

ExcitedRabbit · 12/04/2022 21:30

…always think you want to come to London?

Prompted by a specific incident this evening but DP and I have both noticed that when we arrange to meet friends in London there is always an assumption that we will come to them because “it’s London”. We have a lovely house on the Essex/Suffolk border with a garden and plenty of room to host people.

AIBU to expect people to come out our way sometimes rather than constantly being expected to go into London with all the faff and expense it involves?

OP posts:
5128gap · 13/04/2022 08:21

Well, a lot of people do want to go there, and it's really expensive, so maybe people who live there think they're doing you a favour enabling you to benefit from staying in a very popular place. My friend lives in Barcelona and always thinks we want to go there. And she's right!

Pyri · 13/04/2022 08:25

@Pinkmendinilla

I lived in london for 20 years until very recently and yes, completely stand by this. Obv it's not everyone, I never said it was. Those as I describe might be streetwise locally but plenty didn't seem to travel very far (again, apart from maybe holidays abroad). So, so many had never been to the north of England for instance.

My friend certainly does count me as a real friend, bridesmaid at her wedding etc. That's not what's happening here. Some people are simply set in their ways. Why try and deny that?

Some people are simply set in their ways

Right, so it’s “some people”, not “all 8 million people in London”

WaterBottle123 · 13/04/2022 08:26

Well they probably don't want to drive, be restricted to your local pub and then drive home? Whereas London had a gazillion amazing restaurants and no one has to drive.

Ginajo · 13/04/2022 08:26

Im in London. I don't think that at all. Definitely a sweeping generalisation!

LakieLady · 13/04/2022 08:27

@camelfinger

If it is a group of friends from different locations it can be easier to meet in London rather than everyone schlepping to Suffolk. Do your London friends have a car? I love Suffolk but I’m on the other side of London so it is a bit of a ball ache to get to.
London has fantastic public transport, so not visiting a friend because it involves getting a tube/bus across town is a bit wet imo.

Pre Covid, my 80+ year old MIL in Croydon would visit a friend in Suffolk, either by train (tram, train to Cambridge and then a 2nd train to friend's station) or coach (tram, train to Victoria, then coach). If an old lady can manage that, it doesn't seem like that much of a ball-ache to me.

There are direct trains all the way from Cambridge to Brighton now, so friend can get to me with only one change.

Webbedlife · 13/04/2022 08:27

I was born in London, live here now and am more than happy to take weekends away. It's not all of us, OP. Bit of a sweeping generalisation there.

SmugOldBag · 13/04/2022 08:29

@ExcitedRabbit

Interesting split.

To answer a question it is going out for lunch/drinks/meal whatever as that is what we usually do and it is less faff because you can drive to our house and park rather than getting expensive trains etc AND you can still get a pint round here for less than £4.

Maybe it's the point about driving. Most Londoners don't have cars so it's a huge effort to pack bags, get on and off several tubes, probably make several changes, wait around in a train station and then get off in 'East Nowhere' and you are still 25 miles from where you need to be with no reliable or affordable taxi service.

Out of Towners can at least drive to the station, drive to a park and ride or drive into London at the weekend and park in a residential street close by.

Also more choices for activities in London and more exciting options for eating and drinking.

I used love getting out of London to friends in surrounding counties for walks and pub visits but holy hell it was a massive mission and most of them were very keen to instead experience the myriad options and excitement London offered rather than another night at the local pub.

gingerhills · 13/04/2022 08:30

I don't know. I have a close friendship group of four people. We meet once a month. Always in London. Only one lives in London. i am tempted to suggest we take turns meeting in each other's home towns but I wonder if the Londoner would find it terribly inconvenient! Grin

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 13/04/2022 08:32

I think this is definitely about you and your friends rather than an general thing.

I live in London and I'm currently at a friends house in Luxembourg. Later this month I will visit a friend in Stoke and next month I will be in Bristol for another mates big birthday. In July I will be part of a massive gathering of old uni mates in Yorkshire before travelling to Ireland to catch up with various friends and relations. CoVid has kept us all apart and we have a lot of catching up to do.

SmugOldBag · 13/04/2022 08:36

@longwayoff

Transport. Everyone can get to London by public transport or road. Finding a rural idyll in a muddy field in the middle of nowhere is more difficult.
And this. All roads and trains lead to London. Getting x from Berkshire, y from Cornwall and z from Kent to Islington is far easier then everyone trying to get to Berkshire.
Fulmine · 13/04/2022 08:59

London is a big place. Are you talking about people who live in central London who expect you to meet them there, or are they from outside the centre? With the best will in the world, the Essex/Suffolk border can be a pain in the neck to travel to if you are from, say, South or South West London, and in that scenario it makes more sense to meet in the middle.

CarmenThePanda · 13/04/2022 09:12

@gingerhills

I don't know. I have a close friendship group of four people. We meet once a month. Always in London. Only one lives in London. i am tempted to suggest we take turns meeting in each other's home towns but I wonder if the Londoner would find it terribly inconvenient! Grin
If travelling from different places the train routes often make London the most easily accessible meeting point.

E.g if friends are in Aberystwyth, Norwich, Deal and Pontefract London may be easier and cheaper than travelling cross country to each of those places.

But hey, blame the individual who lives in London and make value judgments about their character.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/04/2022 09:23

There can be many reasons— a lot of Londoners don’t have cars and can feel a bit trapped and stuck in someone’s house if they are there without transport.

BonjourCrisette · 13/04/2022 11:06

To answer a question it is going out for lunch/drinks/meal whatever as that is what we usually do and it is less faff because you can drive to our house and park rather than getting expensive trains etc AND you can still get a pint round here for less than £4.

I guess people don't want to drive if they are going for lunch and drinks as they won't be able to drink. The price of a pint is irrelevant if you can't have one. I'd much rather be on public transport if meeting for lunch and drinks - that way everyone gets to have a drink if they want one. London means everyone is on public transport so all are equally able to have a drink if they want to.

Knittingchamp · 13/04/2022 11:10

@ExcitedRabbit

Interesting split.

To answer a question it is going out for lunch/drinks/meal whatever as that is what we usually do and it is less faff because you can drive to our house and park rather than getting expensive trains etc AND you can still get a pint round here for less than £4.

Depends really, did you say come to ours? Because if you didn't they are probably just suggesting stuff they enjoy.
oviraptor21 · 13/04/2022 11:17

London is generally more exciting and there is more to do.
Don't get me wrong, I love living more rurally but I totally get why someone would suggest meeting up in London rather than somewhere else.

FreddyVoorhees · 13/04/2022 11:19

I wish I had friends in London so it could become an issue.

Honestly, I'd be upfront and say I'd invite you here just to show you how cheap housing is but there is absolutely sod all to do. And the food choices are pretty rubbish.

BanjoKnickers · 13/04/2022 11:20

To be fair given the choice I would much rather have weekend in a world-class tourist destination than on a housing estate in a suburb of Stevenage Grin

Calandor · 13/04/2022 11:34

Because it's one of the most visited cities in the entire world?

Depends on where the friends live tbh. Most prefer to visit us in London as they come on the train and so can get around without a car easily using the tube. If we go to them we're stuck at their house unless they can drive us somewhere as we don't have a car and they're rural

Calandor · 13/04/2022 11:37

As a Londoner not one of my friends has a car as we all use the tube. Do your friends drive? If not it's much much harder to get out to the sticks (and then be stuck in your house at your whims) than to go into London which has the tube

Butchyrestingface · 13/04/2022 11:38

Prompted by a specific incident this evening but DP and I have both noticed that when we arrange to meet friends in London there is always an assumption that we will come to them because “it’s London”. We have a lovely house on the Essex/Suffolk border with a garden and plenty of room to host people.

They must be fecking mad. I would be literally HAUNTING your gaff like Casper the friendly ghost.

FancyAnOlive · 13/04/2022 11:40

Really? I'm in London and all my friends who have moved out want us to vist them, not the other way round! I'm happy either way. Lots of friends' kids want to come and stay with us now they are in their twenties and it's nice to be able to put them up.

10HailMarys · 13/04/2022 12:21

I lived half my life in London and the other half at the opposite end of the country, and I can honestly say I've not noticed this being an issue. Pretty even split for me between people coming to me and me going to them.

mubarak86 · 13/04/2022 12:25

Not from London, but I'd much rather go to London that Essex/Suffolk borders.

Getoff · 13/04/2022 12:27

Londoners tend to use public transport a lot, and the way public transport works means it generally makes sense for everyone to travel to or from the centre to meet up. Also factor in that even people who own a car might want to go somewhere that is convenient for public transport, if they're going to be drinking.

Generally people who live somewhere in London that it's practical to own a car aren't anywhere near the attractive destination parts of London, so it would not make sense for them to expect you to travel to near their home.

So we need to know if these friends have a car, and if they actually want you go to where they live, or if they want to meet in central London.

Expecting you to visit near their home is very different from expecting you to travel into central London.