Why do people from London…

[ExcitedRabbit]

…always think you want to come to London?

Prompted by a specific incident this evening but DP and I have both noticed that when we arrange to meet friends in London there is always an assumption that we will come to them because “it’s London”. We have a lovely house on the Essex/Suffolk border with a garden and plenty of room to host people.

AIBU to expect people to come out our way sometimes rather than constantly being expected to go into London with all the faff and expense it involves?

the population of London is nearly ten million - bit of a sweeping assumption that everyone acts the same way. YABU
Eating out - I am as likely to travel to friends as to meet them in London
Unless meeting after they have been working in London
Theatre/Galleries - mostly London unless there is something on close to them (& I did go to a fab Louis Wain exhibition in Bromley last week)

I have family and friends in London and I don’t find what you say to be true at all. I live by the seaside and everyone always wants to come to me, which is just as annoying to be honest.

Perhaps you're a really bad cook?

No deliveroo!!! Exactly!

I have the opposite problem, I always have to host because I have 'more space'. I hate hosting. It means extra shopping, cooking, cleaning, bed linen etc. Time and money basically. I have a surfeit of neither and would far rather visit than be visited.

If you live in central London, you don't tend to have a car. You might not even have a licence, seeing as you might never have needed to drive anywhere - the public transport and taxi network is brilliant here.

There is also so much to do, and if you're a Londoner, you'll have access to all of the local discounts that take the price down.

If you live outside of London, you probably need a car to go anywhere, and you probably have a parking space, maybe even a drive! It's therefore easier for you to travel, and there are probably more options in London when you get to the other side.

People generally need to be in London at some point, whether it's a work conference, a gig, or a flight to go on holiday. If you're from London and you wait patiently, people will eventually need to come to you. It's not true in the opposite direction.

Personally, I'd only travel out of London for a weekend, to make the faff of a journey worthwhile. I wouldn't travel out of London for a meal. It won't be better, and it will take forever. I'd rather just ring up the friend for a chinwag over the phone and save on the travel.

Before I lived in London, I used to travel in for a day/afternoon/night out. It's always made sense to me that you go in this direction - it's where all the good stuff is.

TBH though, if someone doesn't love London and all of the cultural happenings and glorious restaurants in it, we probably don't have a lot in common, anyway... I can't stand to live in quiet places. I've lived there before, and it's not my pace of life. Give me good food, good art, sirens, smog and loud noises - that's home now.

@SocksAndTheCity

I live in the Square Mile and (true to stereotype) couldn't give a fuck whether anybody wants to visit or not as long as I don't have to go anywhere with overpriced and infrequent public transport, crap mobile signal and no Deliveroo

This!

I also refuse to go anywhere that doesn't serve decent coffee (yes, I want to know how long it was since the beans were roasted) unless you give me a bloody good reason why.

No Uber, no phone signal, no Deliveroo, no quality beans = no visit. We're Londoners not philistines.

I have a sister in London who always thinks we want to go to them... 'there's loads to do in London' - like what? Places to eat and drink? Stuff to look at? Same everywhere!

I'm a Londoner and I have friends in Hertfordshire. I often go to their areas and they come to mine. We have a very fair social schedule. You have a friend problem, not a Londoner one

I live in London but love to go elsewhere sometimes for a change of scenery, bit of a ridiculous assumption there!

How tedious another Londoners bashing thread. We are not a homogeneous mass OP. Personally I have friends and family all over the country, we some times visit them they sometimes visit us. There is no insisting anyone does anything or goes anywhere. I guess you just have friends who don't want to make the effort to travel to see you 🤷🏻‍♀️

DP and I have both noticed that when we arrange to meet friends in London there is always an assumption that we will come to them because “it’s London”

Yes I’ve had this too with one specific couple. I am in London for work about once every 6 weeks or do, but I’m flat out. However, the assumption is that I love coming to London so it’s “easier” for me to visit them, rather than vice versa.

I think it’s because Londoners can’t imagine anyone not being hugely excited to visit …

Yeah when I invite London friends to my town (a 40 min train ride from central London) they act like I suggested we meet up on another continent.

@Neverreturntoathread

Yeah when I invite London friends to my town (a 40 min train ride from central London) they act like I suggested we meet up on another continent.

Again, that's your friends. I barely even notice a forty minute train journey - it takes me just over an hour to get to Brighton on the Thameslink if I'm having a day (or night) out there and I hardly count that either.

@ExMachinaDeus

DP and I have both noticed that when we arrange to meet friends in London there is always an assumption that we will come to them because “it’s London”

Yes I’ve had this too with one specific couple. I am in London for work about once every 6 weeks or do, but I’m flat out. However, the assumption is that I love coming to London so it’s “easier” for me to visit them, rather than vice versa.

I think it’s because Londoners can’t imagine anyone not being hugely excited to visit …

No it’s not that at all. Do you always make sweeping generalisations about 10 million people?

@konasana

I have a sister in London who always thinks we want to go to them... 'there's loads to do in London' - like what? Places to eat and drink? Stuff to look at? Same everywhere!

There are loads of places to eat and drink, from the cheap end of the spectrum to fancy Michelin starred places. Pop up venues and super clubs too. Every cuisine represented.

Lots of galleries and museums, including smaller quirky ones.

Lots of theatres, concert halls and general arts venues - again, not just the West End, there are loads of really intimate venues. Plays, musicals, comedy gigs, music gigs, piano recitals, art installations, poetry readings... You name it. Things like Secret Cinema, too.

All the obvious tourist attractions. And the less obvious ones.

Markets and festivals. Especially of the food variety. :) Or light festivals; they're always fun too.

Access to all kinds of sports, from rock climbing to trampolining.

Boats! Cruise boats, speed boats, pubs on boats, hot tubs in boats... anything on water.

Access to farms, parks, general greenery, zoos, wildlife centres.

More escape rooms than you can shake a stick at.

Classes in anything - sewing, pottery, painting, jewellery making, languages.

Lots of volunteer opportunities in absolutely everything and anything.

That's just off the top of my head. Sure, you can do some things anywhere, but the point is, you don't have to travel far to do any of them in London, and the transport links are easy. It's nice having a million and one things on your doorstep.

Londoner with friends in Dedham: I visit them more than they visit me and always have a great time. They always make a big effort, whether it’s a bbq at home or hiring a boat on the river, and I’ve really grown to love their local area. Contrary opinion: I refuse to visit some friends in Surrey, however, because they are dreadful hosts. I’ll meet them halfway for a pub lunch, but am not driving 2.5 hours round trip when they can’t so much as turn off the tv and make me a cup of tea.

It has nothing to do with your location. It’s probably just your friends, but there’s an outside chance that it could be you. Next time, invite them specifically for lunch at your home, or to meet halfway (walk and pub lunch in Epping Forest?).

@ExcitedRabbit

Interesting split.

To answer a question it is going out for lunch/drinks/meal whatever as that is what we usually do and it is less faff because you can drive to our house and park rather than getting expensive trains etc AND you can still get a pint round here for less than £4.

Attitudes changed in around the 1970s that it was better to get the train than to drink and drive after a few beers.

64% YANBU wink
With quite a few of my London family it's like I've suggested they set out into the wilderness if I suggest they come visit, but to be honest I was exactly the same when I lived there!
With most of my friends we do alternate visits North/South.
Visits here are better, there's so much more variety of stuff to do, everything in alltheteeshirts post (ok I've not seen a pub or hot tub on a boat) and loads more, like beaches close by. And we don't spend ages queueing and waiting everywhere we go.

To answer a question it is going out for lunch/drinks/meal whatever as that is what we usually do and it is less faff because you can drive to our house and park rather than getting expensive trains etc AND you can still get a pint round here for less than £4.

The environmental crisis has entered into the public consciousness and public discourse pretty dramatically, and a lot of people don't just drive willy nilly for a cheapish night out with no conscience anymore.

Can you all maybe plan for a weekend together?

I used to see this a lot from friends when we were younger but now in our early 30s and having babies, it seems to have changed so that the London folk now suggest coming out to our Home Counties town out of choice.
I actually do love visiting London but feel sometimes they don't appreciate that whilst it might be 40 mins on the train, it takes a lot longer. Bus or car to station, parking or at the mercy of the bus times, 40 min train, tube and same in reverse, means 1.5 hrs journey door to door for a meal which sometimes on. Friday evening is just too exhausting. My choice to go though, it's not their problem.
I've definitely noticed it when working in a different town in Essex which had a lot of commuters from London, somebody once asked me if I was going back for the weekend or sticking around, and I said 'back where?'. She appeared genuinely bemused somebody would live in the town we both worked in instead of just commuting daily to it from London.

public transport is very patchy/non-existent outside main cities.
if they come to london, they can easily get to venues, and back.
out in the sticks, they will have to drive to pub etc. and how to get back, few taxis, if people want to drink alcohol.

I have the opposite problem - friends moving out and then like clockwork nagging us to come and visit because they are somewhere new with no social circle and not much to keep them busy. Truly if I wanted to spend my weekends in Lewes or Sandwich I’d have moved there myself.

I think it's just your friends who can't be bothered to come and visit you OP.

@alltheteeshirts

The city I work in has all these too, as do most cities. Probably not so many of each thing purely by virtue of the size of the place but you can absolutely do any of these things in most cities.

Where can you go rock climbing in London? Or do you mean indoor climbing?