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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do people from London…

128 replies

ExcitedRabbit · 12/04/2022 21:30

…always think you want to come to London?

Prompted by a specific incident this evening but DP and I have both noticed that when we arrange to meet friends in London there is always an assumption that we will come to them because “it’s London”. We have a lovely house on the Essex/Suffolk border with a garden and plenty of room to host people.

AIBU to expect people to come out our way sometimes rather than constantly being expected to go into London with all the faff and expense it involves?

OP posts:

SquirmOfEels · 13/04/2022 06:37

Londoner.

Don't recognise the scenario youset out. Notnsaying it's not true fir you, but that'll be a reflection of your friends.

Not all Londoners.

Many of us are very happy to travel, and loads like to escape the city at weekends

Loopytiles · 13/04/2022 06:44

Agree with PPs that the issue is reciprocity in friendships, in this case to do with travel, not London.

How long does it take you to travel to central London? And your friends?

If, for example, they live an hour’s journey time from central London and you, say, 90 mins away, meeting in central London makes sense, especially given your stated preferences on what to do.

PicaK · 13/04/2022 06:54

Where do they live in London?
It'll be a time thing I bet.
They'll prob travel as long as you to meet up. And don't want to double their travel time (or triple it by driving across/round London) to come to you.

longwayoff · 13/04/2022 07:10

Transport. Everyone can get to London by public transport or road. Finding a rural idyll in a muddy field in the middle of nowhere is more difficult.

Loopytiles · 13/04/2022 07:12

Other factors could be housing and whether or not people enjoy hosting, and their situations.

For example when we lived in London we had a small flat, DC and both worked full time. I dislike hosting overnight in those circumstances, but if accepting hospitality from friends wanted to reciprocate. So I would try to avoid being hosted by / hosting all but family and close friends.

Pinkmendinilla · 13/04/2022 07:21

A lot of people from london are incredibly sheltered. Equivalent to rarely leaving a small town sized patch of london, except maybe to travel abroad.

That said, many are not so it is probably just your friends who are lazy. Some people are like this. Very set in their ways and on their turf. I have a friend of 14 yours in the SW. She has only once been to visit me and that's because I had a mutual friend from overseas visiting who didn't want to travel to hers. It took some persuading. So essentially she's never been to see me. In 14 years.

Yellownightmare · 13/04/2022 07:25

Why do people not from London make the assumption that we are all identical? Clue, we're not. There's 9 million of us.

If I was your friend, I'd love to come and visit you as I love a change of scene.

Loopytiles · 13/04/2022 07:27

People living in London being ‘sheltered’ seems a new one

longwayoff · 13/04/2022 07:31

Sheltered?

ShirleyPhallus · 13/04/2022 07:31

@Pinkmendinilla

A lot of people from london are incredibly sheltered. Equivalent to rarely leaving a small town sized patch of london, except maybe to travel abroad.

Sheltered

absolute lol

If your friend hasn’t been to see you in 14 years I’d suggest you’re not really friends, not that this is a Problem With All Londoners

Stabbitystabstab · 13/04/2022 07:31

Public transport around Essex is crap compared to London, and why would anyone want to drive to a pub lunch? Yippee for my one pint at £4
(I'm not from London)

NOTANUM · 13/04/2022 07:33

I love the fact that Londoners - all 8 million - act the same based on the OP’s friends!

stimpyyouidiot · 13/04/2022 07:34

I moved away from london. Would rather not go there 🤣

JoanOgden · 13/04/2022 07:36

It depends on the logistics. I live in London and am visiting a friend in Suffolk on Saturday; it will take me 2 hours door to door. I once visited a friend in Berkshire for the day and that took me more than 2.5 hours each way because I live the other side of London from Paddington. It's exhausting.

Whereas people out of London usually live nearer the relevant mainline train station, so if you meet centrally in London it's more time efficient for everyone, on average.

Pinkmendinilla · 13/04/2022 07:39

I lived in london for 20 years until very recently and yes, completely stand by this. Obv it's not everyone, I never said it was. Those as I describe might be streetwise locally but plenty didn't seem to travel very far (again, apart from maybe holidays abroad). So, so many had never been to the north of England for instance.

My friend certainly does count me as a real friend, bridesmaid at her wedding etc. That's not what's happening here. Some people are simply set in their ways. Why try and deny that?

mumto2teenagers · 13/04/2022 07:39

I don't think this is true for everyone who likes in London.

We live in London and when meeting friends we often travel to them, think it is just your friends.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/04/2022 07:42

@Stabbitystabstab

Public transport around Essex is crap compared to London, and why would anyone want to drive to a pub lunch? Yippee for my one pint at £4 (I'm not from London)

And apparently pay for it yourself after traveling to visit the OP!

As PPs say - perhaps the issue is with the hosting rather than the travel.

Still, the OP is apparently new for this thread and perhaps isn't aware that London bashing is a three times a day sport for those deprived of the opportunity to live here

Cosmos123 · 13/04/2022 07:42

I'm not sure why ALL 8 million people think like this OP.
Truly baffled.

Have you ever thought about a career in research?

Goldbar · 13/04/2022 07:52

It depends...

If you're family or a close friend and I'm staying overnight or for a few days in your house, then I'm very happy to travel to you. You've probably got a bigger house with more space, it's quieter and our favourite weekend activities with DC are all things which are best done outside London - visiting beaches, country parks, farm parks, going for nice walks etc. We're going to family outside London for the Easter weekend, they're not coming to us.

If we're doing a whole day trip but no overnight stay, I would suggest meeting somewhere in the middle which is convenient for both of us. I would never suggest you schlep in to us and risk getting stuck in London traffic, especially with DC.

If we're not that close but the sort of friends who meet occasionally for dinner after work, then it makes some sense to meet in London. Firstly, because many people are there occasionally for work and can tag on an after-work dinner without too much trouble and extra travelling. Second, because public transport runs later in London than in other locations so there's more chance of being able to get a late train home.

People generally need to be in London at some point, whether it's a work conference, a gig, or a flight to go on holiday. If you're from London and you wait patiently, people will eventually need to come to you. It's not true in the opposite direction.

I find this to be true.

PopOfNothing · 13/04/2022 07:56

I live in the outskirts of a big city (not London), none of my friends would visit me in the winter, which is totally understandable, I can see why the dont want to spend money in petrol / public transport for a pub lunch or lunch at my place.

I never expect my friends to visit me becuase its my choice to live out here, and I am use to commuting so it doesnt bother me having to visit them. But I always invite them out in the summer, and they are always keen to come and visit me and get out of the city, go for a long country walk, sit out in my big backgarden in the sun and I will provide lunch, we live near a river so when the kids were young they would always bring their swim gear.

ineedsun · 13/04/2022 08:02

I find it interesting, that the thought of some people living in London being sheltered has attracted such amusement. Could someone please explain why this is?

zafferana · 13/04/2022 08:06

@ExcitedRabbit

Interesting split.

To answer a question it is going out for lunch/drinks/meal whatever as that is what we usually do and it is less faff because you can drive to our house and park rather than getting expensive trains etc AND you can still get a pint round here for less than £4.

Who wants to drive on a night out? I don't (and I'm the one who lives outside London). I'd far rather get public transport. It also wouldn't occur to be to go out into the country for a night out if I lived in London. I mean, why? You have so much more choice of where to go if you go into a city (any city, not just London).

OneOfTheGrundys · 13/04/2022 08:08

This is a ‘your friends’ problem. Not a ‘people from London’ problem.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/04/2022 08:17

Apologies if I missed this but did you move away from London, or do you know your friends through working in London, OP?

I find friendships are often geographically based. If a friendship group is established in one location and then someone moves away (or if the members all work together in one location) there is an expectation that contact will continue to be in that area. People who have always met up locally may have no interest in travelling to other locations, however pleasant.

Patchbatch · 13/04/2022 08:19

@Howeverdoyouneedme

It’s not ‘people from London’, it’s your friends. They can’t be bothered to go to yours.

Yes seems to be the case.

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