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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Urgent - how do I quit this job tonight?

110 replies

Insuchafuckingbind · 11/04/2022 23:20

I need to write an email explaining I'm withdrawing from a freelance gig I was doing. But we haven't had a contract which makes it easier.

I cannot cope with it, I love the organisation which makes it hard but I'm overwhelmed by panic and never want to speak to any of them again.

What should I say?

OP posts:
Hopefullyoneday12 · 11/04/2022 23:22

Are you sure you want this. Sounds like you may be having an anxiety attack?

Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 11/04/2022 23:22

I can't just ghost the organisation obviously I need to draw a line under it. The thoughts of emails and calls coming in are making me shake I need to put distance between them and me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 11/04/2022 23:23

Yes I am having an anxiety attack but it's constant so it's unbearable and I need to get away from it.

OP posts:
ManAlive24 · 11/04/2022 23:25

Why are you having this reaction? What's the back story?

Amiable · 11/04/2022 23:26

You could say something like, "due to health/personal issues" you unfortunately have to withdraw or "unforeseen circumstances"?

Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 11/04/2022 23:27

@ManAlive24

Why are you having this reaction? What's the back story?
I'm just shit at everything, there is no back story. I can't concentrate on anything due to unmedicated ADHD and trying to do this has made my anxiety spiral unbearably.

I can't do it and it's just shining a laser focus onto how utterly useless I am and I'm terrified and upset all the fucking time. I just need it to stop, I need it to go away I need respite and to forget how shite I am as a person, I need it to stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 11/04/2022 23:28

@Amiable

You could say something like, "due to health/personal issues" you unfortunately have to withdraw or "unforeseen circumstances"?
Bloody hell thank you this is exactly the kind of thing I need to write - had forgttoon how to even word anything.
OP posts:
MarilynValentine · 11/04/2022 23:29

What @Amiable said is good.

Sorry you’re going through this OP. It will pass. But you are allowed to stop doing this job and have a rest and take stock.

MarilynValentine · 11/04/2022 23:29

Cross post Smile

Rinkytinkpanther · 11/04/2022 23:31

Due to family commitments and an unforeseen change in personal circumstances, you unfortunately are no longer able to work in this contract.

Dominoz · 11/04/2022 23:31

There is no hurry to say anything. Take some time. See how you feel tomorrow and everything will be loads clearer. It's fine to not be available straightaway.

DiscoStusMoonboots · 11/04/2022 23:33

You are NOT useless - you're just struggling and in a tight spot. I echo the 'due to personal/medical circumstances' alibi - not a lie by any account, and will allow you time for peace of mind.

Look after yourself OP - a lot of us have been in your shoes, so lean on us if needed.

HollowTalk · 11/04/2022 23:33

Why is your anxiety unmedicated? It's clear that you are very distressed but there is medication out there that would help. Have you seen a doctor?

Happenchance · 11/04/2022 23:33

If it doesn't cause you additional stress, can you recommend someone else who could potentially do the work.

You are not shite.

ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 11/04/2022 23:35

Are you me? I am about to quit a freelance gig for the same ADHD related reasons.

But the thing is, we're not useless or shit- we’re just not wired to work the way the clients require and to be constantly “on”. For sure you should leave if the role is making you feel that way before it destroys your confidence but you also need to talk more kindly to yourself. I’m sure you’re great at what you do but just need a different work environment- and that’s OK.

Would an employee role be better suited where you have fixed hours? I am finding freelance too stressful as there is no cover, fallback or shared responsibility for days where I am slacking or anxious- whereas when I was employed those fluctuations in your productivity can be absorbed by the wider team or the long term focus and nature of the role.

alwaysmovingforwards · 11/04/2022 23:39

Sounds like you are in a panic.
But I’m sure you’re not shite, just overwhelmed.
Take the rest of the week sick, take stock and even get back into after Easter or write the note.
No need to quit altogether tonight. You sound a bit unwell and like you need some rest.

alwaysmovingforwards · 11/04/2022 23:39

Either…

Hoplesscynic · 11/04/2022 23:43

You have my full sympathy, OP. If it's really that bad yes, just leave it with immediate effect and any reason - mental health would be truthful anyway. After you send the email, don't take any calls or answer any emails of theirs, if you are already so anxious. Just leave it in the past.
I say this as someone who's been through it. Previous job had really sky rocketed my anxiety. I felt like shit and like I wasn't able to do anything right. About a month in, I knew it was getting worse and that I couldn't go on. So I quit, pretty much then and there, even though i didn't have a new job lined up. Still, best thing I ever did, my mental health was a lot more important.

Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 11/04/2022 23:47

Thank you allfor your calm words.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2022 23:48

Anxiety is a vicious liar, and your anxiety is no different. It is 100% lying to you. Don't believe it.

CCSA · 11/04/2022 23:50

Alternatively if you have a good relationship and they like your work you could talk to them honesty about the situation and you may be surprised about what they can do to help / allow you to work in a way that means you cope better.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 11/04/2022 23:53

Just to say there are at least 3 of us - OP, and a PP and me.

I have diagnosed but unmedicated ADHD and no-one but fellow sufferers can imagine just how shit it makes us feel.

I am starting to get a little bit chippy and resentful though - I don't feel as if all the fine words and slogans about inclusivity have reached us yet. Still feel people are dismissing us as lazy underachievers without realising the effort it took to be 50% as "good" at the work as them was about 300% more.

Freelance work actually suited me better as it was clearer what the task was; but covid and IR35 destroyed that so I am now employed but with very similar feelings of panic and uselessness.

Woulditbeworth · 11/04/2022 23:54

You’ve had some really good suggestions already.

I would consider adding a final line that wraps things up so you aren’t contacted again with a request. E.g I will return x equipment by said date or I will set an out of office, to ensure anyone contacting me in relation to the service between now and then end of April is redirected to the manager’. Is there anything you need to pass on / provide access to?

And please be kind to yourself. You most certainly aren’t shit!

Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 11/04/2022 23:55

I'm like this in everything I do though, I'm so full of despair.

Jobs, my degree, everything. I can't focus and then I panic so much it feels like it's damaging me on a massive scale and I have to escape.

I have to use a medical machine everyday to manage a health problem I have and it's fine now I can use it, but even with the training for that...I was so stressed and upset and felt genuinely unwell doing the training from panic at not understanding it quickly enough.

It's just searing hot panic I can't explain it any better, it is unbearable.

It all just makes me despair. How am I supposed to earn enough money to stay alive? I'm only ok because I'm in a loving marriage with DP who loves me enough to pay for me to live. I feel pathetic.

We are not in UK so we pay for medicine so I literally would be dead if I was alone. Even that pressure isn't enough to make me smart enough to be any good in a job. I just can't do it.

OP posts:
Butterbeer4All · 12/04/2022 00:02

OP, panic and anxiety are awful and I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Be kind to yourself. Flowers