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Original poster

Urgent - how do I quit this job tonight?

110 replies

Insuchafuckingbind · 11/04/2022 23:20

I need to write an email explaining I'm withdrawing from a freelance gig I was doing. But we haven't had a contract which makes it easier.

I cannot cope with it, I love the organisation which makes it hard but I'm overwhelmed by panic and never want to speak to any of them again.

What should I say?

OP posts:
LoisLane66 · 12/04/2022 07:54

I often wonder at the number of individuals who have mental health issues. I personally don't know anyone who suffers in that manner. Why is life becoming so impossible for so many of all ages? ADHD seems to be like the air we breath...everywhere. 😳😟

LoisLane66 · 12/04/2022 07:55

*breathe

Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 12/04/2022 07:57

I fuck up again and again and again though. I can't climb out of this despair.

Everyone is being so kind and supportive on this thread but I don't deserve that. I'm not good at my job, I have never lasted long term in a job to be good at it.

But over the years it's just got worse and worse. I panic hysterically (not using this word in a misogynistic way against myself or other women, I'm using it in a way to convey that level of visceral distress that becomes really physical with shaking and palpitations and numb dread, and then crying and crying) and have to quit and run after a very short time.

I'm so ashamed.

OP posts:
ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 12/04/2022 08:01

@Insuchafuckingbind

I fuck up again and again and again though. I can't climb out of this despair.

Everyone is being so kind and supportive on this thread but I don't deserve that. I'm not good at my job, I have never lasted long term in a job to be good at it.

But over the years it's just got worse and worse. I panic hysterically (not using this word in a misogynistic way against myself or other women, I'm using it in a way to convey that level of visceral distress that becomes really physical with shaking and palpitations and numb dread, and then crying and crying) and have to quit and run after a very short time.

I'm so ashamed.

The shame won’t help you quit your job though will it. Just send that email. Your ADHD anxiety is further sabotaging you right now and delaying the decision which will only make your anxiety worse- if you are going to quit the sooner you do it the better. Just send the email and let them know you will be uncontactable for a few days. You could say this is because of a health emergency which would not be a lie.
ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 12/04/2022 08:03

It's more people who will hate me because I'm such a mess.

No one will hate you - in the kindest possible way, they have more important people and things to be worried about than a work acquaintance’s decision to leave. Your brain is lying to you.

Trixielo · 12/04/2022 08:04

I’m sorry you’re in so much distress, it must be horrible. Have you ever thought about counselling?

R0tational · 12/04/2022 08:09

Hey OP. Just take some time to pare your life back to the minimum.

I will type more later - late for work.

Also when I have done the impulsive quitting thing I have sent a short email and closed the phone/email so I can go back to it when I am strong enough. Also I just said I had anxiety cos it was true and so they were kinder.

Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 12/04/2022 08:10

DP is going to be so disappointed I've fucked up again. Fucked up an ideal opportunity to build self esteem in a part time position.

The opportunities for jobs are going to start running out. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
R0tational · 12/04/2022 08:11

Not all of us are OK. Some of us have to manage what we have been dealt with. Its just how we are. We cant fight it.

AlistairCamel · 12/04/2022 08:12

@LoisLane66

I often wonder at the number of individuals who have mental health issues. I personally don't know anyone who suffers in that manner. Why is life becoming so impossible for so many of all ages? ADHD seems to be like the air we breath...everywhere. 😳😟
What do you wonder about? Adequate mental health support in the U.K. is not readily available. If you then whittle that down to support for ADHD, it’s practically non-existent. In my area it’s a four year wait to be assessed.

Also just because you don’t know if anyone who suffers in this manner, it doesn’t mean the problems aren’t there. There’s still a lot of stigma attached to mental health problems and it isn’t something many feel comfortable screaming from the roof tops.

Original poster
Insuchafuckingbind · 12/04/2022 08:13

No one will hate you - in the kindest possible way, they have more important people and things to be worried about than a work acquaintance’s decision to leave. Your brain is lying to you.

Of course they have better thing to be worried about I don't mean that at all.

I mean I've had some bosses make it very clear to me how stupid I was and how much of a fuck up I was - very clear and humiliating and I know how this goes.

OP posts:
AlistairCamel · 12/04/2022 08:13

@R0tational

Not all of us are OK. Some of us have to manage what we have been dealt with. Its just how we are. We cant fight it.
I’m saying this gently but please resign and put a plan in place to get help if you can. ADHD will be making it next to impossible to reach your potential.
Knittingchamp · 12/04/2022 08:14

@Insuchafuckingbind

I need to write an email explaining I'm withdrawing from a freelance gig I was doing. But we haven't had a contract which makes it easier.

I cannot cope with it, I love the organisation which makes it hard but I'm overwhelmed by panic and never want to speak to any of them again.

What should I say?

This is the great thing about freelance OP, no contract, no notice. They didn't give you that security, so you don't need to give it to them either. If notice was important to them they could have very easily factored that in to a contract.

If you can't face just saying you're ending the contract, just say you've been offered an amazing permanent opportunity and will sadly be having to withdraw from their position effective immediately. Then ignore all emails going forward. Don't feel bad at all OP, it's exactly the way it works in freelancing!

Also you shouldn't have to put up with all that stress from a company who gives you no job security, no notice period, pension or NI contributions, training, etc. Time to go!

ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 12/04/2022 08:14

@Insuchafuckingbind

DP is going to be so disappointed I've fucked up again. Fucked up an ideal opportunity to build self esteem in a part time position.

The opportunities for jobs are going to start running out. I don't know what to do.

They won’t. There will always be temp contracts etc. You could always learn coding/retrain etc. My sister has ADHD too and quits on impulse regularly too and each time I think how will he ever get another job, and he does - easily. You will too.

Do you and your husband need this money? Or can you live on his income alone? He will be disappointed but I’m sure he will expect it as he knows you. You can’t work in these conditions.

I’m not sure you have answered but is there a reason you don’t take ADHD meds?

BitOutOfPractice · 12/04/2022 08:14

Oh op I could cry reading how distressed you are.

I employ a lot of freelancers and I can tell you that if I thought a job was giving them this much distress I’d be so upset and move heaven and earth to help reframe the job to make it work for them. Because I know I wouldn’t have taken you on if you were shit.

You don’t sound a failure to me by the way. You have a happy marriage, saleable skills and you are very articulate.

I truly hope you can move on from this one way or the other and find a space that helps you feel happy and calm.

ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 12/04/2022 08:16

@Insuchafuckingbind

No one will hate you - in the kindest possible way, they have more important people and things to be worried about than a work acquaintance’s decision to leave. Your brain is lying to you.

Of course they have better thing to be worried about I don't mean that at all.

I mean I've had some bosses make it very clear to me how stupid I was and how much of a fuck up I was - very clear and humiliating and I know how this goes.

Well they don’t sound like the great organisation you have made them out to be in your OP. No need to feel bad for leaving then.
Knittingchamp · 12/04/2022 08:17

@Insuchafuckingbind

I fuck up again and again and again though. I can't climb out of this despair.

Everyone is being so kind and supportive on this thread but I don't deserve that. I'm not good at my job, I have never lasted long term in a job to be good at it.

But over the years it's just got worse and worse. I panic hysterically (not using this word in a misogynistic way against myself or other women, I'm using it in a way to convey that level of visceral distress that becomes really physical with shaking and palpitations and numb dread, and then crying and crying) and have to quit and run after a very short time.

I'm so ashamed.

Just a thought OP, could you do online content freelance writing? It's a very self determined role, often no contact with other staff members (or v little), and there is an intelligent and eloquent quality to how you write and the vocabulary that you use. You might suit it.
Equimum · 12/04/2022 08:18

OP I completely understand the panic you are in. I've been there many time (although no idea whether I have ADHD or not!). Send the email that other people have suggested and look into what you think may help you while taking a break. Take time to explore what you think may work for you, and try to get back in an equilibrium.

LoisLane66 I think you are right that modern life is proliferating mental health issues, but I also wonder if you really don't know anyone who experiences moments like this. A lot of people would have no idea that I struggle to cope with daily living. I have friends and live quite a normal life, but regularly hit periods of meltdown and fall apart. I just don't really disclose it to most people. Even my best friend probably doesn't know the extent of my difficulties. It's only really DH.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 12/04/2022 08:26

OP, I have unmedicated adhd, but I do take medications for severe anxiety. I'm on Propranolol and Escitalopram, but Sertraline is also prescribed for anxiety. I'd advise you to seek some treatment even if you can't take adhd meds. I also take several nootropic supplements which do address the adhd difficulties.

Garfieldismyspiritanimal · 12/04/2022 08:27

@Insuchafuckingbind
I have this same thing. Including the massive distress. And horror at what needs to be done and fear I can’t do it.
Just wanted to add an alternative perspective as it sounds like you are as distressed about quitting as about carrying on.
I’ve developed a coping mechanism that really works for me in this situation. I dissociate. Pretend it isn’t happening and do it anyway. One foot in front of the other. Say to yourself you are just pretending, or dreaming, or being filmed for a documentary and just do the things, but don’t emotionally engage.
I know it sounds crazy, but this has allowed me to stay in full time paid work (and do very well in it) for the past 25 years. I have to bring this strategy into play maybe once every couple of months, particularly for difficult situations, new or scary things, or just on a bad day. It’s really effective.

Flowers for you. It is shit to feel this way x

undisclosedname · 12/04/2022 08:31

Insucha I've gone through a similar event, but it took two panic attacks before I wrote the "I'm writing to let you know that I'm not well at this time and won't be able to complete the project" email; the work I was doing was a very big component of my anxiety.

It was a difficult ten minutes to write and send the email as all I could think was "they'll be so fucking annoyed and they'll hate me and never ask me to work for them again" but after a night's sleep I didn't much care what they thought. The response from my client was a cut and paste "sorry you're poorly, get better soon" so I gave them as little consideration as they gave me.

Your life and your wellbeing matter more than putting yourself through this. If you need time away from work to deal with what's troubling you that is where your energy should go. Flowers Best of luck to you - you can do this.

Kennykenkencat · 12/04/2022 08:41

Can I ask why you are unmedicated.

I take 70mg Elvanse and top up on dexamphetamine. I should be off my head but instead I can manage to stay awake during the day. Occasionally I get a flurry of getting shit done.
Without medication I had 59 years of barely functioning. I couldn’t hold down a job if the roof over my head depended on it.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 12/04/2022 08:44

Many people can't take adhd meds due to side effects. They can make anxiety and panic attacks much worse. Some people with certain health issues can't take them either.

Kennykenkencat · 12/04/2022 08:53

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Many people can't take adhd meds due to side effects. They can make anxiety and panic attacks much worse. Some people with certain health issues can't take them either.
There are different types of meds The non amphetamine based ones and the amphetamine based ones.

I have also been looking up other things you can take as Dd and I have different types of adhd.

There are in theory 7 types of adhd. There are tips in how you handle your variety that might help.

AlistairCamel · 12/04/2022 08:59

There are more meds than you would think. Non-stimulants are an option. Also there is an SNRI that apparently works well for ADHD.