Urgent - how do I quit this job tonight?

[Insuchafuckingbind]

I need to write an email explaining I'm withdrawing from a freelance gig I was doing. But we haven't had a contract which makes it easier.

I cannot cope with it, I love the organisation which makes it hard but I'm overwhelmed by panic and never want to speak to any of them again.

What should I say?

OP, sorry you are feeling so bad. I wouldn't worry too much about what people think. Stuff happens and plans change. Think of all the chopping and changing that has happened over the Covid epidemic. People who organise gigs will be used to it. It's a bit annoying but it's not the end of the world.

All ADHD meds can raise blood pressure.

I have several ophthalmic diseases which means my vision is quite complex and very precarious.

Raising blood pressure, even temporarily, can trigger severe loss of vision and it might not be reversible.

It's terrifying anyway on a day to day basis and I just avoid taking any medication that can make my eyes worse, or create further problems.

SSRIs have risks for anyone susceptible to glaucoma (which I don't have and really cannot afford to develop for my own sanity) so I avoid those too. It was after taking Lexapro for a year my eye condition got really bad so I can't shake off the fear.

Op I’m sending un mn hugs and support. I also have unmediated adhd and am thinking of getting a formal dx and meds. The difference to my ds in his anxiety after taking medication has been massive.

Oh I’ve just seen your updates. I’m so sorry you can’t take the medication. It sounds mad but yoga classes have really helped another relative I think has adhd

Remember the saying “It’s okay not to be okay”. Try not to beat yourself up. Send the email that’s been suggested by others (you’ll probably feel a bit better once that has been done). This might sound strange but some advice I was given about anxiety/panic was, rather than fight it, embrace the feeling and allow it to happen, it will then subside. All the best.

Hi OP

I wonder if in addition to PP's suggestion of asking them to work differently, in a way that suits you, could you use DP as a filter?

So he picks up all the messages and filters them, then when it's time for you to work he says OK, so you need to do x. Then when you've done it, take a break and ask him what next so it's all in manageable chunks and you're not flooded with an overwhelming amount of information?

Insuchafuckingbind I was looking at different types of cannabis in trials.

Also something like Chlonedine, it is usually prescribed to children with ADHD. I think that actually was originally used to reduces blood pressure.

OP, I'm another person in the same boat! Sending you lots of love, hope you feel better soon.
I took on a self employee role 6 months ago, after nearly 20 year quite successful career. I'm really not coping and I'm slowly but surely fucking it up. adhd here too. I'm working my way through Gabor Mate's audiobook Scattered Minds, which I hope will give me some strategies for the future, not working is not an option! Xxx

You’re not pathetic OP. Take some time and get some help.

OP, stop the navel gazing. You are ill, not pathetic.

You will not fail at everything, nor are you a terrible person. You are a person who needs to try to find a way to manage their anxiety as best they can, other than medication, which given your other issues might not be right, have you found anything else that is helpful to you? What have you tried?

Oh op, you have anxiety and ADHD which are great for making you feel like the worst person in the world. You have had the awful time where someone has told you you're stupid at work and I think things like that cloud every other work situation.

You have a lot to deal with, with your health condition, freelance, anxiety and ADHD, anyone could find even just one of these difficult.

I am in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD, and so much of what you say rings true for me too.

We are so harsh on ourselves. To the person who was wondering about why mental health issues seem more prolific, yet they don't know anyone - I do think that people are maybe a bit more proactive about seeking help now. But some feel there is still a stigma attached so they may not report their conditions to friends or family, or indeed work.

As for the rise in ADHD, i believe boys present the "classic" ADHD symptoms, and are more readily diagnosed. Girls and women can tend to present differently, and ADHD can therefore be less likely to be diagnosed.

You are unwell
I dont have anything like you have, but when I am unwell, I have realised that not only can my solutions to a problem be wrong, but so can the actual questions I am asking myself.

I take a good quality orange juice for more vit c, and cabbage, even white cabbage. Both of those things seem to keep all of me well.

Those may not work for you or they might. They are not prescribed mediacation.

My mum takes extra B12. That is what works for her. She was told to take it years ago "for her nerves".

If I were you, I would ask your doctor what non medication you can take regularly which may help you.

Sorry op,posted too soon. I know that making decisions can be really difficult, talk with your partner, send a message like the one suggested in the first few posts. Take some.time to recharge. Take care.

Sorry to hear you are struggling and feeling so bad about yourself. You are not useless or a fuck up. Our worth is not dictated purely by the paid work we do (although I know sometimes it can feel that way in this society).

I have found some supplements to help before, and meditation.

I should think you've tried them but worth a go. Not sure if you can buy this brand where you are (or if they are safe for you) but maybe you can get similar.

www.brainzyme.com/products/brainzyme-focus-3-in-1-set-adhd?gclid=Cj0KCQjwxtSSBhDYARIsAEn0thTBoKzcrkPBq0fXIaY6Tsd0TkRgNn8Mup_KXFRGwTesZXXj8azcFxwaAvVXEALw_wcB

It's okay to reflect on things you have done wrong and use that to improve things in the future. It is not OK to ruminate on it.

There won't be one answer or cure. It will be lots if small things that will all add up. There are some great suggestions on this thread.

I would see if you can access some talking therapy. It sounds like your problem with your vision is hugely traumatic and talking to a professional could really help you with that.

In the mean time, keep talking here, keep feeling the support. I really hope you find a way to be kinder to yourself.

As another uneducated ADHD I can relate. I hope you’re feeling better this morning.
I find working so stressful at times, I’m never able to switch off everything is always running through my brain and I have autism fighting against it and they both want different things at times which just results in paralysis.

Look after yourself

@LoisLane66

I think you likely don’t see it as we mask. I am not far off qualifying as a vet. No one would know, yet I come home everyday to a messy house, absolutely exhausted and I burst into tears often unable to make myself anything to eat. Just to do it all again.

I feel for you OP, I suspect I have ADHD and have a habit of stressing over things to the point I struggle with work, I have had many jobs that I love it the anxiety I get when I think I may let people down is immense and often results in me leaving my job. I have had several small businesses but the responsibility of pulling things off was just too much even though I had never had any bad feedback from what I do. Anxiety sucks and sometimes it’s easier to run away from a situation rather than face the anxiety it’s causing.

@LoisLane66 they haven't got ADHD tattooed on their foreheads. You will be meeting them every day and have no idea the effort it takes them to appear "normal" and coping. Or they may still not realise what it is that is preventing them from sailing through life as easily as others seem to.

All ADHD meds can raise blood pressure.

Can, maybe, have the potential to, not will. Also, if the situation is such that any rise will cause physiological impairment then I imagine what you are currently enduring ‘may’ cause a shift due to stress? So, I gather you are monitoring daily and also take meds to prevent if this is the scenario? It is surprising as if monitoring constantly due to this issue then any slight shift due to medication would be caught before significant, and at that point wouldn’t be any higher than due to a rise naturally caused by stress.

Not all options have this potential either, there would be off label options, and as a PP said that be of which actually lowers BP anyway. Have you discussed all of this with a psych as they are well versed in options and their pharmacology, and it seems odd they have not been able to identify anything, including off-label! Not my area but look like some options. I’d look at seeing someone else to be frank.

I also have a child who has been on ADHD meds for around 15 years now, along with a plethora for other mental health issues. They work extremely efficiently in a high stakes professional role and do really well, need to top up with a short acting in the afternoon and take them 7 days as otherwise they literally couldn’t put their socks on, and get quite distressed as they don’t like ‘their brain not working’ (their words).

@LoisLane66

I often wonder at the number of individuals who have mental health issues. I personally don't know anyone who suffers in that manner. Why is life becoming so impossible for so many of all ages? ADHD seems to be like the air we breath...everywhere. 😳😟

It has always been there it just wasn’t labelled as ADHD. My whole extended family have ADHD. My Dd has ADHD, I have ADHD, my son is waiting for his assessment for ADHD. Dh has all the signs of ADHD but won’t get tested. Personally I am sure if dh was NT I would not have ended up with him.

I was considered a day dreamer who couldn’t sit still. Trying to not move is painful.
If only I could concentrate on the lesson was always a thing I was told. I developed a way of looking at the teacher but my mind was elsewhere.

@HoppingPavlova

All ADHD meds can raise blood pressure.

Can, maybe, have the potential to, not will. Also, if the situation is such that any rise will cause physiological impairment then I imagine what you are currently enduring ‘may’ cause a shift due to stress? So, I gather you are monitoring daily and also take meds to prevent if this is the scenario? It is surprising as if monitoring constantly due to this issue then any slight shift due to medication would be caught before significant, and at that point wouldn’t be any higher than due to a rise naturally caused by stress.

Not all options have this potential either, there would be off label options, and as a PP said that be of which actually lowers BP anyway. Have you discussed all of this with a psych as they are well versed in options and their pharmacology, and it seems odd they have not been able to identify anything, including off-label! Not my area but look like some options. I’d look at seeing someone else to be frank.

I also have a child who has been on ADHD meds for around 15 years now, along with a plethora for other mental health issues. They work extremely efficiently in a high stakes professional role and do really well, need to top up with a short acting in the afternoon and take them 7 days as otherwise they literally couldn’t put their socks on, and get quite distressed as they don’t like ‘their brain not working’ (their words).

Your child sounds like me except I went 59 years not having a brain that worked. It was sole destroying.

Personally I think you have to tell psychs and doctors what you want. If you wait for them to come up with a particular treatment you would be waiting years.
I think they know of individual medications and individual illnesses, issues etc but I don’t trust them to marry up specific outside the norm medications as a treatment for a particular issue.

I've started ADHD coaching and my coach said that first of all I need to learn to understand how my brain works, we are working on me understanding what my strengths are so that I can use them when my ADHD freezes my brain or am experiencing my dopamine crash.
Maybe you need something similar?
You have good qualities and a lot going on for you. In time of stress you are losing access to those qualities and you are getting anxious.
Have you had anyone working with you on how your ADHD is affecting you?

I can relate to you and the only way I could to stick to a job was to completely retrain and do something I knew I was good at. I still only work part time but I can manage it.

Is there something you absolutely love doing which you could retrain to do as a job?

Take it in steps. Say you don't feel well and you have to take a week. Take a week.

If you still feel the same way, try and line up someone else to step in or if you can't, just say you only think it's fair you withdraw and apologise for letting them down but you are not well.

No point in burning your bridges. If they thought you were bad and you were a contractor, they would simply terminate your contract. So it's likely your brain playing tricks on you.