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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate dummies !!!

327 replies

EsmeDavina · 11/04/2022 17:07

I have a real hatred for toddlers with dummies! It actually irks me so much.

I totally get there is a time and place for dummies to soothe and settle babies.

My own son had a dummy as a newborn but I took it off him/he gave it up at around 6 months.

I could not bear for him to be one of these children you see with a dummy you cannot part them from.

My friends children his age still have dummies and every photograph you see of them they have this unsightly thing plugged in their mouths.

Even when we are out, they are given the dummy for no reason. Not upset, not settling to sleep just automatically put in the mouth.

I never used to have such a thing about dummies until I became a mum and I don't know why they annoy me so much 😂 !!

I know it's stupid because they aren't my children however does it bother anyone else as much ?

OP posts:
Cassandra9 · 11/04/2022 23:32

How can anyone have such such strong opinions on someone else’s child doing something that doesn’t impact them at all. If you really can’t stand seeing a toddler with a dummy in I think you could do with a bit of self reflection.
did you just want everyone to join in so you could pat each other on the back for being so much better than the dummy sucking toddler parents. Start another thread where you ask for advice on what it is your feeling insecure about which has led to this desperate scrabble to find something you think makes you superior.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/04/2022 23:35

Hey op you know you do stuff that annoys / horrifies other people —like start shitty judgmental snobby posts on mn— don’t you?

Seriously, unclench.

Marvellousmadness · 11/04/2022 23:39

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Bizawit · 11/04/2022 23:42

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Phewthemutinyworked · 11/04/2022 23:49

@Whatelsecouldibecalled

I'm the mother you hate. My boy is two. He had a dummy in today when I needed to do the food shop.

What you saw was a toddler with a dummy.

What you didn't see is a toddler with an ear infection feeling rubbish having a bit of comfort.

What you didn't see was a mother who had been up all night just trying to survive the food shop without a meltdown that would give more judgemental looks.

What you didn't see was that my boy rarely has it unless asleep or not well.

What you didn't see is the way you made me feel like a shitty mum for your judgemental attitude.

Not your child not your business

This 100% My granddaughter has a dummy when she is tired and unwell she is a happy girlie and her Mother is amazing and studying at Uni to be a social worker …leave your judgemental comments before you type!!
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/04/2022 00:57

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BabyBunnyMama · 12/04/2022 01:04

We had got my almost 3YO DD down to just using them at naptime and bedtime from about 18 months, she would have e also had it occassionally if she was feeling unwell or for 'wind down' time when she stopped napping. She recently gave them up on her own accord, I had no intention on forcing them off her as they were a comfort for her.

I personally didn't want her to have them all day long for the speech/teeth issues they can cause and I can see where you are coming from! Sometimes I think other parents are just being lazy and giving it to them for an easy life and I don't believe every toddler that has a dummy in 24/7 has SPD/Autism etc.

SagaNorenLansrimMalmo · 12/04/2022 01:27

I used to love dummies! And then I found out they were linked to a much higher risk of ear infections and my most avid dummy lover suffered with terrible ear infections including a perforated ear drum twice. So neither of my subsequent kids had dummies…

TGLucie · 12/04/2022 01:31

My LO didn't use a dummy regularly, occasional nighttime when his reflux was bad. We were told by the HV to give it at night as much as possible as it would help ease reflux due to the saliva production.

Worked a treat! No more night screaming and no more sick.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 12/04/2022 01:35

Sheesh, your life must be really boring to get so worked about something like this? I also notice IRL thats it’s incredibly insecure people who are most het up about other people parenting choices e.g. this, FF, full time working mothers etc. They try to appear reasonable IRL but you can tell which of your acquaintances would be venomous on social media.

rolllan · 12/04/2022 01:44

@Marvellousmadness regular babies wtf!!
All babies are different but they all need comfort. My first cried so much a dummy helped him for a few minutes and that was great. The only thing I know about being a mum is every baby is so different there is no regular! You could read a book and be the best parent to one child, but have 2 more and you have to be different to each child.

TheTonEffect · 12/04/2022 02:14

[quote rolllan]@Marvellousmadness regular babies wtf!!
All babies are different but they all need comfort. My first cried so much a dummy helped him for a few minutes and that was great. The only thing I know about being a mum is every baby is so different there is no regular! You could read a book and be the best parent to one child, but have 2 more and you have to be different to each child. [/quote]
Same here. My baby has awful digestive and colic issues and screams for hours. Breastfeeding/dummy help to calm him down. What am I supposed to do - leave my child to cry in pain? I can't help feeling they've never had a colicky child before. Or have a complete lack of empathy Hmm

MajorCarolDanvers · 12/04/2022 02:33

My first had a dummy which we got rid of when a toddler.

My second refused a dummy and became a thumb sucker. We are still battling at age 10 to get her to stop.

I really regret not persevering with getting her to take a dummy.

Wednesdayafternoon · 12/04/2022 02:56

My eldest stopped using his dummy at about 3 months, my youngest is almost 2 and although if it wa sup to him he'd have it all day long he's only allowed it at bedtime.
Both breast fed, both well and happy.

I think they look adorable with them in, but I would be concerned about speech development if he had it all the time.

I don't see how there is a SEN link with a dummy - it's a comfort thing and we all have comfort measures.

Nat6999 · 12/04/2022 03:30

Ds had a dummy until he was 6, perfectly straight teeth, is autistic but wasn't diagnosed until he was 9. Started talking age 11 months, went quiet for a month & was speaking in full sentences by 14 months. He didn't sleep through the night consistently until he was 4. How dare you try to comment on how anyone raises their children. If you put 30 school children in a line could you pick who had a dummy or who was BF or FF? No you can't.

veggiemonster · 12/04/2022 03:40

I agree with you, can’t stand them

rolllan · 12/04/2022 04:04

@TheTonEffect my first I was 21 and he had bad bad colic. Then went to a baby group where I was clinging on , and a group of older women absolutely destroyed me for using a dummy, like I was actively mirdering my son. I cried so much because I was doing my best and it was the only thing that stopped him crying for a few minutes.. i had to leave a sure start group becaue it was a complete gang up on dummies. my second son I didn't use a dummy because I was so bullied previously that I was the worst mum for giving a dummy

rolllan · 12/04/2022 04:09

However that's when I got so much crap for breastfeeding my son over 6 months, because everyone thought that he should be on bottles or food. Exactly the same amount of crap that I didn't manage to breastfeed first son well, so complete abuse or general unsupport from everyone I knew!

CandyLeBonBon · 12/04/2022 04:20

My eldest kept his until he was 6. At night mainly. Also autistic. And a blankie too which he still has, aged 20.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

CompletelyNewAgain · 12/04/2022 06:38

@AHungryCaterpillar

All the kids I know who had them late don’t have sen.
All the kids I know who had them "late" did.
Chiefofstaff · 12/04/2022 06:49

I don’t really notice when I’m out and about. Is it much different to a toddler carting a blanket or cuddly toy wherever they go? Maybe because these are cuter comfort objects that they’re not seen as a bad thing. Toddlers and small children often get very attached to all sorts of things and unless there’s SN, they will no doubt not be needing then forever. I must admit I can’t sleep without my teddy in bed though.

ladygindiva · 12/04/2022 07:03

@TGLucie

My LO didn't use a dummy regularly, occasional nighttime when his reflux was bad. We were told by the HV to give it at night as much as possible as it would help ease reflux due to the saliva production.

Worked a treat! No more night screaming and no more sick.

I was told the same, as my twins had reflux and it really did help.
ladygindiva · 12/04/2022 07:05

The only child of mine with orthodontic issues was the non dummy user.

ladygindiva · 12/04/2022 07:06

@Blaggertyjibbet

YABU. Better a dummy that you can take away at 2 years old than a prolonged finger sucking habit that can really mess with their teeth.
Exactly, this.
Minatrina · 12/04/2022 07:25

I think I'd find some more important things to worry about tbh, tiny bit tragic to have this strong of an opinion on something like a dummy