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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to visit today? Very sore

106 replies

newbornbubble · 11/04/2022 09:01

Had DS on Friday by c-section and was home by Saturday. MIL and FIL haven't seen him yet as we wasn't discharged until late Saturday then they wasn't able to visit yesterday. My mum was here helping us and BIL visited yesterday.

I sat downstairs all day yesterday as BIL visited and didn't want to feel rude and by the end of the night I was in so much pain.

I just want a day in bed today with OH and the kids then happy for them to visit tomorrow. Or do I just suck it up and get on with it? I know OH is dying for them to meet him and I don't want them to feel like I'm leaving them out as my mum has been here.

OP posts:
littlemissalwaystired · 11/04/2022 09:03

Congratulations! Hope you're recovering well. Do they live close enough to do two short visits? Come in for a quick cuddle and coo over the baby today, then your DH can send home them home promptly with the reassurance they can also come for a quick visit tomorrow too? Don't know if that sounds better or worse to you!

zafferana · 11/04/2022 09:03

Honestly, I think it's a bit mean to cancel you PIL when you've had two days of your own family visiting and you had no problem with that. If you feel sore, stay in bed, your OH can make the tea and do the heavy lifting.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2022 09:03

You can stay in bed while your husband introduces them to the baby. Problem solved.

Blush21 · 11/04/2022 09:04

Could make a compromise and say just and hour or two visit to meet the new baby as you’re recovering but more than happy to see them whatever day suits for longer when feeling better?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/04/2022 09:04

Just stay in bed and let your dh deal with visitors. No need to get up. I think it would be rotten to cancel.

Candleabra · 11/04/2022 09:04

Oh your mum is different. I would ask them to postpone. They’ll understand. You had a big operation on Friday and must be overwhelmed.
Congratulations on your new baby.

Ps don’t feel you need to entertain your visitors. Unless they’re being very helpful they shouldn’t be staying for ages.

frazzledasarock · 11/04/2022 09:05

If they/any guests come around, don’t feel obliged to sit around feeling in pin. Get up tell them you’re hurting and need a lie down and go and lie down.

You’ve had major abdominal surgery, don’t feel obliged to pander to anybody.

MairzyDoats · 11/04/2022 09:07

Just stay in bed! DH can introduce them to the baby, if they're nice people they'll understand you might not be up to hostessing today.

Datada · 11/04/2022 09:08

You can cancel. You are in pain.

phoenixrosehere · 11/04/2022 09:09

Honestly, I think it's a bit mean to cancel you PIL when you've had two days of your own family visiting and you had no problem with that.

It was just her mother and PIL can wait a day or two. She just had the baby, a c-section, and isn’t going anywhere.

Congrats OP and rest well.

Aimee1987 · 11/04/2022 09:09

I would say let them come but stay in bed. Let's face it its baba they want to meet. Have a couple of hours to rest / sleep while baby is downstairs with family and DH can bring baba upstairs when they need a feed ( if breast feeding)

BogRollBOGOF · 11/04/2022 09:09

BiL was DS2's first visitor. I slept through it because I was discharged earlier than expected and he ended up coming to the house rather than the hospital. I was burned out from the journey and stayed put in bed.

After DS1's EMCS I was limited in how long I could sit for a few weeks (stitches at the main exit and sunroof!). Good visitors won't mind if you shuffle off to bed and delegate the entertaining.

Weenurse · 11/04/2022 09:10

Have them come over and you plan a nap.
He will look like father of the year as he entertains while looking after the baby.
You will get some much needed rest.

jytdtysrht · 11/04/2022 09:12

What did they do on Sunday that was more important than meeting the baby?

For that reason, I’d not really worry about telling them you need today as rest.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 11/04/2022 09:14

You can stay in bed. Its weird that you were ok with your family coming over but now that the PIL's are coming you want a reason not to see them. You can stay in bed and they can see the baby with your H

beautifullymad · 11/04/2022 09:14

Don't get out of bed! Certainly don't be downstairs or in the lounge for any visits.
Don't get dressed either.

They are visiting to see the baby. They need see you are in bed feeding and recovering so their visit is quick or helpful.

Don't give it another thought. And if you are asleep when they arrive then so be it.

Don't worry too much about the logistics of this. Have full permission to do what you need. It's their job to fit around you.

Teaandcrumpets95 · 11/04/2022 09:15

If it's just an hour planned for this morning kinda thing id probably try and get it out the way.
Anything more rearrange for tomorrow or maybe the day after.

You've just had the baby it's your call at the end of the day x

custardbear · 11/04/2022 09:16

Say hello and leave them with your DH whilst you get some rest.
Do this with all visitors. Your needs come first,
Along with your baby's
Congratulations!

MatildaTheCat · 11/04/2022 09:17

Ah stay in bed and let them come and have a cuddle downstairs for an hour or so? Let DH message or call and say everyone is looking forward to seeing them at x o clock for an hour though obviously you are still very much early days and resting.

You never know they may be useful. They will remember when CS meant several days in hospital.

Only caveat is if you have day 4 blues. That is a get out card.

strrawberriesandcream · 11/04/2022 09:17

I wouldn't cancel but I wouldn't pussy foot around anybody wanting to visit either I would make it suit me.

Be clear it won't be a long visit and will be at a time that fits in with you, and if you need to be in bed let your husband sort everything out downstairs.

Original poster
newbornbubble · 11/04/2022 09:18

No my mum was here taking care of the kids whilst we was in hospital I came back home Saturday and she left yesterday. PIL couldn't come yesterday as they had to take nephews to football.

Then OH's brother visited all day yesterday. I think I will just suck it up then don't want to look or feel like I am leaving people out. I haven't seen them in a few weeks either so sitting upstairs whilst they visit isn't an option I would feel rude.

OP posts:
pictish · 11/04/2022 09:18

@custardbear

Say hello and leave them with your DH whilst you get some rest. Do this with all visitors. Your needs come first, Along with your baby's Congratulations!
Absolutely this. A cheerful enough hello followed by explanation of pain and exhaustion and off to bed for you, leaving dh to entertain.
JudgeRindersMinder · 11/04/2022 09:18

@phoenixrosehere

Honestly, I think it's a bit mean to cancel you PIL when you've had two days of your own family visiting and you had no problem with that.

It was just her mother and PIL can wait a day or two. She just had the baby, a c-section, and isn’t going anywhere.

Congrats OP and rest well.

And the PIL are “just” HIS mother….as others have said, let dh do the hostessing and you take it easy
Chloemol · 11/04/2022 09:21

Dh just needs to set some expectations here about them coming just for an hour then going

And why did he let bil stay all day! Why did you, just get up and say sorry I am going to rest now

linerforlife · 11/04/2022 09:21

Goodness sake - she's just been through 9 months of pregnancy and a c section. Do what you want OP. Your recovery is paramount here. Congrats on your new arrival and I hope your post partum recovery is a swift one.

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