To move out and leave this mess for poor DP

158 replies

Flumped · 11/04/2022 07:55

OK, bear with me. There's a huge problem currently with lots of flats. If they were built with certain types of material they can't be sold until the material has been replaced (because of Grenfell). In most cases, affected flats can't be rented out either due to mortage/insurance restrictions. This has trapped thousands of people in their flats they scrimped and saved to buy, unable to move for the past few years.

DP is currently one of those affected. I've been living in his very small 1 bed flat with him now for two years. It's in the London commuter belt, in a concrete town with nothing to do, right next to a busy main road - I get woken up by lorries every single morning around 5/6am, and it's made my asthma worse. Since the pandemic we work remotely, but I have to work in our bedroom. So I spend 20 odd hours a day in my room, sleeping and working, Mon-Fri. It now looks like his block of flats won't be fixed for another 2 years. I'm absolutely crawling the walls and can't stay here any more. I'm 35, I've lived and travelled all over the world. I love hiking and cycling but I can't do either of those things here, I'm completely trapped and I can't believe this is my life. He's had to fork out thousands for this flat problem and doesn't want to go on holiday or spend any money in case more bills come. It's an awful situation for him, it's not his fault, and he's a brilliant man and partner, but I can't live like this anymore. I'm not bound by the flat. I'm thinking of just leaving. Is that awful?

OP posts:

Dixiechickonhols · 12/04/2022 20:16

You’ve posted before Op. If you aren’t happy move on. It’s his flat his issue. Life is too short to be miserable.

Itsbackagain · 12/04/2022 20:19

If you want to leave then you should leave, for whatever reason.

1forAll74 · 12/04/2022 20:31

It depends on what your relationship is like,, and how your partner feels about things, but you are at the forefront of how you feel about being locked in with this situation, and it wont be the best relationship, if you can't stand your living space anymore.

Tigofigo · 12/04/2022 20:53

I remember the last thread too. It sounds miserable, but also that you have got into a really negative mindset. Some questions still unanswered:

Have you actually explained to your employer that WFH isn't working for you and asked if they can provide an office space?

Have you told your partner that you can't handle it and want to leave the flat? Had he suggested any solutions?

Why is it too late to have DC?

Overall, I think it sounds like you're not compatible. He doesn't want to go out or do anything and, ultimately, chooses to live in a shitty flat where you have to work in the bedroom.

That may be mostly circumstantial but what's HE doing to improve things?

user1471457751 · 12/04/2022 21:10

I don't know why you think your situation would be much better if you left. You've said you would have to move into a houseshare so you would still be working in your bedroom and instead of sharing a kitchen/lounge/bathroom with 1 person, you could be sharing with 3 or 4 strangers.

And even if your DP was able to sell would the 2 of you be able to rent anything bigger? Given renting is often more expensive than mortgage I doubt it.

If the real problem is your DP can't afford to do certain things until he knows the cost of the cladding bills then 1.do cheap things 2. Save the more expensive things for your friends or 3. Subsidise him if you are not paying him a market rent for a shared room

zestyflavour · 13/04/2022 15:57

Move out and live your life - you have one, so make sure you don’t look back with bitterness and resentment at wasting months or years in a place that makes you so unhappy. If the relationship is meant to be you’ll both be fine

Kennykenkencat · 17/04/2022 15:40

@user1471457751

And even if your DP was able to sell would the 2 of you be able to rent anything bigger? Given renting is often more expensive than mortgage I doubt it.

The op and her partner don’t have to stick to London. They could move anywhere.

For what her partner is paying out for the flat they could probably rent a 3 bed detached somewhere in the country for 1/2 what he is paying out for a pokey flat. With the op they could then save their money and I would say before the problems in the flat have been repaired and paid for they could be both in a house they have bought together.

It is just a case of making that leap and not holding on to something that might rise in value between now and 2 years time by £50k but if it is costing you £2k per month to realise the £50k then the sums don’t add up. But having already spent that amount I can see why people are reluctant to make the leap.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/05/2022 10:34

It’s fine to dump your partner if you want to - you’re not married, no children and only yourself to think about

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