Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
ZoyaTheDestroyer · 11/04/2022 08:51

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
Unless you are seriously suggesting that the writers of the note have been watching your parents and know that your mother is ill in order to swoop in like vultures then, in the kindest possible way, you are being ridiculous. Take it as the compliment that it is to the house and think no more about it.
Silverclocks · 11/04/2022 08:51

It seems perfectly reasonable to me. They're saying if they want to sell they'd be interested and that it could save the EA fees.

Very easy to refuse or ignore altogether. No need for angst.

Thatsplentyjack · 11/04/2022 08:51

I get what you're saying OP. It's the wording "please would you consider selling" it's like they want them to up and leave right now so they can have the house because it would be more convenient for them. That's pretty entitled to me. It would be better if they had said something along the lines of "if you are ever thinking of selling.....". Also the " of course the would pay full market value"....Well yes, obviously not sure that needed saying.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 11/04/2022 08:51

As so many PP's have already said, don't take it personally, it happens all the time.

My Dsis did this and is now my very welcome next door neighbour!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/04/2022 08:52

@uggmum

I get these sort of notes through the door on a regular basis. Some from individuals and some from Estate Agents. Just ignore it, put it in the bin.

I don't understand why you are getting so het up by it.

Yes, happens all the time. It's how my parents bought their house 18 years ago.
Octomore · 11/04/2022 08:52

@BluKorner

I’m with you on this OP. My parents have had a note like this so I know it’s common, but there’s something off about targeting an elderly couple.
But they almost certainly weren't "targeting an elderly couple" - they pro ably have no idea who lives there or what their circumstances are.

They were targeting a house (or several houses), and it happens that an elderly couple live there.

Rufus27 · 11/04/2022 08:52

We bought our current house this way and are trying to buy our next house using the same method. In the village in which we want to buy, a big percentage of houses sell privately and never appear on the market.
We’ve received several responses - none wanting to sell their house, but people just sympathising with the difficulties buying at present and wishing us luck.

Possiblynotever · 11/04/2022 08:54

It happened to us but on a house my DH inherited which was left empty during the pandemic.
The message said that the house was lovely and that they were willing to buy or rent.
They are now renting and we like them.

Octomore · 11/04/2022 08:55

@Thatsplentyjack

I get what you're saying OP. It's the wording "please would you consider selling" it's like they want them to up and leave right now so they can have the house because it would be more convenient for them. That's pretty entitled to me. It would be better if they had said something along the lines of "if you are ever thinking of selling.....". Also the " of course the would pay full market value"....Well yes, obviously not sure that needed saying.
The "please would you consider selling" in the OP wasn't a direct quote - it could just be the OP's interpretation of what was said rather than what the letter actually said.
zafferana · 11/04/2022 08:55

I can understand you and your DPs feeling a bit disconcerted if this has never happened before OP, particularly as the writers of the note do seem to have been scoping out the house! It is quite normal though. I know when Kirstie and Phil are looking for houses for their TV programme they flyer the entire area that the home-searchers like to see if anyone is interested in selling and they often say 'this house is not on the open market, but the current owners would be open to an offer in the region of £xxx'.

marmalade32 · 11/04/2022 08:55

I think what you find upsetting is the thought of not inheriting the house tbh, because I find it hard to believe you've never heard of this happening. I bought my house by putting notes through doors. Housing TV shows tell people to do it. It's unlikely theirs was the only house targeted too.

ancientgran · 11/04/2022 08:56

@Rufus27

We bought our current house this way and are trying to buy our next house using the same method. In the village in which we want to buy, a big percentage of houses sell privately and never appear on the market. We’ve received several responses - none wanting to sell their house, but people just sympathising with the difficulties buying at present and wishing us luck.
How very non MN of them. Nice though.
TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/04/2022 08:56

I get these all the time (they are targeting me because I live in a nice but inexpensive street near the tube). It is nothing personal, your parents are just feeling vulnerable because of their age and your mother's frailty.

HeDidWhattt · 11/04/2022 08:56

I’m amazed how you have managed to spin this non event around to be something so negative!

It’s a normal thing and a compliment that they love the house, not an insult in hoping your parents die soon because their old!!!!!! Who even thinks like that!!!!

Schoolchoicesucks · 11/04/2022 08:56

Are you suggesting that the note writers know your mother has been through cancer and that's contributed to them "targeting" the house?

Honestly, you're making an issue of something that is not. They like the house. They're politely letting your parents know that if they were considering selling they would be interested in buying it.

Your parents aren't so that's it.
Nothing more to think about.

OrangeIsNotTheOnlyColour · 11/04/2022 08:58

I think its completely understandable that you feel protective of your parents under the circumstances, but the neighbours haven't really done anything wrong.

I hope your parents are getting on okay.

MaudieandMe · 11/04/2022 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilac57 · 11/04/2022 08:58

I have a relative who lives in a lovely cottage in a prominent location in their village and they’re always getting notes like this. They ignore them, no one has ever followed up with anything after the ignored note. It may come across that the couple wishing to purchase it are a bit entitled, but they can do nothing more than ask, and it’s good to know the house herb appeal if your parents ever do wish to sell.

Silverclocks · 11/04/2022 08:59

Even if they have realised DM is ill, it just means that they've noticed she's struggling with mobility and that DPs may be thinking of downsizing (as they are). It doesn't make them vultures.

HazelBite · 11/04/2022 08:59

You are overreacting.
I get notes like this through the door on a regular basis, as we live in a house that due to its position/site is rather unique in a SE commuter town, also loads from developers as we live on a large plot.
I am not going to sell any time soon!

MaudieandMe · 11/04/2022 08:59

@bellac11

Apologies. Not sure what happened there. Was quoting the OP but it went wrong. Confused

MrsDamonSalvatore · 11/04/2022 09:00

I don’t understand why you think it’s cheeky or entitled. They’ve seen the house and liked the look of it as they passed by. (It’s not invisible, so they’re not being ‘watched’!) They are politely expressing interest on the off chance your parents might be interested in selling at some point. My brother did this, posted a polite note through a picturesque cottage door, and as it happened the owners were planning on selling. They ended up selling the house to my brother in a very straightforward transaction and saved themselves thousands on estate agent fees. What’s the issue? If your parents aren’t interested, it no loss to them, just take it as a compliment.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/04/2022 09:00

I think what you find upsetting is the thought of not inheriting the house tbh, because I find it hard to believe you've never heard of this happening

I don't think this is fair - I think the OP is probably worried and sensitive about her parents getting older. I am about mine and it makes me overprotective.

MaudieandMe · 11/04/2022 09:01

@SewingMum46

Maybe you’re looking at this from the perspective of when you bought your house and probably looked in Estate Agents windows or at houses for sale online, so any other buying process seems wrong and intrusive?

When we moved house to a new area, we spent months driving around all the little back roads to see where they went to and look at what sort of properties were built there. We did end up in a few farm yards when the roads ran out.

mrshoho · 11/04/2022 09:01

I don't think you need to worry or be suspicious. We have had similar letters as have our neighbours. In our case it's not because the house/garden is lovely but rather families wanting to move to be near particular schools. Your parents should just bin it if they have no intention to move. Nothing wrong in avoiding estate agent fees if the house sells itself. It's quite simple to get an up to date market valuation as well.