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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 11/04/2022 09:02

I think its quite common, so I wouldn't worry I don't think there is anything sinister in it, they probably just really do like the house, and chances are, your parents aren't the only ones that have had this letter, understandably you're concerned for your parents, but please don't be, just disregard the card and think no more about it. Your dad sounds super savvy, so I definitely wouldn't worry about him at all, he's got the lay of the land.

BuanoKubiamVej · 11/04/2022 09:02

Yabu to feel so offended that the question was asked. There's no pressure from a single message. If it became a campaign of harassment that would be unreasonable but that's not happening. It's not wromg or offensive to ask a question to which the answer is no, so long as you accept the answer.

I disagree with pp saying to ignore it. They should reply
"We built this house ourselves and it is the only house we want to live in. We intend to live here until we die. It is likely that when we do die this house will remain as a family home for one of our grown children. All our family memories of the past 6 decades are here. It would take an offer of at least double market value for us to even consider the possibility of selling and even then might choose not to. You had better look elsewhere."

If you ignore it they will only ask again because they haven't had a reply and for all they know the idea might be an attractive one that is being considered.

Nennypops · 11/04/2022 09:02

@EmergencyHydrangea

I think it's rude and invasive
Is this an extension of that weird MN meme about it being rude to come to people's houses or phone them without an appointment? How can putting a note through a door be invasive? How do you cope with advertising flyers and election leaflets?
Liamgallaghersparka · 11/04/2022 09:02

Well I must be in the very small minority because I've never heard of this and actually thought it sounded a bit cheeky.
To be fair, it's completely up to OP and family what happens to the house in the future.
And for people saying ' Get a grip' or ' Christ get over yourself', back off a bit, OP is just asking a perfectly reasonable question with her parents as her priority.

knittingaddict · 11/04/2022 09:03

I've never done it myself, but I've seen it suggested and can't see anything wrong with it.

If I came into a considerable sum of money there are some houses in our area that I would definitely try this approach with. We live in an area with some beautiful houses and it's my personal property fantasy and something I ask myself - is it worthy of putting a note through the door? Sometimes the answer is yes.

ButtOutBobsMum · 11/04/2022 09:03

Sorry your mum is ill OP and I totally get being protective of them. I also get that it would seem very odd if you've never heard of the practice before.

To offer another perspective, I would LOVE someone to do this to me! I would quite like to move but just cannot face the idea of putting it on the market and always having to keep it "viewing ready". Plus I don't fancy loads of people trolling through my house critiquing it. So if someone actually approached me and said they'd like to buy my house for market value I'd rip their arm off Grin

BerthaLovelock · 11/04/2022 09:04

Ridiculous OP. Sold pil’s house in this way - what a boon!

We had a letter recently - the enquirer said they had funds in place and gave their solicitor’s details to prove their solid interest. We aren’t in a position to sell atm but I would certainly consider this kind of approach if I was thinking about selling.

millymae · 11/04/2022 09:04

It happens all the time and in my experience is something that isn’t even a new thing - I worked with someone whose parents bought a house this way in the 80’s.
Look upon the letter as something to be borne in mind if and when the time comes to sell. It will save your parents having to pay EA fees as well as the buyer.
It’s not about me, I know but I’d be far more pleased to receive a note like this than one Estate Agents send offering to sell for me as similar properties in the area are selling well.

Hollyhead · 11/04/2022 09:05

It’s completely normal for people to let others know that they’d be interested in their house if they were ever selling. I’d be flattered!

Kennykenkencat · 11/04/2022 09:05

I could have made a bonfire out of the number of requests to buy our last house. They have probably written to a few places they like the look of in the area.

You do have a choice, it isn’t a directive to sell the house.
If your dps are quite happy where they are then either a simple No we aren’t selling or screw the letter up and throw it in the bin
and forget about it.

I would say virtually every house in the country is on Rightmove or Zoopla or Houser or one of the many property websites

Liamgallaghersparka · 11/04/2022 09:06

@Nennypops - They are completely different scenarios. Putting a flyer through someone's door is a bit different to someone putting a note through asking to buy your house.

DrSbaitso · 11/04/2022 09:06

@BuanoKubiamVej

Yabu to feel so offended that the question was asked. There's no pressure from a single message. If it became a campaign of harassment that would be unreasonable but that's not happening. It's not wromg or offensive to ask a question to which the answer is no, so long as you accept the answer.

I disagree with pp saying to ignore it. They should reply
"We built this house ourselves and it is the only house we want to live in. We intend to live here until we die. It is likely that when we do die this house will remain as a family home for one of our grown children. All our family memories of the past 6 decades are here. It would take an offer of at least double market value for us to even consider the possibility of selling and even then might choose not to. You had better look elsewhere."

If you ignore it they will only ask again because they haven't had a reply and for all they know the idea might be an attractive one that is being considered.

Or you could just say "thank you for the offer but we are not interested in selling".
godmum56 · 11/04/2022 09:08

@MaudieandMe

We took holidays in areas we were considering moving to in order to do this and to identify places we liked and could afford. You get to see the areas at different times, suss out the shops and so on. The move never materialised but it was a good way of weeding out the no-go's

BritInUS1 · 11/04/2022 09:10

This is a non event - happens all the time, we get letters regularly

LoveSpringDaffs · 11/04/2022 09:10

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
I think it's just a bad combination tbh. Your parents, especially your Mum is feeling (understandably) very frail. The neighbours could/should have worded the note a LOT better & just said that they've always lived your parents home & IF they're ever thinking of selling they'd appreciate being able to make an offer before it goes to market.

Their note is a bit 'off' but I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it.

Can't your Dad just reply, thank you for the compliments about the house, but we don't have any plans to sell??

I understand you feeling sensitive, but there's really nothing to be upset by.

Dumblebum · 11/04/2022 09:10

Op as others have said this is totally notmal behaviour, it’s not personal in terms of your parents age or health. I’m in my early fifties and have had about three of these. It’s also unlikely it’s only your parents house that got it also. It’s really not a big deal. If they were planning on selling it would be potentially great. They aren’t. The potential buyer is not to know this., people sell at all ages of their lives.

godmum56 · 11/04/2022 09:11

@BuanoKubiamVej
Yabu to feel so offended that the question was asked. There's no pressure from a single message. If it became a campaign of harassment that would be unreasonable but that's not happening. It's not wromg or offensive to ask a question to which the answer is no, so long as you accept the answer.

I disagree with pp saying to ignore it. They should reply
"We built this house ourselves and it is the only house we want to live in. We intend to live here until we die. It is likely that when we do die this house will remain as a family home for one of our grown children. All our family memories of the past 6 decades are here. It would take an offer of at least double market value for us to even consider the possibility of selling and even then might choose not to. You had better look elsewhere."

If you ignore it they will only ask again because they haven't had a reply and for all they know the idea might be an attractive one that is being considered.

no they won't ask a again because that would be rude. As I said I have had several of these notes, have never replied and have never had any follow up.....and if they do come back then "No" is a complete sentence.

yellowsuninthesky · 11/04/2022 09:11

Yes we get this too, although in our case it's usually estate agents saying they've got a waiting list in our area, rather than individuals.

Those who've not heard of it, Phil and Kirstie do it on a regular basis on "Location".

Tigofigo · 11/04/2022 09:12

Gently, YABU - as others have said they just want to buy a house in the area and have sent the note on the offchance they're considering selling. But because of your DP's circumstances you're conflating things.

It's not uncommon where I live for people to go on Google Maps to see houses, usually to see how big the garden is (city location but there's the odd property with a massive garden that you've never know was there). Maybe that's how they know your DP's house is there.

It's also not uncommon for houses to sell before the EA has managed to put up a For Sale sign or list it on RightMove in many areas, so this note gets round that issue too.

We frequently get notes like this, and also often see people who are obviously potential buyers checking out the street and peering into properties trying to work out which ones they'd potentially like to buy should their note work! Can spot them a mile off now.

godmum56 · 11/04/2022 09:12

oh and pS "it would take an offer of xxx" could easily be construed as opening a bargaining process which is NOT what is wanted.

MRex · 11/04/2022 09:13

Well, I think you got the point now that you over-reacted to a simple polite note and have taken on.board that they like the house or the idea of a smaller house in exactly that area, that's all. Perhaps it's because you're a bit out of the way that you're unused to interaction with others. It is unlikely to be only your DP's house who got the note, my DP bought their current house by putting a note in every house on the road they wanted and turned out one chap wanted to sell due to being recently widowed. Despite living nearby, they didn't know him or anything of his circumstances and could as easily have paid for the house next door if that family had wanted to move instead. We're often being asked to sell by estate agents due to "disappointed local buyers" and had a note put in by one just a few months ago, we replied no thanks and wished them luck; I have always presumed those notes are going to any house our size in the immediate area.

Might be a good idea to see this as a wake-up that you're all a bit over-sensitive at the moment, which is common when one of the family are unwell, but should still be addressed. Macmillan have a talking service that might be helpful for you all.

DarkShade · 11/04/2022 09:14

My grandparents used to have people knock on their front door, ask to look around and give an offer there and then - even after the request to look around was refused! Not a particularly unique house, I think it used to be a technique lots at the time.

I can see why you feel protective and it's rude to say downsizing when it's quite likely someone's family home. But just chalk it up to slightly off wording and reassure DF it's normal.

Star81 · 11/04/2022 09:14

Quite common for me to get letters like this through my door, it’s generally the house they like and not the age / condition of the owners they look at. I think, understandably given your mothers illness, your taking it too personally.

My friend sent letters to a whole street she liked and it turned out one very elderly couple were desperate to move but didn’t want to have lots of strangers viewing in their home so had never put it on the market. A private sale was perfect for them so they were delighted by the letter.

MySecretHistory · 11/04/2022 09:14

Get them every week- not at all cheeky
Best was 2 A4 pages in fountain pen down to the name of their dog

My sister bought her house this way but now is not the time for sellers to do it- works great in a cold market.

godmum56 · 11/04/2022 09:14

[quote Liamgallaghersparka]@Nennypops - They are completely different scenarios. Putting a flyer through someone's door is a bit different to someone putting a note through asking to buy your house.[/quote]
no they aren't. people may well feel its worth writing several handwritten notes as its more polite and personal than flyers.