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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
OnoNotagain · 11/04/2022 08:18

No need to feel weird about his. Either bin the note and ignore, or reply politely saying :"Thank you but it's not for sale".

As for it being up to you and your DB to sell it after your DPs are gone, they may need to sell anyway before they go to fund care so that decision may be taken out of your hands.

dottiedodah · 11/04/2022 08:20

Probably desperate! It really is a sellers market. Just tell dad this and bin the note .they have most likely done it to a few others.its nothing personal.dad should be flattered that it's so desirable

Original poster
SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 08:23

To clarify - you can’t drive past the house. It’s on a steep and narrow lane which is a no through road. Two houses further down, no room to turn a car around. Not on ZOOPLA and neither are any houses nearby. Very tucked away, such that lots of people who’ve grown up in the town don’t know the lane exists. So probably that’s why it felt a bit like they are aware my DPs are elderly.

Yes, I am a little protective of my 80+ DPs. I live ten minutes walk from them and we’re close. Until just over ten years ago I lived 6000 miles away and it is a relief to be closer to them now.
As I said, I now realise it’s quite normal so sorry if people are offended that I thought it was cheeky.
Not sure that calling me paranoid is very kind though.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 11/04/2022 08:24

The sad thing is this couple probably put so much thought and angst into the note, to make sure they set out why they love the house or might want to move there, that they're genuine buyers and not some fly by night landlord who will ruin the house and everything

And they're being viewed horribly by OP.

And as for a previous poster talking about 'empathy', the OP asked if she was bein unreasonable, she is unreasonable and has a strange outlook on life. Her mother is ill but that doesnt mean that she has to walk around feeling paranoid. If she needs proper MH support to look at disordered thinking then she should make enquiries to get that support rather than taking offence about something so minor and every day.

RitaFires · 11/04/2022 08:25

I'm so sorry your mum is unwell. It's really understandable that you're feeling sensitive about your parents now. If my mum had received a note like this when she was being treated for cancer I would be suspicious about the timing and feel like the writer may be trying to take advantage.

The good news is no matter how pushy a letter they write, you can just throw it in the bin. These letters are really common and no cause for alarm. I hope your mum feels better soon.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 11/04/2022 08:25

They've probably done the same with the neighbours.
Take it as a compliment and hold on in case they need to sell!

DrSbaitso · 11/04/2022 08:27

And they're being viewed horribly by OP.

So what? They'll never know. They've made a business proposition and they'll be aware it's likely to be declined. It's not personal for anyone.

TabithaHazel · 11/04/2022 08:27

[quote DropYourSword]@TabithaHazel

I can't write it as eloquently as @DrSbaitso so instead I'll just repost what she said:
It's a channel for sorrow and worry about her mother's health. The askers have no idea about any of this so it's misdirected, but it's very understandable.[/quote]
Yes I get that and said as much in my last post. It's not healthy to channel feelings about one thing into another - but of course it's understandable and normal in such circumstances. The people who posted the note have unwittingly unleashed some difficult emotions for the OP, but they are not cheeky, vulture-like or entitled for posting the note as the OP alludes that they are.

Original poster
SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 08:28

@RitaFires

I'm so sorry your mum is unwell. It's really understandable that you're feeling sensitive about your parents now. If my mum had received a note like this when she was being treated for cancer I would be suspicious about the timing and feel like the writer may be trying to take advantage.

The good news is no matter how pushy a letter they write, you can just throw it in the bin. These letters are really common and no cause for alarm. I hope your mum feels better soon.

Thank you, that’s really kind.
OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 11/04/2022 08:28

The bit about avoiding Estate Agent fees would irritate me tbh, the house isn't up for sale and it's not for the potential buyers to dictate how a potential sale would go.

I can see that a handwritten card feels a bit too personal, it's not a mass produced letter that they've put through everyone's door.

Perhaps you could respond asking them not to contact your parents again?

DenholmElliot · 11/04/2022 08:29

For goodness sake it's perfectly normal.

Mellowyellow222 · 11/04/2022 08:30

Do you ever watch properly shows - people do this if they fall in love with a house.

It’s a compliment. If your parents aren’t thinking of selling just ignore.

Don’t take things so personally- it’s an exhausting way to live.

Someone would like to buy a house. End of story

MissM2912 · 11/04/2022 08:31

I honestly wish this is all I had to worry about!

FleurDeLizz · 11/04/2022 08:32

If they’ve lived in the area for a while they may have stumbled across the house before out on a walk or something. From their perspective there is no harm in asking and you don’t know how many similar notes they’ve put through the doors of other houses. I don’t think they’re deliberately targeting your parents but I can see why you would be worried

Nelliephant1 · 11/04/2022 08:32

I'm not sure what you think is cheeky. It's a very reasonable snd polite thing to do and for many people it would be a godsend not only financially but also being given the opportunity to sell the house to someone who would love it.

It's pretty normal to do this so just see it for what it is and if they don't want to move then don't do it. It's really no big deal.

AngelinaFibres · 11/04/2022 08:33

@DenholmElliot

For goodness sake it's perfectly normal.
I did the same, minus the comment about EA fees, and I have lived in the house I asked about for 16 years.
Octomore · 11/04/2022 08:33

@ChicCroissant

The bit about avoiding Estate Agent fees would irritate me tbh, the house isn't up for sale and it's not for the potential buyers to dictate how a potential sale would go.

I can see that a handwritten card feels a bit too personal, it's not a mass produced letter that they've put through everyone's door.

Perhaps you could respond asking them not to contact your parents again?

Since when is a polite request "dictating" to someone.

They are literally saying "if you were thinking of selling, we could come to an arrangement without having the hassle and expense of estate agents". That's it. It's not a demand, or ordering them to do anything they don't want to so.

TheTeenageYears · 11/04/2022 08:33

It's very common and not just recently. Some people are completely overwhelmed by the idea of having estate agents round, marketing their property, having viewings etc that they never move as a result even if they really want to or should. Having someone come to you directly expressing an interest is the perfect solution for many people. There has been many a post on MN asking for the correct wording to write a similar note. It's likely your DP's house wasn't the only one to receive such a note. I think your expression of their posh house in posh street is maybe clouding your judgement on how they are entitled in doing what they've done. Your DP's aren't being watched. If they have no interest in selling then discard. When the time comes for the house to be sold you might be very happy to receive such a note and avoid the estate agency fees - they are after all paid by the seller and not the buyer so in this case your DP's do stand the most to gain from what the person writing the note was expressing.

AngelinaFibres · 11/04/2022 08:33

If someone did the same to me I would consider seriously the opportunity to sell.

Chewbecca · 11/04/2022 08:34

The comment about the fees was trying to be reassuring that they are not aiming to rip you off.

I think YABU, it is a compliment to your parents & I would just tuck the note in a drawer and contemplate taking that route instead if an EA if ever the time comes they do want to sell.

DrSbaitso · 11/04/2022 08:35

@MissM2912

I honestly wish this is all I had to worry about!
Did you read all OP's posts?
FleeceNavidadfromtheSheep · 11/04/2022 08:38

YANBU to be feeling sensitive about the note.
Likely there is nothing untoward about it, but for your family the timing is 'off' and I think other posters should have empathy.

Weirdly my parents house has recently appeared on Zoopla with an estimated price. Like your parents', it has never been sold previously. So I am suspicious as to why and how it has been added.

Hollywolly1 · 11/04/2022 08:38

They only asked really and ,people do this all the time and the house would still be valued by an estate agent,they would just avoid them for the selling part and you still use solicitors etc so everything is above board obviously

Booboobibles · 11/04/2022 08:38

It depends if they think they’re going to get a better deal because your parents are older. At the moment properties are selling very very quickly and if it’s a really nice house it’s likely to sell above market value.

FleeceNavidadfromtheSheep · 11/04/2022 08:39

Have you checked Zoopla recently?
Does a property appear if someone submits a valuation request?

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