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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
1969angep · 12/04/2022 18:06

No Biggie. Estate agents do it all the time - just bin and ignore

evian76 · 12/04/2022 18:10

I would find it upsetting too - it’s just a house to them but it’s your family home so has meaning beyond their understanding. I have seen similar situations - it’s a gross sense of entitlement. I’d say, sure, you can have it for x million if not you can x off x

1forAll74 · 12/04/2022 18:10

It is just chancing their luck, and happens quite a lot I think, but they don't have a clue about your circumstances, and no point getting annoyed about this, or even critical. Some people have been lucky to buy a house in unusual circumstances like this.

TeddyPbrows · 12/04/2022 18:11

Not cheeky at all. Your parents could well have been looking for a level access at their age. If you don't ask, you don't get after all !!!!

cacboi · 12/04/2022 18:16

When I was pregnant, we lived in a one bed flat. One of the neighbours asked me if we planned to move when the baby had arrived, and said that if we wanted to sell, her niece would be interested in buying.
We had the flat valued, deducted what the estate agent fee would be, and sold to her a few months later.
It saved us a lot of hassle preparing the flat for viewings etc

Pinklemonade1 · 12/04/2022 18:20

It's a compliment that someone would want to buy the house and what they mean is, if you ever consider putting the house on the market, please give us first refusal. What's the issue?

dustyparadeground · 12/04/2022 18:20

Has happened to us a few times. We have been here 22 years and it is generally regarded as one of the "best roads" in the area, without it being at the very top end of the market. Personally I was quite flattered and yes if the deal could be done directly that would save on fees. So yes YABU but if it's not of interest stick it in a draw for 6 months then throw it out

sarah77Boo · 12/04/2022 18:23

I would totally be complimented by this. When we were buying our house we put in an offer which was accepted but our sale of our home we lived in then fell through. We popped a note though the to the seller of the new house asking if he would please bear with us and give us time to get back on track. He was amazing and really appreciated us being honest and because we expressed how much much we really wanted the house he kept his word to sell to us and couple of months later we moved in and he was kind enough to leave us some lovely bits around the home. People really appreciate the human contact and it's the old saying don't ask, don't get. They probably love your parents home from afar and thought it was worth taking a risk and asking whether they might think of them should they ever wish to sell. Id be chuffed, it obviously looks lovely due to their love & care

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 12/04/2022 18:23

I would do this if there were a house I really liked. If your DP are not interested in selling, just ignore! no need for stress

Wiscowoman87 · 12/04/2022 18:24

Please be more kind to OP. Her DP are elderly and she's got a lot of thinking, explaining, talking etc. to do over these next years with regard to DPs situation.

And if you haven't bought or sold a house in 60 years, things have changed. Offer OP helpful suggestions - don't judge and call her out.

TizerorFizz · 12/04/2022 18:24

OP. There’s probably a shortage of homes. When and if your parents want to move, you could end up doing the same. You are lucky if your parents can stay put until the end. I don’t think it’s cheeky. More desperate.

PUGMEISTER21 · 12/04/2022 18:24

If they want it that much then they will pay above market price for it. Get it valued by three agents take the highest evaluation add 15%. If it sells you are quids in, if they are not prepared to pay you have lost nothing.

Gilld69 · 12/04/2022 18:24

I'd take it as a compliment, but if he's not selling then that's the end of the story

celticprincess · 12/04/2022 18:27

My DM lives in a bungalow and in our area they're snapped up as soon as they go on sale as it's a town with an ageing population and not as many bungalows. One day she arrived home and the then neighbour's small child was playing at the bottom of her drive. The small child said 'my daddy says this will be our house one day'. The neighbour still lives next door, went to school with my DS and then then small child has now left school!! If anything ever happens to my DM the house will go to my sister and I to be sold or for me to buy her out of to live in (DS lives abroad). It won't be sold to that neighbour. But they've obviously discussed it in front of their children. Oh and the neighbour husband is a plumber and has been in the bungalow once to tend to an issue hence he got to see the inside.

But back to OP. If happens a lot.

Evan456 · 12/04/2022 18:27

What a nice compliment, can’t see a problem personally

HauntedPencil · 12/04/2022 18:35

I know this is quite common but I can understand it being a bit unsettling for someone's elderly parents- it's just taking a punt on the off chance someone is selling but if you were fairly elderly you might think god is someone looking at us thinking there's doddery they are getting shall we ask now etc

I don't think it's awfully cheeky though - we get loads of this type of stuff here and I'd just reassure them it's common now bin and ignore it

justlliloleme · 12/04/2022 18:36

So you’re offended that someone likes your parents house enough to ask them if they would consider selling to them? I’m not really seeing an issue, it’s a polite note that makes no assumptions about your parents situation. Please don’t read too much into it x

CambsAlways · 12/04/2022 18:38

I don’t think it’s odd or cheeky, we have had one, but not ready to sell yet it’s a compliment, nobody is forcing anyone , just bin if not interested

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 12/04/2022 18:39

This is really common. Particularly if the house Is in a desirable area. I know people who’ve bought houses this way

Nomores · 12/04/2022 18:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ScoobyGrew · 12/04/2022 18:41

It wouldn't even cross my mind to be affronted by this. It happens to me all the time.

Perhaps your parents house is not quite as brilliant as you think if this is your first time as this is a well known technique which has been used for years.

HubbaBubbaIsMyFavourite · 12/04/2022 18:42

An old school”friend” of mine, who only seems to remember my email when she needs something, lives in a similar area as my parents. Her family got in a bit of a spat with her current neighbours (something with building an extension that partially blocks her sun panels) and she is looking to move. She emailed me saying she really loves my parents house (back then-she used to visit often- and now) and to contact her if they want to sell….
IGNORE…

fussyhousewife · 12/04/2022 18:44

When I was trying to purchase I almost did the same - posted around different properties in the areas I was interested in. It was suggested by a friend who had successfully purchased using that method. We are not all crooks so please if your folk are not interested in selling just let the matter rest. Have you never had a note from an estate agent pointing out that a property was recently sold in your area and there are other customers waiting to purchase similar?

KarenandFour · 12/04/2022 18:44

Perfectly reasonable request. Just ignore if it’s of no interest. I’m actually selling my late fathers house due to a note through the door and it’s made the process a lot less stressful

AnnieSnap · 12/04/2022 18:45

Nothing wrong with asking!