Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

[SewingMum46]

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?

No. If they have targeted road theyd like to live in , (perfectly normal househunter behaviour) they might have posted a similar letter through every letterbox in your DP's road.

They will certainly have looked up the prices local houses sold for, so they have a good idea of the market value. That's what they are politely signalling. That info is freely available to all on Rightmove website , at the tap of a finger.

You seem very uninformed about perfectly normal practices in UK househunting , perhaps you either live abroad or have never bought or sold property here?

OP did acknowledge early this morning that she'd got this wrong. Maybe time to stop kicking her?

2bazookas We lived overseas for many years. My parents have only ever owned the house they live in - which they designed and built themselves. No, we haven’t bought or sold property here, so maybe that’s why the approach is unusual to us. It wasn’t so much the fact that a note was sent, but more the way it was written - it came across as saying that DPs house would be more convenient for them, and it was a bit full-on. If they’d said “we like your house - if you ever wish to sell it we’d love to be considered” I think it would have come across better. But it went into details like the number of floors in their current house, how they’d like “less stairs”, how it would be better not to involve an estate agent, how “of course we’d pay you the market value” and that made it into something else.
Interestingly, I looked on ZOOPLA to see the value of the house they are in - it has the same number of bedrooms as DPs house, and the value is about the same as we think DPs house is worth, based on location, the size of the plot, and the size of the house - and similar houses in the town.

We live in a village where larger houses with big gardens don't come on the market very often. We had a very polite and beautifully worded letter from a couple asking if we were thinking of selling to please have a chat with them first. Tbh we were flattered and had a chat with them explaining that we have no intention of moving but we wish them well in their search.

Snippysocks That is lovely. I think the writer of the card DPs got went a little bit too far or they probably would have responded in a similar way to it.

Op I hope you are able to forget this and move on. Your reaction has been quite odd, and I hope you haven’t upset or unduly worried your parents.

You seem to have a lot of anxiety. Most people would have dismissed this letter. You really seem to reacted in a very strong way. It has triggered a lot of emotion that isn’t anything to do with a couple thinking they would like to buy a house.

Have you spoke. To anyone about your anxiety? I can only assume it is wrapped up on your fears around your parents aging. I know it is really difficult - but you honestly can’t live like this. All this intense emotions and out of proportion reactions. It is exhausting and you needn’t on give yourself a break.

Do think about charting to someone - to understand your reactions and talk though some coping mechanisms.

Good luck

Good grief. How patronising.

Yup, really not at all weird and as for 'no one knows about this lane/ no one drives down it'...

Googlemaps.

First thing I did when I wanted to move was look on googlemaps and see what sort of location would suit.

If they don't want to sell, don't sell, but don't read more into it than there is... as 17 pages should demonstrate, its very normal, they've probably approached a number of properties in this way, no ones watching your parents, theres nothing entitled, presumptuous or grabby about it.

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?

No, of course not. I just paid £25k to an estate agent and would have loved to sell directly and save this. I've also put over fifty notes like this in peoples doors in the streets I want to buy in. I'm not watching them, I just want to catch them if they are planning on moving. They save estate agent fees and I can get in early on where I want to live. There is nothing on the market at the moment and this is a smart move.

@SewingMum46

Snippysocks That is lovely. I think the writer of the card DPs got went a little bit too far or they probably would have responded in a similar way to it.

Ah, the letter wasn't written well enough, so that means OP still had a correct (wild over-)reaction.

OP - sometimes we just have to take it on the chin when we're wrong about something. Reframe what happened, accept our own response was lacking because of missing information and invalid assumptions, then move on. You'd be wise not to keep up the battle that your response was still valid, surely it will be more relaxing to just accept these are normal decent people who just fancied moving within the area; there's no need to continue to villainise them.

No need to continue to chastise, patronise, and villainise the OP, either.

I've had a few of that kind of note. I've got a big garden and stay very near the local primary school. They go in the bin because I'm not considering moving but I understand why people do it.

My friend did this & bought her current house privately. The vendors were planning on putting their house on the market in a few months time. The husband suffers from anxiety & was stressed at the idea of viewers coming. They could have got more via an EA but it saved them hassle so they were delighted to have interest

You're hugely over thinking things

I've seen plenty of examples of cheeky fuckery and this letter isn't one of them. People do this all the time.

I'm responding to what the OP said yesterday evening. It was a new post and got a new response accordingly.

Milkyaqua I forgot that the purpose of posting on AIBU was to be patronised and villainised 🤣

It is one thing to receive a note in the mailbox, saying you are looking for a house in the area and if the owner was thinking of selling to keep them in mind, perhaps including a few details about yourself/family to humanise it. Or to specifically target a dwelling and say, we have always admired your house/long to have a garden like yours and if you are ever thinking of selling...

But the OP, who was not aware such notes of interest were a thing, has had her elderly father receive a very detailed letter basically explaining how much this property would better suit these (entitled) randoms than their current home, and how beneficial it would be to bypass official channels. It sounds invasive, pushy, insensitive, and really not the usual sort of polite enquiry/hopeful letterboxing - particularly as the house is off the beaten track.

I don't think she's oversensitive, or paranoid, or overly anxious, to have felt spied upon, and her parents' age noted, etc. It's unpleasant to feel spied upon and have suggestions you should be pushed out as irrelevant to make way for someone else.

@SewingMum46
Even our very ordinary Victorian house gets these requests ( as do neighbours)
Don’t give it another thought.

“ Hi It’s Tolly and Milly, we are looking to buy a house in the area&c &c”

I think it’s not uncommon. People often spend time thinking about and planning a house sale before a sign actually goes up so by using the letter approach you may just get lucky! Years ago my parents had sold our house but hadn’t yet bought, they actually put an additional in the paper stating what they were looking for, area etc and ended up with their dream home!

Sounds perfectly polite to me. Worth an ask in the circumstances but only rude if they send another note in my opinion

I think you are upset because of the emotion you understandably have invested in the house, so YANBU for that. It's hard to contemplate, even obliquely, one's parents getting older and I think that is what this is all about really. The couple didn't do anything wrong and weren't cheeky, but they inadvertently touched a nerve.
I hope your Mum and Dad have many more happy years there. Lots of love to them and you.

I think the only weird here is the OP, who can’t seem to see why. lol

I sold my house this way. A lady put a note through the door. We swapped numbers and I ended up selling to her without an estate agent and saved £5000 in fees.

It's a really common way of searching for houses. You're overreacting. If they don't wanna sell it then what's the harm?

Awh I get where you’re coming from but you’re over thinking this, obviously you’re coming from an emotional point of view but I don’t think the people are doing it from a sinister place, they sound like they’ve always loved your parents house is is saying that they won’t try to rip your parents off and would pay full price.
I understand why you might take it a different way but try not to worry too much, your family are going through some upset and it’s not worth getting upset about.
I hope you’re ok and your dad isn’t too stressed out about this.

@ SewingMum46 how often do you know the buyer of your property? Hardly ever would be the stats!

It’s a great idea to ask around the neighbourhood to see if anyone wants to sell, I don’t get why your so upset and it’s very controlling of your dad not to give your mom a a say in the matter?