Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

[SewingMum46]

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

[quote Quartz2208]@SewingMum46 your reaction I think is normal for your circumstances. From your posts there is a sense that leaving would be something that would only happen under specific circumstances and this notes has come at a time where I think there is a growing realisation that those circumstances are not that far off.

The letter I imagine is a coincidence but the timing has come when it feels like it isnt.

but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.

I have recently been through this with my parents and their parents - and I think this isnt necessarily the best choice for anyone and I think you know this too.[/quote]
DF lost his sister recently - sadly for the last 18 months she had to be in a home as she had dementia. I wasn’t able to see her from February 2020 until after she’d died because of Covid restrictions . So we have very recent and raw experience of all the options, and we’re all determined that they’ll stay as long as possible in their own home.

We had one last week from a local estate agent that said they have had interest in our house from a customer so would we like to sell. That was a new one on me.

It’s a bit cheeky but it’s done a lot these days especially in sought after areas.

You’re taking this too personally and should just bin the card and forget about it.

But it’s doing you a favour re house prices etc, you have no idea if your parents might be thinking about down sizing or might have to think about care homes in future.

Over reaction on your part. It’s standard to put notes through doors when looking for a property in a specific area. They have probably put 20 notes through doors locally. They might get a couple of positive responses from this leading to a sale avoiding estate agents fees. It can be a win win for both seller and buyer, often with a seller who wants to sell but can’t be bothered with estate agent hassle. We have bought this way and also sold this way, both times very straight forward.

@Furmummy

I got a personal note through from someone who lived round the corner about 2 weeks after my mum died! I was furious and also very upset - I think it’s really rude x

That is so, incredibly grasping

They’ve made the note personal for more impact. But for all you know this could be one of many notes they posted in the area.

Why is it upsetting? Loads of people do this. If they're not intending to move they can just ignore it. We bought our house privately and it saved us money. Our property is quite unique and we've had people express interest in buying of us too. It's a compliment not something to get upset about.

We used to get estate agents' cards through the door regularly but not only that, we had more than than one neighbour/local person asking us (very politely) if we would give them first refusal on our house when or if we decided to sell.
We weren't offended.
(Although it never happened because when we did come to sell the people's circumstances had changed. 🙂)

My mum has had card through before asking if they were thinking of selling to contact them
No harm
If you don't want to sell just ignore

When we moved house to a new area, we spent months driving around all the little back roads to see where they went to and look at what sort of properties were built there.

Yep, we did this too - we explored every single street/lane in the village we wanted to move to, by car and on foot. We didn't post any notes, but we did end up buying in one of the nicest little cul-de-sacs in the village.

Buying a house is the biggest investment most people make, so it's natural to do plenty of research into the areas that you're considering. Checking out Google Earth, Streetview, looking at property sale histories etc. - all 100% normal.

I've seen this move done on Location, Location, Location... But I can understand the affront you feel, and there is also an unpleasant sense of your parents' lives being scrutinised and them being encouraged to shuffle out of the way of these hopefuls/chancers. I get put off enough by the cards estate agents leave me, suggesting I sell, that are not targeted to my literal house at all. It's unsettling, in some odd way.

Just send a polite reply.

I'm glad you love our house presently it suits our needs well. We will of course consider your offer if our situation changes and notify you before we put it on the market.

@araiwa

Seems an over reaction to a perfectly polite note. I'm not sure which aspect you find cheeky or entitled

I agree with the above. It is not a bad request, op, honestly. Moving house is difficult at all times, especially now, so it doesn't hurt to make a polite request; your parents can say, "No", and that will be the end of it.

@Zonder

We had one last week from a local estate agent that said they have had interest in our house from a customer so would we like to sell. That was a new one on me.

We used to get that in our last house. Usually, it was that someone had expressed interest in our specific street, as our direct neighbours got them too. The houses weren't particularly special, but there were only 7 houses in the street, it was a tucked away cul-de-sac with lots of privacy, and in the catchment of a good school.

Personally I'm OK with this. I live in a house on a street where I expect, once the garden has matured, wei'll get the same kind of approach.

We sold the last house privately, therefore missing out on estate agent's fees, to the son of an estate agent who had just valued it.

There's a house I've got my eye on that I might put a note through the door of in a few year's time.

Houses where I am do go privately fairly frequently.

But I can understand you have mixed feelings about this - but it is pretty common.

Oh my god! There is absolutely no need to reply.

My neighbours did this in reverse.

They were selling and put a note through the doors of all the neighbours saying they were going to list it on X date but I’d anyone was interested in an off-market sale, to let them know asap.

It’s a popular area and houses sell within a day and for over asking. There’s little hope of a young couple being able to buy if they grew up in the area.

I thought it was a nice thing to do.

If you think about it, estate agents send out similar all the time. I'm forever getting notes asking if I want to sell, people are interested, etc. It's nice to know your house is desirable!

Nobody is targeting your old/vulnerable parents - they are just interested in buying a house they’ve noticed on googlemaps or whatever. It’s not personal.

My ancient, frail grandmother gets these all the time. She puts them on her pin board and is proud of how many people would like to live in her house.

My folks did this in the 80's when looking to buy on a particular road in London. They popped a note in every house just explaining how much they love the area etc.
They ended up buying a property from a lovely lady who was actually ready to sell, and it's the house I grew up in and still have the fondest memories of.
I don't think it's that outrageous. They can choose to ignore it and take it as a compliment and a nice security that it's clearly a desirable property.

Absolutely normal. There's so little on the market at the moment that this is the way people who really want to move are trying to find places. I've had several of these notes, and just bin them without taking offence.

I can see how given your parents' health it might seem more intrusive, but I think that's just coincidence to be honest. I think these people will have put more through the doors of similar houses too.

Sorry to hear about your mum, I imagine everything feels raw at the moment so maybe that's why you are (I think) overreacting.

I voted YABU because I don't think putting a note through the door is wrong (though I wouldn't do it) because family houses have been selling so quickly in some areas that by the time the board goes up it's already gone. But all this personal stuff about wanting to downsize from a 4 storey house etc is just too much and a bit pushy IMO. Just bin the note and forget about it.

We repeatedly get notes like this from random people wanting to move into the area.

It's extremely rare a house vacates where we live, usually only if people die or move into retirement homes. Most of the people in our close bought in the 1970's, it's a good community and people don't leave.

So it's not really cheeky, it's just people trying their best to move where they want when there isn't much choice.

Just put it in the bin and don't give it another thought.

It’s symptomatic of the property market at the moment. A lot of people are desperate and many sales are going on behind closed doors avoiding estate agents, or agents are marketing properties to a waiting list of buyers so they never get to the open market.

It’s becoming more common for people to flyer drop in areas/streets they wish to move to, though quite unusual to have a specific house targeted.

I wouldn’t be upset, get your Dad to write a polite note back “thank you very much for the compliment, we are very happy in our home and it is our intention to remain here until the house is passed to our children. We wish you all the best for your ongoing property search” that will be the end of it.

I live in a semi-detached house and when my new neighbours moved in, they dropped a note through my door saying they would be v willing to buy my property off me if I was considering selling.

I was absolutely livid, wondered what the hell they thought about me - did they think I couldn't afford my mortgage!

Anyway 10 years on, we are still neighbours, get on fine and they are clearly coping with living in a semi- and not having the extra space of my house

And to be fair, if I had the money I'd have done exactly what they wanted to do and bought their house.

So I totally get where you are coming from, feeling sensitive and wondering about people's motives. But in reality people just do this, it's common and there are no particular emotions about targetting your elderly parents behind it.