Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

[SewingMum46]

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

There are a lot of elderly people in my road. The houses rarely come to the open market as when new people move in I guess the deal has been done - so clearly private sales are happening all the time.

As pps have pointed out, it is highly unlikely that the couple who wrote the note have been lurking across the road with binoculars trained on OP’s parents monitoring their every health problem…

Why would you be upset? I know plenty of people who have done this and we are thinking of doing it ourselves too. There isn't much on the market at the moment so it's another way of potentially finding a house not on the open market. Sometimes people are contemplating selling anyway and a card through the door and a sale without putting it on the market saves a lot of hassle, you don't have to have pictures of your house stuck on the Internet for weeks/months or lots of strangers trudging through your home. They aren't trying to steal their house and it isn't a case of "they look old and doddery let's go after their house", it's more "wow that's a lovely house, let's see if they are contemplating selling anytime soon". As they don't want to sell anytime soon you simply ignore the card, you don't need to think anymore of it.

YABU and very judgy OP by referring to them as posh / posh house etc. This is a very common practice and your reaction is way over the top. You say they live nearby therefore it’s not surprising they know about the house, especially if it’s got such a lovely garden. It’s probably a subject of local chat, in a nice way.

I’m sorry about your DM and can understand you being protective of your DPs. But it’s a reasonable thought that lots of elderly/infirm folk downsize. I really don’t think the “buyers” have done anything wrong. Would be totally different if they came to the house or kept hassling them with letters. A note through the door avoids any awkwardness of your DPs having to “refuse”.

I hope your DPs keep well - making a big issue of this is likely to stress them more than the request.

Plenty of people do this, nothing ventured and nothing gained and all that. As they don't want to sell either just ignore or tell them no.

I get a lot of these as my fairly standard house is in the catchment area for a very popular secondary school. I bin them without much thought.

People see ours on google earth (it is on Zoopla) but from the front it is like all the other houses on the road but in an aerial shot you can see the garden, which is the largest going out of town and double anyone else on the road-even the largest house.

Its location. House size and garden
They will rip it all out anyway so not bothered about interior

@BuanoKubiamVej

Yabu to feel so offended that the question was asked. There's no pressure from a single message. If it became a campaign of harassment that would be unreasonable but that's not happening. It's not wromg or offensive to ask a question to which the answer is no, so long as you accept the answer.

I disagree with pp saying to ignore it. They should reply
"We built this house ourselves and it is the only house we want to live in. We intend to live here until we die. It is likely that when we do die this house will remain as a family home for one of our grown children. All our family memories of the past 6 decades are here. It would take an offer of at least double market value for us to even consider the possibility of selling and even then might choose not to. You had better look elsewhere."

If you ignore it they will only ask again because they haven't had a reply and for all they know the idea might be an attractive one that is being considered.

That would be quite an unhinged thing for the OP’s parents to write - love your dramatic writing style though :)

@DarkShade

My grandparents used to have people knock on their front door, ask to look around and give an offer there and then - even after the request to look around was refused! Not a particularly unique house, I think it used to be a technique lots at the time.

I can see why you feel protective and it's rude to say downsizing when it's quite likely someone's family home. But just chalk it up to slightly off wording and reassure DF it's normal.

OP said they were talking about downsizing their own house, not that OP's parents ought to downsize. If the would-be buyers' house is much bigger then it's just factual and making it clear that they will have the funds.

OP acknowledged that she was mistaken two hours ago, people. No need to keep beating her up.

I got a personal note through from someone who lived round the corner about 2 weeks after my mum died! I was furious and also very upset - I think it’s really rude x

although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.

“Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”

I'm a solicitor and I would be slightly wary of this because the world is full of people trying to get bargains regarding housing by playing on people's frailty or vulnerability. It goes without saying that any sale of any house in these circumstances should be at market value, not a bonus someone would give you for avoiding estate agents. At its worst, this could be undue influence and I would advise your parents to tread warily even if they were considering this offer, and to get independent legal advice.

Of course what you are really doing by avoiding estate agents when selling a property is avoiding putting it on the open market, and that leaves a seller open to all sorts of potential under-valuation or money off for "necessary repairs", etc. Everyone knows that a surveyor commissioned to act for a buyer can be influenced into putting a lower value on a property by talking about supposed concerns in advance.

Perhaps if the note had mentioned an independent valuation the interested parties would have paid for, or a premium above market value, it might have come across better, or even an offer to pay your parents' legal fees so they could be independently represented. But the inference has to be that those people are somehow doing your parents a favour by paying market value.

Not that your parents want to sell anyway! But I think your concern is warranted and people should be very careful in situations like this. I would also not respond and not engage with them in any way. If they put another note through the door I would then reply asking them to stop contacting your parents.

I've got a house on the market myself which is proving slow to sell and the number of times I've been contacted by companies or an individual trying to get it for less than market value, along with all their persuasive arguments about how they would be "saving me money" and "helping me" are quite shocking. One even phoned me this week and started arguing with me and talking over me on the phone. And I'm not elderly.

Market value is what the open market will pay, not a closed, restricted market decided by one party. You and your parents are right to be sceptical. Healthy scepticism does no-one any harm.

godmum56 you would be surprised what people get pp for! Sometimes it is financially viable to tear down one house and build two or more. Developers are quite resourceful. Our friend's mum died and they sold her bungalow, which was then bulldozed and replaced by "executive homes".

It's sometimes difficult to know a proper value, especially if you've lived somewhere for years and years. Fortunately OP's parents have their daughter looking out for them, but I think a few elderly people would be naive about the true value of their house.

I see that the property is not on Zoopla, plenty aren't. We bought ours in 1985 and it isn't.

It’s fine, especially as a polite letter. If they’d hung around outside and actually asked in person, then that would have been intrusive, but a politely worded note is absolutely fine. If it bothers you, write back yourself and say something equally polite along the lines of “Thanks. No plans to sell at the moment, but I’ve made a note of your details and will be in touch if that changes - please don’t write to them again”.

But they haven’t done anything rude, or wrong, or even out of the ordinary.

@SewingMum46 your reaction I think is normal for your circumstances. From your posts there is a sense that leaving would be something that would only happen under specific circumstances and this notes has come at a time where I think there is a growing realisation that those circumstances are not that far off.

The letter I imagine is a coincidence but the timing has come when it feels like it isnt.

but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.

I have recently been through this with my parents and their parents - and I think this isnt necessarily the best choice for anyone and I think you know this too.

@SucculentChalice

although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.

“Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”

I'm a solicitor and I would be slightly wary of this because the world is full of people trying to get bargains regarding housing by playing on people's frailty or vulnerability. It goes without saying that any sale of any house in these circumstances should be at market value, not a bonus someone would give you for avoiding estate agents. At its worst, this could be undue influence and I would advise your parents to tread warily even if they were considering this offer, and to get independent legal advice.

Of course what you are really doing by avoiding estate agents when selling a property is avoiding putting it on the open market, and that leaves a seller open to all sorts of potential under-valuation or money off for "necessary repairs", etc. Everyone knows that a surveyor commissioned to act for a buyer can be influenced into putting a lower value on a property by talking about supposed concerns in advance.

Perhaps if the note had mentioned an independent valuation the interested parties would have paid for, or a premium above market value, it might have come across better, or even an offer to pay your parents' legal fees so they could be independently represented. But the inference has to be that those people are somehow doing your parents a favour by paying market value.

Not that your parents want to sell anyway! But I think your concern is warranted and people should be very careful in situations like this. I would also not respond and not engage with them in any way. If they put another note through the door I would then reply asking them to stop contacting your parents.

I've got a house on the market myself which is proving slow to sell and the number of times I've been contacted by companies or an individual trying to get it for less than market value, along with all their persuasive arguments about how they would be "saving me money" and "helping me" are quite shocking. One even phoned me this week and started arguing with me and talking over me on the phone. And I'm not elderly.

Market value is what the open market will pay, not a closed, restricted market decided by one party. You and your parents are right to be sceptical. Healthy scepticism does no-one any harm.

Thank you - really helpful to have an expert response. Plus the issue about market values - perceived vs actual.

And thank you for your empathy x

@Furmummy

I got a personal note through from someone who lived round the corner about 2 weeks after my mum died! I was furious and also very upset - I think it’s really rude x

Absolute vultures! Sorry for your loss.

You don’t ask, you don’t get. You can always say no.

I’d see it as a complement, say no and chuck it in the bin. Really no angst at all.

Presumably the full market value would be determined by estate agent valuations. You just wouldn’t sign up with any of them.

I agree. I think its extremely cheeky indeed. But there are folk who do this. I wouldn't sell to such a person.

We live in a nice street in a nice area and this happens from time to time as houses here don't come on the market very often. It really isn't worth getting worked up about. You clearly just don't like the couple who put the note through the door

We have had personal letters in the last couple of years asking to sell and took them as being compliments. Mainly because we had our drive and front garden revamped to look modern and low maintenance.

People add the personal touch such as where they live now so that they get the message across that they are genuine and not an estate agent, not because they are entitled!

We get this a lot where we live. Only a couple of weeks ago, a man clad in Lycra (a mamil on a racing bike) called to DH, who was working in the garden, and asked if we had considered selling! We’re always flattered, I’ve never thought of taking offence if someone is polite 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd just ignore. At this point I'm not sure they are being particularly cheeky (and who's to say that they haven't said exactly the same thing to other homeowners).

If your parents don't want to sell then why tell them to hold on to tje letter??

I meant to add that I am in a neighbourhood group on FB for where I live and people often join to ask if there are any properties to rent or sell using a very similar tone to the letter your parents received. No one takes offence.

Many MNers are advised to do this and I think it’s probably one of them who have written!

It does sound a little bit cheeky but if you don’t ask you don’t get and they must love the house so much that they wanted to show their willingness.

I don’t think they should have put about estate agents fees but they are right and I think they thought that would encourage them to sell to them and not put it on the market.

Of course you have to be careful with any kind of scam.