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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask, if you acquired a sum of money (around £7,000 to £12,000,) on a lottery ticket win for example - would you keep it from your husband/partner?

125 replies

HulaTheHedgehog · 10/04/2022 20:47

Just that really. ^

I was having a conversation with a few people earlier today about this, and I just wondered what people would do.

So, if you acquired/won say, £7000 to £12,000, would you keep it from your husband/partner? Or would you tell him?

(This is assuming of course, that you're able to get the money/hide it from them.)

So YANBU = yes I would keep it from him ...

And YABU = no, I would NOT keep it from him...

Also, if you DID keep it from him, WHY would you keep it from him? What would your reasons be?

Thanks in advance for commenting/voting (if you do!)

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 10/04/2022 20:50

DH would be the first person I'd tell.

I think if you are hiding that kind of thing the relationship is completely doomed.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 10/04/2022 20:50

That would go into my ‘Running Away’ fund 😊
Our finances are completely separate, for good reason, and have been so for many years.

Xpologog · 10/04/2022 20:50

ExH who was an alcoholic—- def not tell him. I’d not have seen much of it.
Lovely H—- tell him of course, we’d have had fun and a laugh deciding how to spend it.

myyellowcar · 10/04/2022 20:52

It’d go into my own personal account and top up the ‘running away fund’.

I don’t know why I wouldn’t tell him, he wouldn’t try and control it or be bothered what I did. I’d just keep it in my backpocket.

Libertaire · 10/04/2022 20:52

No, of course I wouldn’t keep it from him. That’s a nice sum of money to win, but it’s hardly life-changing. In our case it would pay for a nice holiday.

ReadyToMoveIt · 10/04/2022 20:54

He’d be the first person I’d tell, so we could plan a holiday!

tulippa · 10/04/2022 20:54

Yes I'd tell DH. Don't know how I'd be able to spend that much without it being noticed.
If you feel want to keep it secret it's a sign there's something wrong with your relationship imo.
If I won a million on the lottery I wouldn't tell anyone apart from DH though.

Chocoqueen · 10/04/2022 20:55

I'd tell DH, but we each have our own savings so the money would be mine to do what I like with. Unless I'd brought the ticket using the joint account card, in which case I'd probably split it with him.

Sexnotgender · 10/04/2022 20:56

@Xpologog

ExH who was an alcoholic—- def not tell him. I’d not have seen much of it. Lovely H—- tell him of course, we’d have had fun and a laugh deciding how to spend it.
Exactly this. Though replace alcoholic with financially abusive.
Amdone123 · 10/04/2022 20:58

My dh would be the first person I would tell.
I couldn't keep it from him ; I tell him if I get 3 numbers !

mrsm43s · 10/04/2022 20:58

I'd tell him, but I'd put it in my personal savings rather than the joint savings.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 10/04/2022 20:59

Nope, I earn waaaay less than my husband and we keep separate finances. I'm often short of money towards the end of the month and I never have any money to treat myself whereas he can treat himself without even thinking.
I'd definitely keep it for me and the kids.

Isseywith3witchycats · 10/04/2022 21:02

i would not only tell my other half but i would share some of with him maybe give my three grown up children a grand each and go halves with what was left

rainbowandglitter · 10/04/2022 21:06

Of course I'd tell him. I tell him everything and share everything with him.

44PumpLane · 10/04/2022 21:06

I would tell my DH, we have separate bank accounts but it's all family money, so it would actually be very easy to hide but thankfully I don't need to.

I think if you need to hide it from your DH as an escape fund then you absolutely should and I would never judge a person for that.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 10/04/2022 21:08

@Cuppaand2biscuits

Nope, I earn waaaay less than my husband and we keep separate finances. I'm often short of money towards the end of the month and I never have any money to treat myself whereas he can treat himself without even thinking. I'd definitely keep it for me and the kids.

This is so sad 😞

Ghostlyglow · 10/04/2022 21:08

I would tell him but I would like not to! I don't get to keep anything to myself and sometimes I find it a bit suffocating.

Sceptre86 · 10/04/2022 21:08

He'd be the first person I told, maybe only person tbh. I'd book Disney World for all of us as we haven't been abroad since our children have been born.

RedskyThisNight · 10/04/2022 21:10

Yes, I'd tell him. And if I was in a relationship where I wouldn't, then I would hope I would use the money to separate.

ReadyToMoveIt · 10/04/2022 21:11

@Cuppaand2biscuits

Nope, I earn waaaay less than my husband and we keep separate finances. I'm often short of money towards the end of the month and I never have any money to treat myself whereas he can treat himself without even thinking. I'd definitely keep it for me and the kids.
I couldn’t live like that. Is he happy to see you struggling for cash while he treats himself?
Ponderingwindow · 10/04/2022 21:14

My parents had the kind of marriage where the money would have been hidden. My father was abusive and financially abusive. My mother hid all sorts of financial things just to keep the kids fed and in proper sized clothing.

I vowed never to be in that kind of relationship and worked very hard to make sure I am never trapped.

I would be very excited to tell DH about our windfall. We would decide together what to do with the money. It wouldn’t necessarily be on something for the family or split it equally. Sometimes someone has a bigger need or want and we balance those over time.

Teaberry · 10/04/2022 21:15

I'd tell DP immediately, knowing full well it'd get spent on a kitchen or similar that I couldn't give a crap about, but would make her incredibly happy. I'd be proud to tell her.

Trinacham · 10/04/2022 21:15

I would tell him. He wouldn't care/mind what I did with the money.

Blossomtoes · 10/04/2022 21:20

I’d tell mine and we’d decide where we were going on holiday.

Nc123 · 10/04/2022 21:20

Definitely I’d tell him. We’d spend it on our ongoing house refurb.

That said, even if we didn’t have a house refurb, we’d discuss and agree how to spend it.

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