AIBU to ask, if you acquired a sum of money (around £7,000 to £12,000,) on a lottery ticket win for example - would you keep it from your husband/partner?

[HulaTheHedgehog]

Just that really. ^

I was having a conversation with a few people earlier today about this, and I just wondered what people would do.

So, if you acquired/won say, £7000 to £12,000, would you keep it from your husband/partner? Or would you tell him?

(This is assuming of course, that you're able to get the money/hide it from them.)

So YANBU = yes I would keep it from him ...

And YABU = no, I would NOT keep it from him...

Also, if you DID keep it from him, WHY would you keep it from him? What would your reasons be?

Thanks in advance for commenting/voting (if you do!)

I can imagine I’d ring him full of excitement, then he’d be excited, then we’d have a superficial conversation about putting it away for DS, and then we’d probably spend it on a well deserved family summer holiday.
God I’d love for that to happen!!

I wouldn't want to be married to someone I either wanted to or felt the need to keep that a secret from. But then it would be life changing money for us so maybe that's the difference 🤷🏽‍♀️

I can’t imagine not telling - it goes against everything that our marriage is.

If I found out that he had hidden a windfall (or the true size of the windfall) then I would question whether I wanted to stay in the marriage.

@MajorCarolDanvers

DH would be the first person I'd tell.

I think if you are hiding that kind of thing the relationship is completely doomed.

this^^

DP lives with me in the house that I own, we don’t have shared finances, he just transfers me his share of the bills once a month (not the mortgage, I pay that myself as it’s my asset).

I would tell him, and I’d probably treat him or ask if there was one or two of his credit cards I could pay off for him (he’s paying off some debts, part of the reason I’m not taking more money off him towards the household, and I won’t agree to share any finances or get a joint account until he’s debt free). But the money would remain mine, but he’d most likely benefit if I spent some of it on home improvements or a holiday/days out for us.

@HulaTheHedgehog

Thanks for the responses!

A couple of women I spoke to today, said they would not tell him, because he would want to spend it. And even though they're quite comfortable at the moment, they would go downhill fast (financially) if they lost a wage. So they'd like to keep most of it for a safety net. They'd pay debts if they had them, but if not, just keep it for emergencies.

My cousin's DH has been pining for a motorbike for a year or so, and they really can't afford it, and would struggle with the upkeep (maintenance/fuel/tax/MOT etc,) on top of their car, and she said if HE got wind of an extra £10K or so, the first thing he would do is buy a motorbike. And then some golf clubs and a subscription to the local golf club for 3 years! He wouldn't think 'hey that money could be a financial buffer if we get into trouble.'

I don't think it necessarily shows a problem in your relationship if you kept it from him. Everyone keeps SOME kind of secret from their partner.. Also, it seems that the women more likely to keep quiet about it (from women I have spoken to,) are the ones who are not well off financially, and they are cautious about it being spent on unnecessary things... and they'd rather save it for emergencies. If people are quite wealthy (£100K income+ per year between them,) then £7,000 to £12,000 is a drop in the ocean.

Not sure what I would do. I feel like I would say I had won something, but if it was £12,000, say it was £5000. Then have some fun and treats with the £5000 whilst keeping the £7000. Not for me, but for a time when we really really need it.

Like with many men I know, DH would probably squander it, and put it towards a new car that we DON'T need. Or book a £4,000 cruise! I am more frugal and grounded and would keep it for emergencies. Around half of it anyway!

I am not sure about the 'splitting it' idea that as been mentioned. What if you won £12,000 and split it 50/50, (and had £6,000 each,) and he just squandered his £6,000 on fluff and crap, and you had YOUR £6,000 still intact? Would you share your £6,000 with him if he had spent HIS £6000,and he suddenly needed money for something? I mean REALLY??? No matter how much you love him/care about him. Would you share yours if he spent his half?

Be interesting to know how many really would share their own £6,000 in real life. (Once their partner squandered his.) And even if they did, if they would be deeply resentful.

This is extremely sad. So, subterfuge as opposed to conversation? You may not feel that indicates a problem in your relationship, but it’s certainly not a relationship that I’d want.

And, yes, I would tell DH. It’s not what I’d consider a lot of money, to be honest. But, regardless of the amount, we’d tell each other. We don’t go in for lying by omission.

I would stick it in joint bank account- all our money is joint
won- I would tell him
acquired- probably wouldn't mention it

Husband - yes

Partner - no

@ReadyToMoveIt, By the meaning small win, what i ment was its not millions. Its a small win compared to that.
£7,000-£12,000 is a nice sum of money. I would also take my family on holiday xX

Yes but we don’t even live together and he’s terrible with money
I would put it in my new kitchen and bathroom fund

@khansmambo what a really smug, judgemental, and unkind comment. Do you feel a bit better for saying all that? (And assuming YOUR relationship is perfect and sooo much better than mine?)

As I said, I would only keep (approx half) back for when WE needed it for an emergency, and we would both have some fun with the other half.

I think keeping half back is sensible. And yes, DH has been a bit of a squanderer with money in the past, and would get over excited and want to spend it all. So I would keep half back and not tell him about it. If that means I don't trust him financially100%, or if that means we have a FLAW in our relationship, then so be it.

People (including me) are simply putting opinions and views on what they would do in the situation asked in the OP. It's unnecessary and unkind to comment on and criticize peoples relationships, just because you would not do what they would do.

And I said, all relationships have 'flaws.' ALL of them.

Personal attacks on other peoples relationships are so nasty. I am sure yours is SO perfect.

@YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp

That would go into my ‘Running Away’ fund 😊 Our finances are completely separate, for good reason, and have been so for many years.

Hopefully he also has a very well concealed 'running away' fund, such a selfish attitude, you're either married or you're not. Have seperate accounts but to conceal large amounts from your partner is so dishonest, I think if a man won it the MN rules deem it to be 'family money'!

A huge part of the pleasure of winning would be sharing the news with DH and discussing plans to spend it. Some more sensible than others!

DH would be the first and only person I'd tell. And we'd plan what to do with it together.

@hookiewookie29

Been together 25 years. We even share socks. So DH would be the first person I'd tell, and we'd go out and get pissed together to celebrate. We have joint bank accounts, life insurance, house insurance, car insurance.....we've been through shit the last 5 years and I could never imagine not telling him.

And that's probably why you've got to 25 years together!

@HulaTheHedgehog Saying that I wouldn’t want your relationship and that lies of omission have no place in mine is not an attack, it’s just factual. That you felt the need to respond with an essay of justification is interesting.

Of course I would tell DH. I can't imagine being in a relationship where we kept that kind of thing secret from each other.

He wouldn't tell me what to do with the money, but we would discuss it.

For those who wouldn't tell, would you be happy if you found out that your spouse had won that kind of money and kept it secret from you?

If I won £7-£12k id immediately tell my dh.

If i won a BIG amount Id keep it a secret until I had his new car
on the drive.

Bloody hell l got paid more than ever last month than since before dd was born but was bursting with excitement so as soon as dh got home l shoved my pay slip under his nose!! Still nowhere near what he earns! But 100% would tell him....so long as l got to choose where we go on holiday with it!!

[quote HulaTheHedgehog]@khansmambo what a really smug, judgemental, and unkind comment. Do you feel a bit better for saying all that? (And assuming YOUR relationship is perfect and sooo much better than mine?)

As I said, I would only keep (approx half) back for when WE needed it for an emergency, and we would both have some fun with the other half.

I think keeping half back is sensible. And yes, DH has been a bit of a squanderer with money in the past, and would get over excited and want to spend it all. So I would keep half back and not tell him about it. If that means I don't trust him financially100%, or if that means we have a FLAW in our relationship, then so be it.

People (including me) are simply putting opinions and views on what they would do in the situation asked in the OP. It's unnecessary and unkind to comment on and criticize peoples relationships, just because you would not do what they would do.

And I said, all relationships have 'flaws.' ALL of them.

Personal attacks on other peoples relationships are so nasty. I am sure yours is SO perfect. [/quote]
Bit of an overreaction, OP! Khans wasn’t attacking you personally.

Keeping half back is sensible. In my relationship I’d expect to say to DH “Ooh, I won £12K. I think we should save £6K and spend the other half - what do you think?”

I wouldn’t want a relationship where I had to hide the £6K in case I got badgered into spending it. I think that’s what Khan was saying too.

@AlexaShutUp

Of course I would tell DH. I can't imagine being in a relationship where we kept that kind of thing secret from each other.

He wouldn't tell me what to do with the money, but we would discuss it.

For those who wouldn't tell, would you be happy if you found out that your spouse had won that kind of money and kept it secret from you?

I wouldn't give a shit if he was saving it for US, as I said I would do.

Tricky. MyDH got a few grand from his mum’s will. He told me what he was going to do with it and I just told him it was a great idea. It was his money and I wasn’t going to disagree. My parents used to give me money annually and one year I decided to buy a horse with it. My DH wasn’t thrilled, but it was from my parents, for me, not really him, so I felt it was up to me to get what I wanted. I didn’t think of the long term implications which were massive, of course.

@NoSquirrels Yes. That poster WAS attacking me personally!

[quote HulaTheHedgehog]@NoSquirrels Yes. That poster WAS attacking me personally! [/quote]
Don’t think they were. You misinterpreted it.

@Cherrysoup

Tricky. MyDH got a few grand from his mum’s will. He told me what he was going to do with it and I just told him it was a great idea. It was his money and I wasn’t going to disagree. My parents used to give me money annually and one year I decided to buy a horse with it. My DH wasn’t thrilled, but it was from my parents, for me, not really him, so I felt it was up to me to get what I wanted. I didn’t think of the long term implications which were massive, of course.

Exactly. You do have to be sensible and consider your partner.