Really need some help re Dd and her dad’s girlfriend being aggressive towards her.

[Ostryga]

This has all come out this evening. Dd is 5 and we were watching a film together and she suddenly came out with her dad’s gf pulled her hair really hard.

I asked her what happened without any leading questions, she said she’d not turned a tap off and * had been annoyed and pulled her hair.

She then said about another time daddy had gone to change her baby sister’s nappy while Dd was eating dinner, and dd started crying because daddy wasn’t there. His gf asked her why she was crying and then slapped her in the head.

Now I know 5 year olds can be buggers for telling tales, but I know my daughter and the way she told me makes me believe it’s true. The fact she told me that daddy wasn’t there when is rude or nasty to her made my hair stand on end.

I’ve given her a big cuddle and said I’ll sort it out. Not made it into a big thing at all, but said I’ll always be able to fix things and thank you for telling me.

For context DD’s dad doesn’t work his gf is the breadwinner, we haven’t been together since Dd was a newborn and he’s got another 2yr old daughter with his gf. They’ve been together for 4 years. We usually get on well and have a decent co-parenting relationship, I’ve never met his gf though.

Where do I go from here? Dd was meant to be at his tomorrow - Thursday which I’m obviously cancelling, but I don’t know how to go about this properly without causing a gigantic drama but I still need to protect Dd. I have no idea what to do.

When my dd, at a similar age , was being bullied, she did all the things your dd is doing. It is painful reading of your little girl’s clingyness and now her relief, as I felt terrible that I hadn’t joined the dots more quickly.
My dd was also like a weight had been lifted, once we knew what had happened.
So glad you are getting support with this OP.

@SirVixofVixHall exactly how I feel. Now I look back it seems so obvious, but at the time I just thought it was another stage, or she was tired from school etc.

I hope your Dd is ok now

Hope things work out well for you both 💐

Yes I thought the same.
My dd is 17 now and she is fine but a recent spate of more bullying brought up some issues from that time when she was 5-6 that she remembers. Your dd will remember but she will also remember that telling you was the right thing to do and that you are there for her.

Good for you being so pragmatic OP, this must be horrible for you.

@AuntieStella I was abused by my mother and my father was well aware but didn’t do shit and blamed me. Why would she lie about it? Urgh people

Well done op! Hope DD is ok x

I did not say she must be lying,

Please read what I actually posted, and realise that I posted out if concern for excessive crying, which I think is an important and concerning sign in itself, and which needs careful consideration alongside the presenting issue.

And it's very basic professional standards to say that all possible options need to be considered when making an assessment.

@AuntieStella the crying is probably because she doesn’t want to be around her

My son was also abused by his SM but what hurt DS the most was that his dad did nothing to stop her even when the abuse was happening in front of his eyes. Once SS was involved his dad refused to have contact ever again.

I was devastated when his dad refused further contact but I am posting this just in case something similar happens to you: as much as society bleats about the importance of having both parents around, what they often forget to add is “when contact is positive, safe and in the best interests of the child in that PARTICULAR case”.

I have raised my son alone since he was your child’s age and just wanted to say that you can raise a happy, well rounded, confident child on your very own. Mine is an adult now, doing well and happy in a way he wouldn’t have been if he had continue to be abused and neglected at his dad’s every second weekend.

Best of luck, fight your DDs corner, and don’t doubt you are doing the right thing. I often wondered if I had done the right thing but as my counsellour friend once said… her appointment diary is full with adults whose parents didn’t listen. So well done for standing up for her.

[quote TonyBlairsLover]@AuntieStella the crying is probably because she doesn’t want to be around her[/quote]
Yes, that's why I included that in the possibilities I listed

@TheBigDilemma what a brilliant post - agree with every word of that, and well done you! 👏. Time the authorities listened.