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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else hate the thought of being centre of attention at a wedding?

113 replies

Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 20:01

Or did you go through with it and it wasn't as bad as you thought?
I'm a very shy person and I really don't like the thought of having all eyes on me all day, everyone commenting on my dress and how I look, having to talk to people all day long).

I'd love to get married but really don't like the thought of this, maybe I should just go to a registry office if my partner's happy with that?

Anyone else ?

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 10/04/2022 20:02

Yup. Couldn’t think of anything worse.

Well obviously there are lots of things that are worse but you know what I mean.

motherofawhirlwind · 10/04/2022 20:03

Yup, hence the world's longest engagement here :D

Original poster
Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 20:04

I even hate it when I'm speaking in a group and everyone is looking at me. I'm really shy, given up trying to do anything about it. Just accepted it's who I am.
I'm even shy about the thought of kissing in front of my family lol

OP posts:
PureBlackVoid · 10/04/2022 20:04

Yep I don’t even like the idea of a registry office tbh. If I could do it online I would

Original poster
Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 20:05

Haha, online would be great !

OP posts:
Daisychainsandglitter · 10/04/2022 20:05

I'm the same- we just went to a registry office. I wore a nice dress from Coast and we just invited our parents and had DD1 there who was 2. Had no desire to have all eyes on me wearing a wedding dress. Had a big party a few weeks afterwards which I was much more at ease with.

HulaHoop31 · 10/04/2022 20:06

I agree with you OP.

We took the opportunity to get married during covid with restrictions on guests Grin we just had our parents and DC at the registry office, it was perfect.

Original poster
Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 20:07

That sounds like a lovely day!
I dislike the thought of just having to be 'on' all day, a smile on my face all day (even though it'll be very happy )

Being watched during the 'first dance' (no thanks)

Having to sit and listen to speeches about me

Basically just being looked at lol

OP posts:
DoubleGauze · 10/04/2022 20:10

I had a very small wedding , as I felt uncomfortable having all eyes on me during what is a very intimate moment.

It wasn't the speaking that bothered me as such , I used to teach so am not fussed by that in general , but a wedding is very personal imho.

VeronicaBeccabunga · 10/04/2022 20:11

Yep. Had as quiet and low-key a register office wedding as I could get away with.
Decades later I'm due to be the mother-of-the-groom at a much bigger, fancier event and am already nervous about what to wear and sitting at the top table and all that malarkey.

HotDogKetchup · 10/04/2022 20:12

Not my thing. We had just us and two witnesses. Perfect for us.

Mamabananananana · 10/04/2022 20:12

Haha ME!
I was dreading it. Im not particularly shy but i was uncomfortable with everyone being there to see ME Shock
I had a small wedding to help me feel better
BUT once i was in that dress, i had to walk through and past people and i was waving like mad and smiling hahaha ! People were saying " oh you're beautiful " and me " ooh THANKs yes i AM!wheeeeee skips off to get married...." Grin

TolkiensFallow · 10/04/2022 20:13

Yep. We went very small scale. Wedding & private dining after. Very enjoyable.

erhsla14 · 10/04/2022 20:13

Yes, 100% so we had the longest engagement then got married during COVID with just 10 people, no "wedding".

FloBot7 · 10/04/2022 20:16

Yep. We eloped, just the two of us. Had a celebrant, photographer and pilot who were all very funny and made it a lovely relaxed day. We had a lot of laughs and it felt more like a fun adventure. There are some states in the US where you don't even need a celebrant. You can do it just by yourselves. That would have been my ultimate dream.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 10/04/2022 20:16

It's a funny thing...I'm an actor. I've regularly performed onstage in front of hundreds of people. But I remember being at a friend's wedding shortly after DH and I got engaged - the B&G both had massive families, so the church was completely packed. The bride walked in, and everyone turned and stared at her - and I thought: "oh god no. I'd wet myself and run away."

So after that we started planning for quite a small wedding! Grin

TheCanyon · 10/04/2022 20:19

We got married at the registry office with just my best friend and her dp. It was still horrendous. Would never do it again

Snowballtorch · 10/04/2022 20:21

Yes, I totally understand this. This is the reason why we took more than 20 years to get married and then eloped with just our children as witnesses. We didn't tell anyone until after we were married and many friends still don't even know now, more than a year later.

beattieedny · 10/04/2022 20:23

We had a tiny wedding (synagogue followed by a party at our home, which, trust me, was tiny!) My mother was furious at first as we are quite traditionally Jewish and I am the only daughter, but on the day she was delighted and admitted it was the best thing for us. Our marriage has been a very good one, happy children, and that is the important bit.

Phos · 10/04/2022 20:23

We feel exactly this way. The idea of loads of family and friends watching me all day long, including in a ceremony that I truly believe should be personal to the two people involved, absolutely horrifies me. I could possibly just about cope with parents only but even that concerns me a bit.

We are getting married in July. We're having a registry office ceremony in London with two witnesses (not people known to us) and going for drinks and a meal just us two. We are then having a symbolic ceremony abroad which allows us to involve our little girl in the event in some way (just having the one and doing it legally out there involves an awful lot of bureaucracy)

Lynnthesearesexnotgenderpeople · 10/04/2022 20:23

Yes, which is why I had a tiny wedding. I just wouldn't have been able to cope with being the centre of attention, worrying about things going wrong, people not being happy with this or that, making sure I spoke to everyone and just the stress of everything!

Annabell46 · 10/04/2022 20:24

Me too! Always hated the idea of a big wedding!
For most women its their dream.
I think I would just be so terrified I wouldn’t be able to go through with it
When I have watched royal weddings I have wondered how they can bare being watched by millions and I feel so anxious for them
You are not alone!

Phos · 10/04/2022 20:25

@HotDogKetchup

Did your parents mind? I'm hoping my mum doesn't. It really worries me :(

DogsAndGin · 10/04/2022 20:25

I had no guests for this very reason. There are some lovely registry offices - but there are other small venues too. Congratulations OP

cowskeepingmeupatnight · 10/04/2022 20:26

I felt the same and it didn’t go away. If your gut is telling you to go to a registry office, listen.