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Original poster

Anyone else hate the thought of being centre of attention at a wedding?

113 replies

Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 20:01

Or did you go through with it and it wasn't as bad as you thought?
I'm a very shy person and I really don't like the thought of having all eyes on me all day, everyone commenting on my dress and how I look, having to talk to people all day long).

I'd love to get married but really don't like the thought of this, maybe I should just go to a registry office if my partner's happy with that?

Anyone else ?

OP posts:
Perrymenopausal · 10/04/2022 21:01

Yes I was the same.

We got married in a registry office with close family only. Had the reception at a venue with the rest of family and friends.

Iamnotamermaid · 10/04/2022 21:01

Also hate the idea of been the centre of attention all day...so many expectations.

I have some friends who had the most minimalist, functional 'wedding' ever. They just turned up at the registry office in jeans & T/shirt, signed the documents & just carried on with their day. Email went out to confirm it happened. Rings were exchanged- they did manage that.Grin

Another couple opted for a cruise ship wedding- just the two of them. WhatsApp message, with photo, to confirm the deed was done.

Libertaire · 10/04/2022 21:02

Yes, absolutely. There was no way we were ever going to have a big, fancy wedding. The thought of being expected to do a ‘first dance’ would be enough to give me sleepless nights. Not for me, thank you.

Chocolatetwirl · 10/04/2022 21:18

We had a tiny wedding. The thought of a big one was absolutely not us. Coming down the aisle I just focused on DH and didn't even see the guests, didn't look back during the ceremony etc. Had bare minimum group/posed photos.

We did have lots of photos just us though - all candid, documentary style. I absolutely hate photos but I'm so glad we had a photographer because she captured our feelings perfectly. The day goes so fast I'm glad we have the photos to remember. Definitely consider having one. Photographer was absolutely amazing at putting us at ease and we had so much fun with her. I probably had a better time with just her and DH than I would have done doing my bridely duties hosting guests. We just spent the time together talking, laughing, dancing and the photographer captured it all. It felt like real quality time together that I hear so many brides saying they don't get.

Our venue was also amazing at making time and space for us to catch a few minutes on our own. We'd mentioned how important that was to us beforehand and they really looked after us.

It's the most special day of your life. You should do whatever makes you happy and that you feel comfortable with so that you can enjoy every minute without worry.

MermaidSwimming · 10/04/2022 21:21

We went abroad with just parents as I hated the idea of everyone watching me walk down an aisle, dance or anything else wedding related! We had a nice holiday with a quick wedding in the middle

LifesABotch · 10/04/2022 21:24

Can totally relate! Never understood why so many people want to be centre of attention, after the age of about 6! Confused

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 10/04/2022 21:24

Yep, really didn't want it so we went to Vegas, just me and DH. Loved every second and don't regret a thing.

RaininSummer · 10/04/2022 21:26

Yes. It's about 50 percent of the reason I have never married.

Dailyfailcanfeckoff · 10/04/2022 21:26

Same- registry office wedding and a family and close friends party afterwards.
We ditched all the traditional rituals you are supposed to do- neither of us have ever regretted it. Happily married 20years later.
Do what suits you and ignore the wedding fetishisation and consumerism.

JunhaLamra · 10/04/2022 21:34

We had parents, siblings and a couple of groups of friends so about 30 people in total. No aunts, no uncles, no second cousins once removed. Best day ever, got round everyone to chat to, had both my parents walk my down the aisle and zoned everyone out just concentrated on Dh waiting for me at the altar.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 10/04/2022 21:34

I felt like this and I’m still a teensy bit resentful that I went through with it - not exactly resentful towards dh but because I didn’t recognise that my feelings were valid and take my needs seriously. I tried to keep the guest list intimate but it kept growing and growing.

It was ok in the end. I got through it. And the fact that I was marrying my lovely and incomparable dh made me very happy so I didn’t mind the rest as much as I thought I would. But I’m saying that my blood runs cold at the idea of doing it ever again.

Forevergold2838 · 10/04/2022 21:36

HalfShrunkMoreToGo good for you, I wish I'd been brave enough to do something like that instead of caving into what's expected of us/family pressure.

isitbedyet · 10/04/2022 21:37

Most awkward thing ever hit best day of my life

Did a low key registry office then a party- I didn't want the fuss or attention so no dance or speeches etc. Just had a great time. Only moment I wanted to be swallowed was when we walked into the room an everyone stood up but I wish I could do it all again

AuntieMarys · 10/04/2022 21:37

Yes! We went to New York to get married....nobody there except us.

Forevergold2838 · 10/04/2022 21:38

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald how do you feel when you think about your wedding day? I dont really like thinking about ours, even though I did enjoy it it makes me feel a bit anxious/cringey, it's like all the negative emotions come back but not the positive ones. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, I wish I'd done it my way.

PermanentlyTired03 · 10/04/2022 21:46

We had about 80 at our wedding. Walking down the aisle was the only bit I felt like all eyes were on me really. Refused a first dance as although I love a boogie I don't want everyone watching me doing a school disco style slow dance! Once people have a drink and get chatting you aren't as focussed on as you might think.

AnnaMagnani · 10/04/2022 21:47

It didn't bother me but you can definitely make your wedding much less traditional so it isn't 'eyes on you'

Registry office or a hotel as venue
Don't wear a 'big dress' - buy something nice that you could plan to wear again
Very small guest list max 30, preferably less
Have a reception that you will actually enjoy - small sit down meal, barbecue, pub lunch, hog roast
Speeches - either none, or make it clear that there is a 3 minute limit. Speeches are the worst bit of a wedding anyone, no-one will miss them.
If idea of first dance is horrific don't do it. Just call it a day after the meal and leave.

I did some of the above. Some of my guests actually thanked me for not having an evening do! Turns out some guests hate them too and just want to get on with their weekends.

lljkk · 10/04/2022 21:49

When I was small, My dad declared I would never be bride at big wedding because I couldn't handle being centre of attention. & I still hate that, true

But, I actually did have a big wedding. -110 guests. Because dad paid for it & I wanted a big reunion of my massive extended family. I laugh at ppl who want no kids weddings: kids were core part of atmosphere for me. It was last ever big gathering of cousins on my moms side, I'm super pleased about that.

Original poster
Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 21:50

School disco is definitely what springs to mind!
A meal in a pub sounds great

OP posts:
Minimamame · 10/04/2022 21:51

Yes!!! We went abroad (Sicily) and just asked our parents and my husband’s brother and his wife along. I’m an only child. It was amazing. I couldn’t cope with anything more than that!

Pugfostermum · 10/04/2022 21:52

I was worried about everyone looking at me, but I had a smallish wedding and focused on my guests.
I didn’t know most of DH’s guests as I’d never met his extended family.
It was fine in the end as you get caught up in the moment/day.
I didn’t do a first dance though - way too cringe! Cake was melting in the heat, so it was taken away to be cut up early in the evening, so no big thing of everyone watching that.

pangolina · 10/04/2022 21:53

Completely agree. We are still unmarried after 20 yrs together for precisely this reason.

Yayayaya20 · 10/04/2022 21:53

Yes this is why I has a minuscule wedding with only parents and siblings.

Kite22 · 10/04/2022 21:54

Never understood why so many people want to be centre of attention, after the age of about 6!

Bit of a leap from
'Wanting to share a really important and really happy day with family and close friends'
to
'wanting to be the centre of attention'

SushiShopSearch · 10/04/2022 21:59

Exactly why we eloped.

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