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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else hate the thought of being centre of attention at a wedding?

113 replies

Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 20:01

Or did you go through with it and it wasn't as bad as you thought?
I'm a very shy person and I really don't like the thought of having all eyes on me all day, everyone commenting on my dress and how I look, having to talk to people all day long).

I'd love to get married but really don't like the thought of this, maybe I should just go to a registry office if my partner's happy with that?

Anyone else ?

OP posts:
Forevergold2838 · 10/04/2022 20:29

I'm the same. I did have a traditional wedding (all the 'stuff' that's expected) and I did get caught up in the excitement of the day and actually relaxed and enjoyed it but I look back and just think I never want to do that again! God forbid but if I did end up on a second marriage I'd just elope or have a little register office and lunch in a nice hotel somewhere. It's your day and you should have what you want. I think most men are happy to just go with the flow and may well be relieved that they don't have to spend an absolute fortune. If you did have the money to spend I'd rather it go on an amazing honeymoon.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2022 20:29

No speeches, no first dance and get people pissed early on so they just have a party and forget you.

Gumbo · 10/04/2022 20:29

Yes, same here, the thought of a big wedding left me cold. We eloped, just invited the neighbours to be witnesses the night before. Zero regrets...

teleskopregel · 10/04/2022 20:30

I am an extrovert but I absolutely hated the thought of getting married in front of people and being the centre of attention. We did compromise with our families and instead of a registry office, we had an immediate family only wedding in a private garden. DH's dad was the celebrant. We also had a very low-key reception. No speeches, no MC, no dancing and no decor. Just really nice food at a really nice restaurant. I still would have preferred to it just have been my DH and I. If my mother had been a little more difficult, we would have eloped, I reckon. My sister did

DoodleBelle · 10/04/2022 20:31

I felt the same way and had a small afternoon only wedding with around 30-35 guests in a lovely little museum nearby. We had the service there followed by an afternoon tea with informal seating so no top table, longwinded speeches or dance floor with an awkward first dance. Perfect for us!

Snozzlemaid · 10/04/2022 20:31

@motherofawhirlwind

Yup, hence the world's longest engagement here :D
Same here. Been together 30 years. Hate the thought of being the centre of attention.
Createabitofuntruenews · 10/04/2022 20:32

I got married in1975,6 of us at the Registry Office,a meal later.Big party with all our friends the weekend after.It didn’t cost much either!

LaMagdalena · 10/04/2022 20:32

I feel the same, luckily I'm not in the position to be getting married any time soon (or ever) so I don't really have to worry about it 😅

Vsirbdo · 10/04/2022 20:33

I always thought that I’d feel like that but actually having a room full of people who are important to you and that love you and your DH meant it didn’t feel that way in the end

Original poster
Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 20:33

In the 4 weddings I've been to over the last 4 years, each of them has followed traditional down to a T.

It's just not for me, I'm not even bothered about having a professional photographer lol, I am just weird maybe.

Glad to see many others feel the same and I will have a look at registry offices

OP posts:
beattieedny · 10/04/2022 20:36

@Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown

In the 4 weddings I've been to over the last 4 years, each of them has followed traditional down to a T.

It's just not for me, I'm not even bothered about having a professional photographer lol, I am just weird maybe.

Glad to see many others feel the same and I will have a look at registry offices

We didn't have a photographer either. Wedding photos are awful. Naff things. Mum made a nice cake. Friend picked flowers from her garden.
Aposterhasnoname · 10/04/2022 20:37

That’s me. First wedding had immediate family only, second wedding went abroad and had two hotel staff as witnesses. Can’t think of anything worse than the whole “here comes the bride” thing.

Kite22 · 10/04/2022 20:41

Ultimately it is up to the couple getting married.
If you want to, the 2 of you can just find 2 strangers to be witnesses on the day (in theory, I don't know how realistic it is in practice), or you can go with just 2 witnesses.

This is an unpopular opinion on MN, every time this is asked, but do think carefully if you want to start married life having got married without inviting your nearest and dearest. If you have a good relationship with your parents, do you feel comfortable excluding them from your wedding ?
Remember you don't have to have a 'first dance', you don't have to have speeches, you don't have to have a professional photographer. You can arrange the day the pair of you want to have.

PeachesToday · 10/04/2022 20:41

Same. I plan to get married in the smallest registry office room & then go out of dinner. I might buy a new dress but that’s it.

I have zero interest in being a bride but I can’t wait to be OH’s wife.

FairyLightPups · 10/04/2022 20:42

Yes, I'm getting married next September and I'm dreading it, our guest list is 18 people which is already a huge compromise on DP's part as her family is massive, but it still feels like loads to me :(

Dancer47 · 10/04/2022 20:42

I felt like that. Booked a holiday abroad. Had a priest booked. We had two witnesses, who were strangers we had met the day before. Best day of my life.

Original poster
Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown · 10/04/2022 20:43

I'd like our families to be there definitely, i wouldn't want to exclude them. But maybe just them, I'd probably even make the cake myself as i like baking. Don't really have many close friends (less than 10) so that makes the guest list easier lol

OP posts:
afinethingindeed · 10/04/2022 20:43

Yep. We hated the idea so we got married abroad with a couple of strangers as our witnesses. No regrets here!

Animum2 · 10/04/2022 20:43

I'm not keen on being centre of attention and was a bit nervous about it before the wedding but once we were getting married it was fine, you just focus on yourself and partner

Choopi · 10/04/2022 20:46

@afinethingindeed

Yep. We hated the idea so we got married abroad with a couple of strangers as our witnesses. No regrets here!
Snap. It's our 10 year anniversary next month and we haven't regretted doing it that way ever. I think some people are wedding people and some people just aren't.
Blossomtoes · 10/04/2022 20:46

I didn’t even notice people looking at me when I walked down the aisle. All my attention was fixed on the man waiting for me. The reception was just a party with all the people we love. I honestly don’t understand the paranoia about being looked at.

NoDramas · 10/04/2022 20:48

We've been together over 25 years and haven't got married thus far.

Not wanting to be centre of attention is certainly among the reasons we haven't made it down the aisle yet!

BurglerBill · 10/04/2022 20:48

Yep! I felt like this, but DH is the opposite of me and so we ended up having around 100 people at ours. But it was ok in the end and I did enjoy it. Things that helped -

  • our ceremony started late in the day, maybe 3 or 4pm, and reception venue kicked us out at midnight, so it flew by!
  • we got married in the city we, and the majority of our guests lived in, rather than in a barn in the middle of nowhere etc., so it just felt like there was less pressure to 'put on a show' as people hadn't paid loads to travel and stay overnight
  • we booked a registry office and met people outside, together, and then walked into the room, together - so no big scary entrance
  • we didn't have a first dance - honestly can't think of anything more cringey
  • I had a massive bouquet, which I kind of hid behind!
  • took my mum dress shopping- she's brutally honest and I felt confident she would have told me if my dress looked awful!
queensonia · 10/04/2022 20:55

I felt the same way which I was quite surprised about. It only hit me when we went look at churches that I really didn’t want to walk down the aisle with everyone gawping at me. Had a low key register office wedding instead and a small lunch reception. Do what feels right for you.

DoubleGauze · 10/04/2022 20:57

Do please consider having a professional photographer @Neverafrownwithgoldenbrown , I hate posing for pictures , but we asked ours for candid shots so we've got some lovely ones of our day. It was definitely worth hiring him.