To have ruined DH's day

[macaronipenguinn]

Woke up in the night with a fever and headache. With paracetamol it was still only just under 38 so I asked DH if he could take DC to a birthday party, I would drop him off and return home with our other child, then pick him up.

Well, I have apparently massively inconvenienced him. Lots of chuntering about 'holding it all together' and 'I'm exhausted too, you know'.

This happens when I am ill. DH has only had to 'hold it all together' once in the last seven years, which is when I was literally incapacitated by vomiting for a day. A day. I got both DCs dressed this morning, I got up with them, did their teeth, made them breakfast. DH just has to sit at a kids party for a couple of hours, after which I will pick him up and bring him home.

I am nearly at breaking point with his selfishness and his absolute lack of empathy. I would literally be better off doing this all by myself, as I could just be ill, be a bit crap for a day or two but without anyone banging on and on at me about how much slack they've (not) been taking up.

I am dreading him coming back from this party and having to either pretend I feel ok or allow myself to feel a bit crap and rest on the sofa or bed. If I do the latter I will be given the pass agg treatment all day long. Sometimes it's just not worth it.

I have tested for covid, obviously, negative.

24 hours in a day.. what power you have OP.

It’s down to him if wants the 24 hours ruined, he could talk about the issue then move on like a grown up..

He is selfish and you've answered your own question.
It's difficult sometimes when you have kids and nothing is catastrophically wrong to call is quits and feel like you're justified in doing so. But honestly, this behaviour is enough. You do not need to put up with this nor should you.
You deserve better. Read him his marching orders, tell him his has 6 months to sort his crap out or you'll be voting with your feet. Make it totally clear and set out your expectations word for word, be explicit about your expectations, he can't ever say, "I didn't know, you didn't tell me"
Then in 6 months time, if there's no change, walk and live a happy life x

OP YANBU. He sounds horrible :(

Time to stop enabling him to walk all over you. It's not good role modelling, you have to think about what children are picking up from this, they don't live in an alternative bubble.
Pack his bags and hand them to him after changing the locks.

Fuck's sake OP. That is awful. He had a selfish day planned, which you 'ruined' by being ill and requiring him to get off his lazy ass.

If you don't end this now, it will end eventually, through your build-up of resentment. You could try fixing it, but he doesn't sound receptive; maybe couple's counselling. I don't know. But he is BANG out of order. He should be saying he'll take care of everything, you rest, and bring you tea etc.

When I was going through this with my (not so D) ex, my grandmother said the words that changed my life. "You can do badly right by yourself, dear girl." And I took them to heart, ditched the jackass, and found out that not only can I do badly right by myself, I can do well that way, too!

Omg op and he still got the better deal in all this.... sit at a kids party which u got dropped off 2 or do breakfast get kids dressed make sure there washed and teeth brushed. U did all the work any way 🙄

What a twat

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Good points here. Just push back; tell him to grow up and stop whining. Don't stroke his feelings at all. He certainly doesn't worry about yours.

Life is short.

Oh I was hoping it was an update she'd left him!

He sounds like a selfish, self-absorbed wanker of the highest order. What on earth makes him think he shouldn't be expected to parent his own kids ffs?!

Two can do passive aggressive, you know.

Go to bed after you retrieve him from the party.

Do nothing else for him all weekend amd for the foreseeable

No laundry.
No cooking.
No making lunch or ironing or any errands you normally run for him.

When he complains, tell him you are genuinely sorry he feels that way, and if you like you can invite him to reflect on the fact that selfishness has consequences.

Dagnabit....