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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ruined DH's day

139 replies

macaronipenguinn · 10/04/2022 12:52

Woke up in the night with a fever and headache. With paracetamol it was still only just under 38 so I asked DH if he could take DC to a birthday party, I would drop him off and return home with our other child, then pick him up.

Well, I have apparently massively inconvenienced him. Lots of chuntering about 'holding it all together' and 'I'm exhausted too, you know'.

This happens when I am ill. DH has only had to 'hold it all together' once in the last seven years, which is when I was literally incapacitated by vomiting for a day. A day. I got both DCs dressed this morning, I got up with them, did their teeth, made them breakfast. DH just has to sit at a kids party for a couple of hours, after which I will pick him up and bring him home.

I am nearly at breaking point with his selfishness and his absolute lack of empathy. I would literally be better off doing this all by myself, as I could just be ill, be a bit crap for a day or two but without anyone banging on and on at me about how much slack they've (not) been taking up.

I am dreading him coming back from this party and having to either pretend I feel ok or allow myself to feel a bit crap and rest on the sofa or bed. If I do the latter I will be given the pass agg treatment all day long. Sometimes it's just not worth it.

I have tested for covid, obviously, negative.

OP posts:
ilovepuppies2019 · 10/04/2022 13:41

@diddl

I must admit that I wouldn't be best pleased at having to spend part of Sunday at a kids party.

That said he'd be making arrangements to get there as I wouldn't be ferrying him about whilst unwell.

Understandable but it's a pretty inevitable part of having kids. I presume that the Op's DH knew this when he had kids. Or I assume that he planned for the OP to attend every party / game / event / parent-teacher conference / concert etc...... He should want to so something with his kids on the weekend. What does he add to your life and the kids life OP? Is he the sole worker in the house or do you work as well?
BrightonBunny · 10/04/2022 13:43

Seriously mate, you need to take to your bed and stay there.

And maybe re evaluate your relationship whilst you are there - it appears to be fairly one sided.

HulaTheHedgehog · 10/04/2022 13:45

@diddl

I must admit that I wouldn't be best pleased at having to spend part of Sunday at a kids party.

That said he'd be making arrangements to get there as I wouldn't be ferrying him about whilst unwell.

PMSL. Grin What a hilarious comments. You CLEARLY have no children.

Also, this man can't even DRIVE, as well as being a shit father, and a shit husband.

Bin him @macaronipenguinn You will be better off alone.

ImAvingOops · 10/04/2022 13:46

Why do you stay married to him?

cornflakedreams · 10/04/2022 13:47

@macaronipenguinn

He had a lovely day planned reading the paper and listening to cricket and podcasts and I've fucked it by making him actively parent one of his own kids.
So normally he is a waste of space who fails to parent his own children and treats his wife like his serving staff? What the fuck is the point of him?

You know you deserve a better life and a partner who behaves like a decent human being?

spotcheck · 10/04/2022 13:48

DO NOT PRETEND TO BE OK!!!

diddl · 10/04/2022 13:53

"PMSL. grin What a hilarious comments. You CLEARLY have no children."

Yes I have kids-well adults now.

Most of the parties that they went to were drop off & collect.

If there's other parents there to pass the time with it's no so bad but I don't see what's so hilarious about not wanting to be at a kid's party or not drive around when ill!

lunar1 · 10/04/2022 13:53

You have to understand that this isn't ok and it isn't normal. My DH works long hours in a demanding job, but he is an equal parent. He does his share and no matter how tired would always take responsibility if I'm unwell or just want a cup of tea in peace while he did a kids party!

You deserve better than this.

Parky04 · 10/04/2022 13:54

Assuming that he hasn't passed his driving test. So you are also driving him around! He sounds like a great catch!

comfortablyfrumpy · 10/04/2022 13:58

When you divorce his sorry arse, he will have to "hold it all together" EOW.

Sorry OP, he sounds completely selfish.

I hope you feel better soon.

SaintJavelin · 10/04/2022 14:00

Unless he's disabled, why can't this pathetic man drive?

Gelasia · 10/04/2022 14:03

If there's other parents there to pass the time with it's no so bad but I don't see what's so hilarious about not wanting to be at a kid's party or not drive around when ill!

The DH isn't unwell, the OP is. The DH is just selfish. No-one has to be at the party while unwell if the DH pulls his weight.

I think the other poster's amusement is at the idea that you can avoid things that make you "not best pleased" once you're a parent.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2022 14:06

It will be a tragedy if you choose to waste one more day of your life with this arsehole.

ShouldBeWorking23 · 10/04/2022 14:08

We appear to be married to the same man. No advice, just sympathy. Mine needs his weekend to ‘decompress’ (we both work) and only does fun stuff with the kids that he enjoys too.

VioletLemon · 10/04/2022 14:15

I did exactly the same as you're describing and I put up with violent outbursts and psychological abuse for far too long. It started after a few months and got gradually worse after a v long time.

Please end it. You will never look back and your DC will have a happy Mother. You will feel like a weights been lifted off your shoulders, smile and mean it and sleep well.

Puffalicious · 10/04/2022 14:15

@GiantHaystacks2021

Absolute dickhead. Divorce.
No other words for it. Except, perhaps, prick.
NewandNotImproved · 10/04/2022 14:18

Your kids will be learning this misogynistic farce of a marriage is what they should aspire to. Can’t imagine any reason to not divorce the piece of shit and enjoy your life.

MerryMarigold · 10/04/2022 14:24

@macaronipenguinn

He had a lovely day planned reading the paper and listening to cricket and podcasts and I've fucked it by making him actively parent one of his own kids.
To be honest, OP, you've completely spoilt him if he could usually do this. You can't complain now. You should have put your foot down when your DC was a week old not get upset just because you're ill. I can't be bothered with women that complain their husbands don't parent when they've basically given them that option for years and years.
MerryMarigold · 10/04/2022 14:26

... Because of my dh constantly 'stepped up' to do everything, I'd probably let him too. Let's face it, we all want to do what we want to do.

RandomMess · 10/04/2022 14:26

He needs weekly practice at parenting his DC so you get equal leisure time

Angry
froufroufrou · 10/04/2022 14:28

How much of his time will be “ruined” when he has the DC for 50% of the time?
He’s in for a harsh awakening once you decide to out yourself first.

froufroufrou · 10/04/2022 14:28

*put, not out!

Thinking2041 · 10/04/2022 14:38

Feeling unloved and resentful took more energy out of me than just doing everything alone. It was hard being alone all the time but I felt proud of myself and that helped massively. It is easier alone than with a partner like that.

ChiselandBits · 10/04/2022 14:39

@froufroufrou nah, he'd self righteously complain about how the crazy ex has "taken" his kids and then set up an eow contact arrangement that drops off the radar cos he's busy, or entitled to a life, or he'll refuse to facilitate a hobby or activity so the OP will do it so the kids don't miss out. no-one can be forced to parent sadly, but at least the op could get on with it in peace.

TirednessButHappiness · 10/04/2022 14:42

Awful.

I’d be asking him if he isn’t completely embarrassed by his selfishness and lack of parenting.

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