Family relationship not what I thought

127 replies

ilovemyboyxx · 10/04/2022 03:31

So I live overseas in Canada. Me and hubby moved out here in 2019 just before the pandemic. Since being here we have had a baby boy in 2021. My family was going to visit me in 2020 but couldn't because of the pandemic so I took my DS on a 2 month trip to England to visit them last year.

My sister has a DD aged 2, and she relies heavily on my mum for childcare. To cut a long story short, I had a dreadful trip back to the UK as my family barely helped me with my son, resulting in being exhausted. To the point I snapped and broke down at my mum a few times saying I needed help. And nothing really changed, I got to the point I had to change my flights to return to Canada sooner to be with with hubby.

I'm now pregnant again and babe is due in Oct, none of my family have mentioned coming over. I'm really hurt by this. I have found whilst being overseas that all my friends seem to have such a positive and strong relationship with their mums, and I just feel like she is not the person I thought she was, and it hurts.

AIBU thinking my mum should visit me?

OP posts:

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 23/05/2022 20:21

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 10/04/2022 06:26

(this first bit is very blunt, forgive me, I don't mean to be harsh)
So you moved overseas and had a baby. Then you came home for two months with the baby. Did you actually tell your mum you couldn't manage the baby alone and needed her help before flying home?
And if you couldn't manage one child, why are you having another?
Is this actually about your sister still being near your mum and being closer? And homesickness. And lack of a support network in Canada.
Maybe your mum missed you terribly when you went, but didn't say so, and has always thought you were happy and have everything sorted in your new life abroad. Also, could she afford to come to see you?
If you want her to come, tell her! She's not a mind reader. Or call/face time her and have a heart to heart. Tell her how you felt and feel now, and see what she says.
This seems like a situation that could be very different from opposite sides of that makes sense, but could be sorted out (or at least made clearer) by a good long talk.

Sorry OP but I agree with this. I think you're being quite unfair.

You don't mention their situation at all, can they afford to visit? It sounds like they can't stay with you when the new baby comes?

TheMarmaladeYears · 24/05/2022 11:46

I would prepare for your life without their support op as you are far away and get obviously favour your sister*

I think this is unhelpful and ridiculous. As are most of the punitive comments that suggest the OP should expect so very little from her UK family because she had the brass neck to move thousands of miles away. At the same time, I think it is reasonable to recognise that the sort of everyday help that the OP's sister gets is made entirely possible by proximity. I also suspect there's an element of 'Prodigal Child' here where expectations weren't actually realised.

So I'd suggest calming the whole situation down and stop using words like 'Not the person I thought she was'. Poor woman is probably treading on eggshells after your dramatic exit and may well not know what to do for the best. Do be aware that dropping everything and hastening across to Canada is not something easily done at the drop of a hat though. Especially if you do have caring commitments here. It's nothing to do with favouring the UK based sister but everything to do with the need too make (and afford) making rather more complicated arrangements.

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