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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pils paying for meal out

169 replies

numananumana · 09/04/2022 03:33

So we invited pils to ours, they suggested we all go to our local pub for Sunday dinner. We explained we couldn't really afford it and offered to cook Sunday dinner at home. Pils offered to treat us which was lovely so we said yes. When we arrive at the pub fil says "right our treat, you just pay for the drinks" So we ended buying drinks for us, 2 dd's and ils, then when food is finished dd's want pudding mil helps then decide but then doesn't go to order it (you pay as you go at this pub) so I end up going up. All in we spent £40 Aibu to say if someone says my treat they mean the whole bill?

OP posts:
Ineedaduvetday · 09/04/2022 07:15

Tight?! They paid for 6 meals!

Pil said they'd treat op's family to a Sunday meal out. To me that means the whole bill. In this case they get to the restaurant and won't buy drinks and won't buy puddings. Much better if they had been clear and said they'd only pay for the main course.

OutingHobby · 09/04/2022 07:17

@Ineedaduvetday

I'd expect them to pay for the whole bill but they do sound tight. Clearly they felt it cheeky that your dd's wanted pudding so they stayed silent.

If you didn’t have the money, why buy drinks and puddings? Water for you and drinks for Pil, no puddings.

How on earth do they sound tight?! They paid for everyone else's meal!
OutingHobby · 09/04/2022 07:18

@Ineedaduvetday

Tight?! They paid for 6 meals!

Pil said they'd treat op's family to a Sunday meal out. To me that means the whole bill. In this case they get to the restaurant and won't buy drinks and won't buy puddings. Much better if they had been clear and said they'd only pay for the main course.

They were. When they got there. They could easily have sorted this out as soon as they got there. Right ok just a main meal no puddings and a jug of water for the table.
UsernameA1B2 · 09/04/2022 07:21

OutingHobby my treat means the whole bill, including drinks

Beachbabe1 · 09/04/2022 07:22

For everyone saying op shouldve bought tap water...op was put on the spot and was probably a bit shocked so just ordered. It would also feel embarrassing to say, we cant afford the drinks. I feel for you, feeling you had to spend money ear marked for other things. Some people dont understand being totally skint!

DropYourSword · 09/04/2022 07:23

@Ineedaduvetday

Tight?! They paid for 6 meals!

Pil said they'd treat op's family to a Sunday meal out. To me that means the whole bill. In this case they get to the restaurant and won't buy drinks and won't buy puddings. Much better if they had been clear and said they'd only pay for the main course.

And they bought a meal out.

OP needn't have had to spend a penny on drinks if she'd chosen water. She didn't need to buy desert.

I'd hazard a guess that if PIL were paying OP would have ordered exactly the same and lumped them with an extra £40 worth of cost!

OutingHobby · 09/04/2022 07:23

@UsernameA1B2

OutingHobby my treat means the whole bill, including drinks
Yes but they obviously got there and realised they too couldn't afford to buy drinks etc and pudding.
OutingHobby · 09/04/2022 07:25

@Beachbabe1

For everyone saying op shouldve bought tap water...op was put on the spot and was probably a bit shocked so just ordered. It would also feel embarrassing to say, we cant afford the drinks. I feel for you, feeling you had to spend money ear marked for other things. Some people dont understand being totally skint!
Oh I do! That's why I have learnt to just speak up and say no sorry I thought I'd explained we can't afford it. And OP didn't need to feel on the spot her DH, their son should have been able to speak up.
hattie43 · 09/04/2022 07:29

If I say treat my parents to meal out my DF pays for the first round of drinks and subsequent drinks are added to the table bill which I pay .

I'd find it very embarrassing if someone couldn't even afford a round of drinks tbh . If I knew this to be the case I'd make it very clear the whole bill was on me .

HELLITHURT · 09/04/2022 07:29

@Ineedaduvetday

I'd expect them to pay for the whole bill but they do sound tight. Clearly they felt it cheeky that your dd's wanted pudding so they stayed silent.

If you didn’t have the money, why buy drinks and puddings? Water for you and drinks for Pil, no puddings.

They didn't stay silent, they encouraged the children to pick a desert.
PheonixGlitterRepublic · 09/04/2022 07:30

This place is mad sometimes. Of course they should have paid for everything, they offered. Unless you specifically offered to cook them lunch with tap water and no dessert, ‘treating’ someone to a main alone is no treat. They should t have offered if they weren’t willing to pay the whole bill and they put you in an uncomfortable situation. It’s not like you ordered three courses of the most expensive items on the menu and cocktails, that would be abusing their generosity. Is everyone on this thread stingy in laws?!

Soontobe60 · 09/04/2022 07:30

I’d have said ‘We’ll get the first round in’ as a gesture anyway. After all, if you had cooked a Sunday lunch for them at home you would have spent a similar amount on food, drinks and the actual cost of cooking the meal. So in reality, you’re not actually £40 down are you?

PinkSyCo · 09/04/2022 07:33

Some people dont understand being totally skint!

I do and OP being able to spend £40 on drinks and puddings ain’t it!

rookiemere · 09/04/2022 07:34

If PILs didn't want to pay for the meal out - which definitely includes drinks- then they could have stayed at OPs and enjoyed a free meal.

I'm on the fence about desserts, they're usually expensive and factory made at these places and after seeing what " our treat" actually meant, I'd have been saying no to the DDs.

Original poster
numananumana · 09/04/2022 07:36

@PinkSyCo

Your in laws obviously didn’t think you were as hard up as you said you were, and they were probably right or you would have just ordered water for yourselves. You should have okayed it with them before you ordered puddings for your kids if you were expecting them to pay for it too.
They had 2 alcoholic drinks each we stuck to soft. Mil spoke about pudding to them.
OP posts:
Original poster
numananumana · 09/04/2022 07:39

@GiltEdges

Everyone interprets things differently 🤷🏼‍♀️ If they paid for the meal, barring the drinks and desserts, for all of you then they must have spent considerably more than £40 so in their eyes they were infact “treating you”. You also evidently had enough money in your account or you wouldn’t have bought the drinks and desserts without querying it. If you really couldn’t afford them, you should have refused at the time, no point grumbling about it now.
We have money we didn't want to spend it there as it was earmarked for food, bills etc.
OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 09/04/2022 07:40

We were in this position when we were first married. Comfortable pils offered to treat everyone for bil's Birthday. Pil knew we were down to our last bit of cash but we were awkwardly obliged to buy a round of drinks. I felt sick. Pil had been quite poor when they first married, but it was as though they had forgotten what it was like. Luckily I had a resourceful dh who always managed to find a bit of extra work for cash.
Weirdly, I would say that if someone offers to buy you a meal it doesn't necessarily include the extras such as dessert, and you are always expected to buy a round of drinks. The actual meal is probably the cheap bit!

Ponoka7 · 09/04/2022 07:42

Why didn't your DH speak up, if you felt that you couldn't? You're close family, you should be able to be honest.

@Soontobe60, chicken from Lidl, veg, milk and a desert from Iceland and you can feed five for about £10. That's what people who are short of money do for a treat. So the OP is £30 down.

TippledPink · 09/04/2022 07:42

@LaNozzeDiFigaro I kind of understand where your Dad was coming from though and might have done the same myself! If you really have no money, you wouldn't waste £2 in a fruit machine. Your Dad probably thought he was taking the piss trying to get a free meal.

DockOTheBay · 09/04/2022 07:43

@parrotonthesofa

Well in that case you should have bought them a drink and got yourselves tap water. And yes a pp suggested when they said they wanted dessert you say well granny and grandad are paying so you'll have to ask them.
Yeah if they said this at the beginning before you ordered, that was the opportunity to say no, or only order water, or tell them you could only afford soft drinks or whatever.
GiltEdges · 09/04/2022 07:44

We have money we didn't want to spend it there as it was earmarked for food, bills etc.

Im sorry but that’s ridiculous. If you needed the money for food and bills then you needed to grow a backbone and say no.

rookiemere · 09/04/2022 07:45

Oh well, I guess their next invite to stay will be lost in the post.
I'd be very reluctant to host them again and if I did, would never be going out for a meal with them again unless you did totally separate bills.

Original poster
numananumana · 09/04/2022 07:45

@Soontobe60

I’d have said ‘We’ll get the first round in’ as a gesture anyway. After all, if you had cooked a Sunday lunch for them at home you would have spent a similar amount on food, drinks and the actual cost of cooking the meal. So in reality, you’re not actually £40 down are you?
I shop at Aldi I could do a roast dinner for 6 for less than £10!
OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 09/04/2022 07:46

, I would say that if someone offers to buy you a meal it doesn't necessarily include the extras such as dessert,

Someone? Possibly, but a ok off GP out with their GC, then of course they buy a desert.

I'm not doing much better than my DD. When we go out with her two children we go halves. I get a set price carvery which comes with a drink and no desert (thanks to calorie counting). The children have a fancy layered chocolate ice-cream, it's money well spent seeing their reactions. They should have paid for desert.

Daisydoesnt · 09/04/2022 07:46

Well in that case you should have bought them a drink and got yourselves tap water. And yes a pp suggested when they said they wanted dessert you say well granny and grandad are paying so you'll have to ask them

Or they could have had ice cream when you got home.

If you bought the first round (when you could have just asked for a jug of tap water - absolutely nothing wrong with that) how did they manage to get another round out of you. Did you offer? Or had you left your card at the bar?