Ex’s girlfriend is obsessed with my toddler who she’s never met

[machinimiacrinj]

My DD is 2 and a half. My ex is a classic cocklodger and is manipulative. He has no job and doesn’t want to get one, and also has a drug and online paid porn habit. He plays the charmer and manipulates women by telling them all about his tragic childhood and trauma, and goes on about how he’s about to be homeless. He ends up then moving in with the women almost straight away. He goes for vulnerable women, I was vulnerable when he did it with me. He’s done it to a dozen women over the years, some before and some after me. After a while he moves onto another woman.

His relationship with me resulted in our daughter (I know, I know) and whilst I adore my daughter, my ex is the absolute bane of my existence. DD is his only child. He tells his girlfriends that I’m an evil narcissistic witch who doesn’t let him see DD. DD has been determined to be developmentally delayed in certain areas and he blames this on me. He doesn’t pay maintenance, I try to arrange contact and he doesn’t turn up. Yet he’ll lie to his girlfriend’s faces.

This tends to result in me receiving abuse from the girlfriends. Public Facebook posts accusing me of using DD as a weapon etc. The most recent one who has been on the scene since December actually dragged my ex along to a free consultation with a family law solicitor. It never went any further than that, no doubt because ex can’t be arsed. I was absolutely apoplectic but managed to act calm.

Ex last saw DD for an hour at Christmas. His girlfriend has never met DD. Today I’ve seen that she’s shared a post on Facebook about accepting and understanding special needs kids and she’s said “Love my special girls (insert her own autistic DD’s name) and (insert my DD’s name)”.

I’m fucking fuming and have told her so. Ex
is meant to be seeing DD soon, as ex’s mum (who I get on with) is having her for a night and ex is supposed to be popping round with his girlfriend. There’s a 50% chance he won’t turn up anyway but WIBU to now say it isn’t happening and that I’m not having Dd meeting this woman? Even if I did, in 6 months he’ll be with a different one.

[Mytoddlerisamazing]

I agree that's it's weird but I'm not sure that one Facebook post counts as obsessed.

[machinimiacrinj]

@Mytoddlerisamazing

She fell hook line and sinker for my ex’s BS and so booked a consultation at a family solicitor to get him access. The truth is I arrange access and he doesn’t turn up.

[machinimiacrinj]

And I know it was her that book it because she posted about the entire thing of Facebook

[WeDontShutUpAboutBruno]

She has been taken in, just as you were.

These men are very good at manipulation, so you can't really blame her for falling for it.

No point in telling her you're fuming at a facebook post, it's meaningless, but your reaction has played right into his version of you.

Just ignore, don't look at her FB. She will come to her senses soon enough.

[VelvetChairGirl]

why is she on your facebook, lock it up, friends only, and he shouldnt be a friend.

writen communication of visits via text or messenger etc, never talk to him via phone call. just matter of fact stuff in a written record.

and sod her, shes a right spoon and not your problem.

[Yousexybugger]

I understand why you are enraged by him, he sounds a weapons-grade tosser. But she has been sucked in, same as you were. I would try not to expend my energy feeling angry with her, as you say, it's not really personal- there have been dozens of women manipulated by him and she has only heard whatever he's said about you. She doesn't know anything first hand.

Could you start by blocking her (and him) on social media? If they do turn up, you say you get on with ex's mum. If she's a decent person she will surely keep an eye on things.

[MintJulia]

Ignore her, don't rise, don't let them know they got under your skin. If you let them know, they'll do it again.

She's been taken in and is living a naïve fantasy where she and bloke play happy families with their two daughters, in which she is the marvellous mother figure who holds them all together.

Just ignore her, she'll be gone in a few months. She's only interested in your daughter as a way of playing the part. And your ex isn't interested in playing happy families anyway. She's irrelevant. Don't react at all.

[SantaHat]

Why aren’t they all blocked on Facebook? Sorted.

[Tamworth123]

Why are they able to context you (his gfs), why are you looking at their ridiculous, attention seeking Facebook posts???

[DiamondBright]

My ex and his current partner are blocked on all social media. He's also a waste of oxygen, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of thinking I'm interested in his life.

[FrankLeeSpeaking]

Why are you able to see her facebook posts?
I'd just block them, simple. If he wants to contact you regarding your daughter, he can go through the proper channels.

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

I'd just ignore it and eye roll. You know he's a useless loser (predictive text wants to change that to lover!) She'll find out soon enough.

[MadinMarch]

Personally, I think you risk all sorts of difficult and upsetting scenarios in letting your daughter stay at his mothers unsupervised by you. If he does visit dd there, what's to stop him and his gf taking your dd out? Maybe not returning her, or/and saying all sorts of inappropriate things to dd?
You just don't know how damaging it could be for your daughter. I'd want to avoid any scenario where he has access to your dd that isn't supervised by you. I wouldn't even trust his mother not to be manipulated by him into allowing something not in your dd 's best interests.
Your dd is rapidly approaching an age where she will become much more aware, and also possibly much more confused, re her father and her situation. I think you need to think about a longer term plan and how you're going to deal with contact with the ex and all it's difficulties for the next 16 years. Contact that is safe, regular and reliable.
If you think he's erratic or not interested, then you may need to consider stopping the contact now with him, rather than allow her to get attached and then upset when he lets her down again and again.
Keep the relationship with his mother if that is stable, but let her visit you instead of the going to her house. Most of all, always think what's best for your dd, now and in the future-his wants and whims are irrelevant really in the situation you describe.

[ZeroCaffeine]

@SantaHat

Why aren’t they all blocked on Facebook? Sorted.

Indeed! Why are you concerning yourself with what his gf posts on Facebook? Block her & him, problem solved. But then you’d miss out on the drama I guess

[1forAll74]

You are dealing with stupid and nasty dumb people here. block stuff on social media, and just deal with the ex only when necessary.

[numananumana]

Full privacy on your socials. Leave her to it, and feel sorry for her.

[Keithlovessmash]

I know you say you get in with his mum and that’s fantastic for dd, but like another poster has said, I would be hesitant about her being there without you incase ex and his girlfriend do turn up.

Would she let them take your dd out? Would the new girlfriend then plaster your dds photos all over her social media playing happy families?

I’d be cautious on that one. I would let your dd have a lo y relationship with her grandmother, but I wouldn’t be allowing unsupervised access if ex was going to show up.

What does his mother think of the situation?

[Keithlovessmash]

*lovely relationship

[Seema1234]

You have little contact with your ex so you don't need to give head space to his GF. Stop looking at her FB page and be grateful your ex doesn't want to see your DD much because it makes your life easier. Just step away from the drama.

[Yeeq]

Block her on Facebook, you're feeding the drama they crave by arguing with her over it.
If you want be there in case the visit goes ahead, be polite but clear about why contact is missed if brought up, or granny can if she knows the situation and then move on, if she won't be around for long and he doesnt engage half the time, there's no point getting stressed about it and arguing with them, she's with him and she believes his bullshit clearly, you arguing with her is unlikely tk change that.

[ThinWomansBrain]

just hope she comes to her senses & sees through him before having a child with him?

[OutingHobby]

Get off her Facebook?

[RustyShackleford3]

Delete her from Facebook. Ignore any form of contact from her. Keep contact strictly between you and DD's dad.

Yes, she sounds weird and it's all very inappropriate, but since she has never even met your DD I really would just ignore it.

Don't stop your DD from going to her Grandmother's house if it's already been arranged. That makes it look like you really are trying to stop him from seeing his DD. Don't give him that kind of ammunition.

Carry on as you are and leave your ex and his strange girlfriend to their sad drama. Don't get involved.

[Kinneddar]

One random FB comment really doesn't count as obsessed. Why on earth were you even looking at her posts. Block them & move on

[CJsGoldfish]

Meh. Hardly obsessed.
She's you though, isn't she, however long ago you thought he was the ideal father for a child. Completely sucked in by him. 🤷‍♀️

The kind of game playing where you read her posts and withhold contact because she pissed you off doesn't become anyone. Stop reading and move on. YOU are your childs world, what they do hardly matters at this point.