My DD is 2 and a half. My ex is a classic cocklodger and is manipulative. He has no job and doesn’t want to get one, and also has a drug and online paid porn habit. He plays the charmer and manipulates women by telling them all about his tragic childhood and trauma, and goes on about how he’s about to be homeless. He ends up then moving in with the women almost straight away. He goes for vulnerable women, I was vulnerable when he did it with me. He’s done it to a dozen women over the years, some before and some after me. After a while he moves onto another woman.
His relationship with me resulted in our daughter (I know, I know) and whilst I adore my daughter, my ex is the absolute bane of my existence. DD is his only child. He tells his girlfriends that I’m an evil narcissistic witch who doesn’t let him see DD. DD has been determined to be developmentally delayed in certain areas and he blames this on me. He doesn’t pay maintenance, I try to arrange contact and he doesn’t turn up. Yet he’ll lie to his girlfriend’s faces.
This tends to result in me receiving abuse from the girlfriends. Public Facebook posts accusing me of using DD as a weapon etc. The most recent one who has been on the scene since December actually dragged my ex along to a free consultation with a family law solicitor. It never went any further than that, no doubt because ex can’t be arsed. I was absolutely apoplectic but managed to act calm.
Ex last saw DD for an hour at Christmas. His girlfriend has never met DD. Today I’ve seen that she’s shared a post on Facebook about accepting and understanding special needs kids and she’s said “Love my special girls (insert her own autistic DD’s name) and (insert my DD’s name)”.
I’m fucking fuming and have told her so. Ex
is meant to be seeing DD soon, as ex’s mum (who I get on with) is having her for a night and ex is supposed to be popping round with his girlfriend. There’s a 50% chance he won’t turn up anyway but WIBU to now say it isn’t happening and that I’m not having Dd meeting this woman? Even if I did, in 6 months he’ll be with a different one.
AIBU?
Ex’s girlfriend is obsessed with my toddler who she’s never met
machinimiacrinj · 08/04/2022 23:27
StaplesCorner · 05/09/2022 06:35
The OP stopped replying in April after page 1!
Patchbatch · 09/04/2022 08:18
She fell hook line and sinker for my ex’s BS
So did you, perhaps the issue isn't her, it's him.
MamaToADaughter · 05/09/2022 02:02
Am I the only one here that is in shock everyone is more bothered she’s viewed her social accounts? Wake up we’re in 2022. In this day and age you can see all sorts of info from someone’s social media pages. She’s never met this woman before and has the information she’s going to be meeting her child for the first time (if the dad bothers to show up). Short of not allowing her child to go to his grandmother’s, giving ammo to her ex’s lies and making out like she doesn’t want him to have contact, all she’s got is to find some info on this woman! Anyone would do the same. I personally wouldn’t allow the dads girlfriend to just see my child without me never having met my child, especially if the dad can’t even be ar*ed to spend actual time with the child other than when it fits his ‘I’m a good dad My ex is just stopping contact’ agenda. She’d be a stranger to me. But she is meeting him in this situation so it isn’t crazy that she’s on her socials trying to find any info she can.
OP I would stop contact with dad. If the last time he saw his child was for an hour 3 months ago and you’ve tried, and on top of that he doesn’t even contribute financially whilst he’s in your full time care AND he’s bringing random girlfriends to meet your child when he hasn’t even bothered to see him himself, more interested in spouting lies than having a relationship with DS. How is this relationship benefitting your son? He might as well be a stranger to him just like his girlfriend is and I can’t imagine your son to feel comfortable around him like he would an actual dad. If he wants to take you to court, fab. Tell the court he can have access to your child but if he’s wanting access he will GET access, meaning not just set times weekly he can come and collect the child & build a relationship with him, but he can contribute financially to his life too. He wouldn’t have a leg to stand on and doubt he’d go through with it anyway because it would cost him money and he doesn’t even want access. It’ll show him up to his girlfriend, give you peace of mind you’ve done everything you could and your son won’t be affected in the future by a let down waste of space sperm donor
Just ignore her. I know it feels horrible, but she's not actually doing any harm or having any effect on DD since DD doesn't know. My ex did this and the girlfriend was quite emotionally unstable and would constantly refer to DS1 as "My gawjus stepson" 
when they'd been together about three minutes, but honestly, just block her and don't give it a second's thought.
You also can't actually stop him from introducing your DD to whoever he likes. Don't worry - they get wise to this kind of thing very quickly. Apparently when I was little we were waiting to see my dad and I sighed to my mum and said "I wonder if he'll have another new girlfriend today?" And she had to fight the urge to laugh XD
And I would be extremely wary of anything that encourages him to go for court ordered contact. If you leave it sporadic, he will probably just fade out of LO's life. If you block and he takes you to court, you'll be at the mercy of the court order (and the court order does not force him to keep up his end, so it doesn't benefit you at all). If you can come up with a reason to, and want to, consider moving somewhere less convenient for him to drop in. It tends to reduce the contact even more.
iheartmybeachhut · 09/04/2022 09:00
@PinkSyCo
Determined to be developmentally delayed ? What does that even mean? All dc develop at their own rate unless they are nd, is that the situation here and you are blaming dd ?
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CJsGoldfish · 09/04/2022 05:51
Meh. Hardly obsessed.
She's you though, isn't she, however long ago you thought he was the ideal father for a child. Completely sucked in by him. 🤷♀️
The kind of game playing where you read her posts and withhold contact because she pissed you off doesn't become anyone. Stop reading and move on. YOU are your childs world, what they do hardly matters at this point.
MamaToADaughter · 05/09/2022 02:02
Am I the only one here that is in shock everyone is more bothered she’s viewed her social accounts? Wake up we’re in 2022. In this day and age you can see all sorts of info from someone’s social media pages. She’s never met this woman before and has the information she’s going to be meeting her child for the first time (if the dad bothers to show up). Short of not allowing her child to go to his grandmother’s, giving ammo to her ex’s lies and making out like she doesn’t want him to have contact, all she’s got is to find some info on this woman! Anyone would do the same. I personally wouldn’t allow the dads girlfriend to just see my child without me never having met my child, especially if the dad can’t even be ar*ed to spend actual time with the child other than when it fits his ‘I’m a good dad My ex is just stopping contact’ agenda. She’d be a stranger to me. But she is meeting him in this situation so it isn’t crazy that she’s on her socials trying to find any info she can.
OP I would stop contact with dad. If the last time he saw his child was for an hour 3 months ago and you’ve tried, and on top of that he doesn’t even contribute financially whilst he’s in your full time care AND he’s bringing random girlfriends to meet your child when he hasn’t even bothered to see him himself, more interested in spouting lies than having a relationship with DS. How is this relationship benefitting your son? He might as well be a stranger to him just like his girlfriend is and I can’t imagine your son to feel comfortable around him like he would an actual dad. If he wants to take you to court, fab. Tell the court he can have access to your child but if he’s wanting access he will GET access, meaning not just set times weekly he can come and collect the child & build a relationship with him, but he can contribute financially to his life too. He wouldn’t have a leg to stand on and doubt he’d go through with it anyway because it would cost him money and he doesn’t even want access. It’ll show him up to his girlfriend, give you peace of mind you’ve done everything you could and your son won’t be affected in the future by a let down waste of space sperm donor
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