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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My word should have been enough

341 replies

EthelsAuntie · 07/04/2022 09:37

A couple of weeks ago, I was admitted to hospital. I had severe abdominal pain, no appetite, being violently sick, couldnt even keep water down. I hadn't been to the toilet for a wee or a poo for at least 24hrs.
The dr wanted to send me for an x-ray of my tummy but wouldn't send me until I got a confirmed negative on a pregnancy test.
I repeatedly told them that I wasn't pregnant. I knew that I wasn't pregnant. However because I'm married they said they needed to do the test. This seriously held up proceedings. They had to put me on a drip. They probably would have done that anyway. But they had to wait for hours until I was able to go for a wee. Then they did a test on it and only then did they request the X-ray because lo behold I was not pregnant.
It turned out to be extremely serious and I needed emergency surgery that took 5 hours.
AIBU to have felt very strongly that they should have taken my word for it. Make me sign something to say that I wasn't pregnant. Fine. Don't just dismiss me because I'm of childbearing age.
I also wonder what would have happened had I been pregnant. Neither I nor a fetus would have survived what the actual problem was had it been left untreated.
It was an awful time and I have to say the constant asking and not taking my word for it did not help. I was feeling like shit. I am a strong, intelligent woman in my 40s but I felt I didn't have a voice to be listened to.

OP posts:
tintodeverano2 · 07/04/2022 20:42

I had to do a pregnancy test and I'm not married! They don't know my relationship status. It's more to do with your age.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 07/04/2022 20:48

Shocking! I hope they didn't add the cost of the pregnancy test onto your bill.

Cookiecrumble22 · 07/04/2022 20:48

[quote EthelsAuntie]@Cookiecrumble22 I just felt that actually my word should be enough. I realise now that apparently not because according to some people here, almost all women are liars, not to be trusted.. The fact they did take my word on not being allergic to things but were insistent on the pregnancy test seemed weird. The "since you are married" comment really annoyed me. Would they not have insisted on a pregnancy test if I had been single? That seems just as silly and not following their own procedures.
It just seemed a bit like "put the little wife in her place."
I did mention my hysterectomy straight away to the doctor, btw. I'm just very wary of putting too much identifying features on a public forum. [/quote]
I meant why did not mention your hysterectomy in your OP it seems an odd thing to leave out.

rollingmeadows · 08/04/2022 03:39

@EthelsAuntie
^^I just felt that actually my word should be enough. I realise now that apparently not because according to some people here, almost all women are liars, not to be trusted..

Now you’re being ridiculous by deliberately misconstruing what other posters have said.

Changeee1546789 · 08/04/2022 04:02

YABU - they would be sued to kingdom come otherwise. Signing a piece of paper still doesn’t tell them if you are pregnant or not.

fossilsmorefossils · 08/04/2022 04:45

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Thinking back to when I last worked in Obs/Gynae, if somebody has had a hysterectomy (with or without bilateral salpingooophrectomy), there's a good chance that it was performed transvaginally - which means there's no outward physical signs.

To get the physical main notes, as the A&E system runs independently, requires a lengthy process of request and bringing over/tracking even on a weekday in normal office hours. And then it's often the case that the surgical records are less than obvious or were orphaned at the time, so never made it onto the main file or are sitting on a set of duplicate/dummy notes where the original ones weren't found at the time or because the patient's details didn't quite match up so a separate set were made. If they're lucky, it was coded appropriately. And they aren't actually in a remote secure storage location ten miles away, rather than half a mile across site. If they'd only ever been at the one hospital and hadn't actually been somewhere else at the time.

If the GP is open, perhaps they'd be willing to say over the phone that they've got a discharge letter relating to a hysterectomy on their records. But there's massive issues with that in terms of GDPR.

So the time that would take is often significantly longer than giving fluids to be able to do a quick test.

Turning to pregnancy itself, women can be mistaken, not know, have been raped, stealthed/raped, blanked a traumatic experience out of their memory, drugged and raped, not want to accept it as possible, be terrified of somebody finding out they're sexually active, not be able to accept it's possible due to gender dysphoria, sterilisations can fail, need to keep a pregnancy secret, mistake it as menopause, still be bleeding regularly each month, be on long term contraception that has run out and they haven't realised - so many things that could result in somebody insisting they couldn't possibly be pregnant when they actually are.

As an aside, before terminations were as easily available, it was a known thing that gynaes would bring women in for D&Cs due to 'heavy/irregular periods' or sterilisations/hysterectomies and then 'notice' as they were performing it that they'd 'inadvertently' terminated a pregnancy that would have purely coincidentally been unwanted. Sadly there would have been others where an unknown pregnancy would have been wanted but the gynae carried on. Obviously, this is unacceptable legally and now there are procedures in place to prevent it.

In addition, medical staff have the right to abstain from taking acts that would terminate a pregnancy. They have the right to have the information to enable them to decide whether they perform a procedure, whether it is truly a case of the woman's life being at risk or whether they need to get somebody else to perform it.

There are also medical reasons where a pregnancy makes a huge difference to the likelihood of somebody surviving surgery. They need to know in advance whether there is a thumb sized womb located in the pelvic region or whether they're going to find a large organ with a strong blood supply in the way. Or an ectopic pregnancy. Because a surgeon specialising in bowel issues is not the best person to be dealing with a ruptured fallopian tube or a molar pregnancy.

It's not about assuming that one particular woman in pain, disorientated and clearly unwell is too stupid to be believed, but that people on the whole make mistakes/don't know everything, it's a very important piece of medical information that affects the diagnosis and care of any woman, it can have huge emotional, physical and legal consequences for both patient and medical staff if they get it wrong and it's still quicker and more reliable to do the test than it is to cross their fingers and hope this one is right.

If the OP truly had no urine whatsoever in her bladder (which is quite unusual, as normally the kidneys keep functioning and small amounts come in continually), the act of rehydrating also improved her health to cope with surgery, established that the kidneys were still working and enabled them to proceed with full knowledge that they weren't about to go into a medical situation complicated or caused by pregnancy. Had it been operate now this very instant or die now, they would have done so, but whilst she was very, very ill, she wasn't at that stage. So they had time to do this.

Although there are many reasons why a pregnancy test might be a good idea, women should have the right to refuse one and still get care.

After many failed IVF attempts and a very difficult journey fertility wise, doing a pregnancy test is traumatic for me. I should have the right to refuse this unnecessary procedure. It might not always be understandable from someone elses point of view, but it is MY body and I should have the RIGHT to refuse without health care being denied as a manipulative tactic.

WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 08/04/2022 07:07

It seems negligent that they didn’t do any due diligence and check your records to confirm your hysterectomy!! I can fully understand why you’re so cross bearing in mind the severity and urgency of the situation at the time.
I’m sorry you went through this but glad you’re ok. Get well soon.

bembridge11 · 08/04/2022 07:10

So sorry you have been ill, but a pregnancy test is mandatory before an abdominal xray. The dose of radiation can cause fetal anomalies. Sone women can be early pregnant and not even know. The test can be done in 1 minute or so - in the AE dept. So shouldnt have delayed things too much,

eatyourcrustspls · 08/04/2022 07:25

I went in 6 months pregnant with abdominal pain. Even saw baby on the mri scan. They still did a pregnancy test 😂 it was appendicitis. Thankfully baby was fine.

BoredZelda · 08/04/2022 14:43

If the woman dies because they're all "oh no a clump of cells" before anyone else can help? doesn't help the woman that they were looking for someone to take over.

The woman wouldn’t die because of that. A clinician can’t just walk away refusing treatment because of their beliefs, there are processes in place which ensure they pass the patient to someone who will provide the treatment.

Littlebittasunshine · 08/04/2022 17:43

I understand why you're feeling as you are. But they have to be 100% as they would get sued til no end if they didn't. I was once in a similar situation, said 100 x I wasn't pregnant. I had a coil, I'd been having horrible symptoms building up for a few weeks so I'd taken several pregnancy tests in the days prior just incase so i told them I definitely wasn't pregnant but they took their own test anyway and low and behold I was pregnant about 3 months and my fancy pregnancy tests hadn't worked and I was having the beginnings of a miscarriage. They're just doing their job the best they can x

danni92 · 08/04/2022 17:58

One time i had to have some examinations done that couldn't be performed if I was pregnant as would have been dangerous for fetus. Dr asked if I was pregnant, I didn't think I was as had been using protection so said no. Made me take a test anyway and lo and behold I was pregnant. So no, sorry but unleas you haven't had sex in months then your word isn't enough because you never know.

SweetPeaGirl · 08/04/2022 18:04

I don't think they can trust that you're not pregnant (except the hysterectomy part... that's conclusive!), because every A&E doctor will have several experiences of women swearing they couldn't possibly be pregnant then getting a positive test.

BUT I do think there should be provision for you to sign an 'against medical advice' type form to go ahead with care without taking a test.

Girlmumdogmumboymum · 08/04/2022 18:07

I can see your POV, and have been in similar situations, always exclaimed- I have had infertility for YEARS, I'm not pregnant.

I did the same last September, just as they were putting me out for an operation. They'd told me to do a pregnancy test before admission a few weeks before. They double checked just before I was put put, just double checking, you aren't pregnant.

I replied "hahah, fuck no!" And a few minutes later I was out for the count.

I found out 2 days later I was pregnant. Luckily there are v likely no consequences of that operation but I can now appreciate why they're so careful with checking. I've had a very high risk pregnancy, and there have been times I've wondered if it's possible that the issues we've faced might have been down to that earlier operation.

WTAFhappened123 · 08/04/2022 18:14

And how much did you pay for this service… You sound like a right misery! If you HAD been pregnant I’m sure you’d be the first to sue! Seriously love….Confused

Jojojojojowhat · 08/04/2022 18:20

Any women of childbearing age needs a pregnancy test if they’re coming in with abdominal pain, because it will change whether they’re cared for by the obs&gynae team or the surgical team. Normally knowing the date of your last period is enough for an x ray though?? Was your period late?

Mirw · 08/04/2022 18:23

You can sign a form that says you k ow the risks but are happy to take them, even if it does turn out that you are pregnant. I was asked a similar question and said I couldn't be pregnant as I was post menopausal even though I was only 36. I wasn't bieved until they delved into my medical notes! We are woman, what do we know!!!

Chandimum · 08/04/2022 18:25

Now this is really winding me up!!
For 2 reasons.
1,
That a woman's life would be put in danger because of forcing a test on her because they don't 'believe' her.
2,
Fuck a duck, I'm pretty sure they've asked millions of men whether they've taken recreational drugs in the lead up to the accident/injury/operation, which could also affect their treatment/anaesthesia.
But do they insist on doing drug tests on them because they don't 'believe' them?
Course they f don't!!
Sexism at its finest!

JessieLongleg · 08/04/2022 18:26

I went to a&e with unexplained pains knew I wasn't pregnant as was tracking my periods etc. Found out later they took a pregnancy test and in the end I found out private had a twisted pelvis. Now I'm pregnant I knew before I even took the test as period was late hips pains kicked off as 5 weeks and was already having morning sickness.

godmum56 · 08/04/2022 18:32

@SweetPeaGirl

I don't think they can trust that you're not pregnant (except the hysterectomy part... that's conclusive!), because every A&E doctor will have several experiences of women swearing they couldn't possibly be pregnant then getting a positive test.

BUT I do think there should be provision for you to sign an 'against medical advice' type form to go ahead with care without taking a test.

Read back. Unless its an ovario hyterectomy it's rare but not conclusive! As for the "against medical advice thing" its difficult...... people can choose to do things against medical advice but the having things done to/for you is not the same. Its different but similar but I used to arrange for equipment to be delivered and installed for people with disabilities. I was required to be responsible for ensuring that the equipment that I prescribed wa safe and appropriate. If someone wanted something different that would not be safe then I couldn't arrange for it and if I had done any incident would have been my responsibility regardless of what the client had signed. They could choose to get it themselves of course but I couldn't be involved without putting my professional qualification at risk.
Just10moreminutesplease · 08/04/2022 18:41

I think it depends. Not pregnant because you’re not sexually active? They should absolutely take your word for it.

Not pregnant because you use contraception? Definitely check, no contraceptive is 100% accurate.

Topazmumma · 08/04/2022 18:41

@SolasAnla

You strong, intelligent woman in your 40s engaged in acts of sexual reproduction.

The doctors are aware that no form of birth control is 100% effective.

If you are christian abstinence is no guarantees either🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm sorry, am I missing something here... abstinence is not a guarantee of not being pregnant? Hmm
Thoosa · 08/04/2022 18:42

I'm sorry, am I missing something here... abstinence is not a guarantee of not being pregnant? hmm

But only if you’re Christian. Grin

Tillyboo123 · 08/04/2022 18:43

I was admitted to hospital with collapse and severe abdo pain. I categorically stated I couldn't be pregnant as had been sterilised over a year before. They did a pregnancy test turns out it was a ruptured ectopic

Brennanlady1888 · 08/04/2022 18:46

I think they did the right thing they had to make absolutely certain you weren't pregnant. Its ot just a question of their not taking your word for it. Medics are damned either way damned for checking and damned if they didnt check. Glad you were treated and hope you make a speedy recovery