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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My word should have been enough

341 replies

EthelsAuntie · 07/04/2022 09:37

A couple of weeks ago, I was admitted to hospital. I had severe abdominal pain, no appetite, being violently sick, couldnt even keep water down. I hadn't been to the toilet for a wee or a poo for at least 24hrs.
The dr wanted to send me for an x-ray of my tummy but wouldn't send me until I got a confirmed negative on a pregnancy test.
I repeatedly told them that I wasn't pregnant. I knew that I wasn't pregnant. However because I'm married they said they needed to do the test. This seriously held up proceedings. They had to put me on a drip. They probably would have done that anyway. But they had to wait for hours until I was able to go for a wee. Then they did a test on it and only then did they request the X-ray because lo behold I was not pregnant.
It turned out to be extremely serious and I needed emergency surgery that took 5 hours.
AIBU to have felt very strongly that they should have taken my word for it. Make me sign something to say that I wasn't pregnant. Fine. Don't just dismiss me because I'm of childbearing age.
I also wonder what would have happened had I been pregnant. Neither I nor a fetus would have survived what the actual problem was had it been left untreated.
It was an awful time and I have to say the constant asking and not taking my word for it did not help. I was feeling like shit. I am a strong, intelligent woman in my 40s but I felt I didn't have a voice to be listened to.

OP posts:
Mumsnut · 07/04/2022 10:07

I went for my pre-op check-up absolutely adamant that I wasn't pregnant.

And left without the op ... Blush

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/04/2022 10:07

They have to check.

I can't tell you how many women insist they cannot possibly be pregnant, and then test positive. For some it is a genuine surprise, for others they may have known or suspected but for whatever reason they didn't want to acknowledge it. Also when a woman is unable to produce even a drop of urine to carry out a test, that in itself raises questions.

FatOaf · 07/04/2022 10:10

No, they 100% should have taken your word.

Mumsnet us full of people who think doctors should risk losing their jobs to avoid offending them.

If the doctor requested further investigations without performing a pregnancy test the requests would have been sent back, which would have delayed management further.

Ipadflowers · 07/04/2022 10:12

Surprised by these comments saying they should take a woman’s word for it and risk their life and that of a foetus.

There has been many documented cases of women swearing blind they could be not be pregnant, swearing they haven’t had sex due to mental health issues, drugs, drink, additional needs , even it can be they cheated and their husband is right there and sterile,,so many reasons ,,of course they need to test.

trevthecat · 07/04/2022 10:14

I think it depends why you are certain. If it is because your on the pill, they need to check
If you haven't had sex for 5 years, they should take your word

Longingforatikihut · 07/04/2022 10:16

It's a procedural requirement. They make me test and I've been abstinent for nearly a decade and even then it was same sex parnters. It's insulting to be insinuated that you're lying but as someone who also works in hospital labs, understand how many people are unaware they are pregnant.

orrrangessandlemons · 07/04/2022 10:17

I've never been tested for pregnancy before an X-ray, they just ask if they're any chance.

This is absolutely diabolical in an emergency situation. They should have done a fast track blood test if they really felt the need Shock

yorkshireteaspoonie · 07/04/2022 10:20

I've had this... going to theatre for a investigation/ procedure related to infertility FFS. I found it very distressing to be repeatedly questioned about it when I was there for the fact I couldn't actually get pregnant.

Hshuznw · 07/04/2022 10:20

I come from a religious family. I remember when I was admitted to A&E after passing out, I told the doctor there was no chance I could be pregnant. I didn’t want there to be any record anywhere that I had been sexually active in case my family came across it. Obviously there was a chance I could be pregnant as I was having sex, but I denied any possibility.

So people do lie to doctors. So they do need to check.

tittlertattler · 07/04/2022 10:21

Couldn't they have just done a blood test??

Ipadflowers · 07/04/2022 10:22

@trevthecat

I think it depends why you are certain. If it is because your on the pill, they need to check If you haven't had sex for 5 years, they should take your word
Why? Do you know she doesn’t have a low iq and could be confused? Do you know she doesn’t have mental health problems? That she doesn’t take drugs, didn’t have sex one night when drunk and forgot as she’s an alcoholic, that her partner doesn’t use the withdrawal method, that she’s not on contraception and doesn’t know she could be pregnant, that her partner didn’t ejaculate down there but didn’t penetrate, that she had sex with someone and is ashamed, that she wasn’t raped , too ashamed to admit it, and can’t accept she could be?

There are so so many reasons a woman could be adamant she’s not pregant and is.

Readeatcake · 07/04/2022 10:22

I had something similar when going for a laproscopy. Was unable to wee as had been nill by mouth for over 12 hours. No drip. The nurse spoke to the surgeons who were happy to continue as I was on the contraceptive implant (obviously not 100% effective but I think one of the closest forms you can get) and I signed to say I was aware of the risks to a pregnancy if there was one.

Whatsmyname100 · 07/04/2022 10:23

@Brefugee

I think they need to do their check, I’m sorry, sadly women saying they are absolutely not pregnant when they are is not uncommon and they would be negligent not to check.

how about believing women. Why don't they instead ask when the last time they had PIV sex was? or any other way of getting pregnant rather than assuming that all married women have sex?

Do they ask single women? to they guess how old you are or ask if you have had the menopause? The only really good question is: is there a chance at all that you could be pregnant? Then you sign consent forms.

You must be very naive to think that someone just won't lie. And all those women who never knew they were even pregnant after months and months? Off course they need to follow procedures.
Original poster
EthelsAuntie · 07/04/2022 10:24

Sorry, those who think that I am too thick to understand why they did it. I do understand the risks but it would have been my choice to go ahead. I am needed by my alive children. Fine make me sign a waiver to say that this was my decision but it should have been my decision.
I seriously could have died because of this wait.

OP posts:
Ipadflowers · 07/04/2022 10:26

@EthelsAuntie

Sorry, those who think that I am too thick to understand why they did it. I do understand the risks but it would have been my choice to go ahead. I am needed by my alive children. Fine make me sign a waiver to say that this was my decision but it should have been my decision. I seriously could have died because of this wait.
But you didn’t and clearly they didn’t think you were going to die because of it either, because they do act if they think it’s life threatening.
OneTC · 07/04/2022 10:27

I reckon waivers like that wouldn't work in the UK legally

You can't abrogate you're responsibilities with a signature

Ponoka7 · 07/04/2022 10:28

"They should have done a fast track blood test if they really felt the need"

I was going to say that, rather than cause a delay. I'm in my 50's, I can remember the guidelines coming in. It was in response to many women losing their babies after undergoing procedures. The most heartbreaking ones were the ones having treatments, because of gyne issues and the baby had to be aborted. Lots of medications aren't suitable for the first trimester. Complain about not being given a blood test but if it saves the lives of babies, taking a pregnancy test isn't a massive hardship.

Underfrighter · 07/04/2022 10:29

I agree with you OP

In most scenarios it is absolutely imperative to check. However in emergency scenarios the health of the mother has to come first above the health of a potential pregnancy. So if you were unconscious and rushed to emergency life saving surgery then they wouldn't check.

There is clearly a grey area between these two scenarios and they need to use common sense here rather than just a blanket rule. But something that is extremely serious and required emergency surgery shouldn't be put on hold for hours if it's likely to cause issues to the womans health in my view. All the people saying you would have been devastated if you had been pregnant and had lost the baby, this doesnt apply if you categorically know you're not pregnant, surely there has to be some personal responsibility here. And youd be more devastated at having life long issues because of a delay to essential surgery

mumwon · 07/04/2022 10:29

couldn't they have catharized you & got the sample that way rather than waiting?

SawnWood · 07/04/2022 10:30

I agree that even if you said you were a nun they would still do the test and rightly so, as people get it wrong and even the medication they give you is a huge impact. If you had been brought in dying and there was no time then of course they operate and prioritise saving the person in front of them in resus before knowing.
I think you had a terrible experience with something majorly scary and you were really ill and your brain is focusing on this as a way to vent, which is understandable but I disagree with the person who said make a complaint to PALs

WhoWants2Know · 07/04/2022 10:31

I was in A&E with similar symptoms last week and I just realised that's why they needed me to pee in a cup. I can't remember if it came before or after the X-Ray and pain relief, though.

SawnWood · 07/04/2022 10:31

@mumwon

couldn't they have catharized you & got the sample that way rather than waiting?
For a catheter to work you need fluid in the bladder. Which the OP didn’t have as she was so dehydrated. If the fluid was there she would have been able to pee it out.
Kezzie200 · 07/04/2022 10:32

How long did the check take to do and get results for once you had actually agreed to it? Did you refuse the check initially and delay things yourself?

They cannot just allow you to sign away responsibility. They deal with all manner of sick people and not all will be able to answer accurately. I don't mean lying just they are so sick they are confused or unable to understand the question. They need to be sure for themselves to reduce your risk.

Ponoka7 · 07/04/2022 10:33

"I seriously could have died because of this wait."

If you honestly think that then go to PALS and they'll investigate. You're saying that it's your decision, but if the pregnancy is over 24 weeks then the hospital could be responsible for causing the death, or disability of the baby. It isn't you that has to live with your potential life taken from you if the child was disabled. The disabled children are making up a big number of cases of the Shrewsbury scandal.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/04/2022 10:34

They do have to check

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