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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My word should have been enough

341 replies

EthelsAuntie · 07/04/2022 09:37

A couple of weeks ago, I was admitted to hospital. I had severe abdominal pain, no appetite, being violently sick, couldnt even keep water down. I hadn't been to the toilet for a wee or a poo for at least 24hrs.
The dr wanted to send me for an x-ray of my tummy but wouldn't send me until I got a confirmed negative on a pregnancy test.
I repeatedly told them that I wasn't pregnant. I knew that I wasn't pregnant. However because I'm married they said they needed to do the test. This seriously held up proceedings. They had to put me on a drip. They probably would have done that anyway. But they had to wait for hours until I was able to go for a wee. Then they did a test on it and only then did they request the X-ray because lo behold I was not pregnant.
It turned out to be extremely serious and I needed emergency surgery that took 5 hours.
AIBU to have felt very strongly that they should have taken my word for it. Make me sign something to say that I wasn't pregnant. Fine. Don't just dismiss me because I'm of childbearing age.
I also wonder what would have happened had I been pregnant. Neither I nor a fetus would have survived what the actual problem was had it been left untreated.
It was an awful time and I have to say the constant asking and not taking my word for it did not help. I was feeling like shit. I am a strong, intelligent woman in my 40s but I felt I didn't have a voice to be listened to.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 07/04/2022 16:08

Thank you. That's interesting. Reassuring also.

SolasAnla · 07/04/2022 16:08

Brefugee
How can a woman be sure that she won't just be left to die because of someone else's beliefs?

Because of this bit: they need to get somebody else to perform it.

If its lifesaving and/or a unintentional result of the surgery, its not an abortion procedure. Failure to provide medical care in that instance would not fall within abortion legislation.

and can we be sure that transmen are also being as carefully checked for pregnancy if it can be so influential on outcomes?

If the hospital policy is that women, as in females, are tested why would a HCP fail to follow procedure?

If it's a case that the HCP is not aware of the sex of their patient.
Would this be because the patient choose to not give a full medical history.
Or because the patient lacked capacity to understand the importance of giving a full medical history?

Brefugee · 07/04/2022 16:12

i asked about the transmen because it's a bit of a weird area since as i understand it in the UK at least it is at least a social faux pas to ask if someone is really a wo/man. And if someone has gender dysphoria, they may not volunteer this information themselves.

More a thought experiment on my part, than anything else.

Koigarden · 07/04/2022 16:15

@SolasAnla

You strong, intelligent woman in your 40s engaged in acts of sexual reproduction.

The doctors are aware that no form of birth control is 100% effective.

If you are christian abstinence is no guarantees either🤷🏼‍♀️

Eh? 😂😂😂

How can you get pregnant if you’re not having sex?

Jillyfernilly · 07/04/2022 16:24

The trans man issue is one of the reasons HCPs are arguing to retain biological sex on medical records.

The trans lobby of course think this is terrible. But actually their health is at risk if people don’t know they need breast/cervical/prostate cancer screening….

maiafawnly · 07/04/2022 16:25

@Brefugee

i asked about the transmen because it's a bit of a weird area since as i understand it in the UK at least it is at least a social faux pas to ask if someone is really a wo/man. And if someone has gender dysphoria, they may not volunteer this information themselves.

More a thought experiment on my part, than anything else.

Most trans people i have come across professionally are very open about their identity and understand their biological sex is important when it comes to various tests and are more than happy to comply. The whole "faux pas" comes from people trying to support gender identities, not from people actually in that position. They are more than happy to share and discuss their status of identifying differently to their sex at birth.
Whatalovelydaffodil · 07/04/2022 16:29

Never had to test, they have always taken my word for it.

SolasAnla · 07/04/2022 16:29

@Brefugee

i asked about the transmen because it's a bit of a weird area since as i understand it in the UK at least it is at least a social faux pas to ask if someone is really a wo/man. And if someone has gender dysphoria, they may not volunteer this information themselves.

More a thought experiment on my part, than anything else.

Your point illustrates why it is important to identify the sex of the patient when taking a medical history. Eg If the patient is pregnant but insists that she is a male and therefore cant be the HCP needs to assess why the patient is refusing to accept the test results. But also if the patient is able to make an informed choice about a treatment eg to consent to surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy the pregnancy first has to be acknowledged.
RosesAndHellebores · 07/04/2022 16:31

@koigarden - have you forgotten about the Angel Gabriel visiting Mary to tell her she was with child with the son of God. Later born in a stable and named Jesus.

SpringsSprung · 07/04/2022 16:48

@steff13

It's standard when you're having an x-ray to do a pregnancy test. If it took hours for you to be able to go, I'm surprised they didn't offer to catheterize you.
I've had hundreds of abdominal X-Rays and never once been checked for pregnancy! I am fat & ugly though, perhaps that's why
Guavaf1sh · 07/04/2022 16:49

To quote Dr House - I don’t ask why patients lie; I just assume they all do

Natty13 · 07/04/2022 16:57

@Jillyfernilly

The trans man issue is one of the reasons HCPs are arguing to retain biological sex on medical records.

The trans lobby of course think this is terrible. But actually their health is at risk if people don’t know they need breast/cervical/prostate cancer screening….

They are actually counselled on these things by their care team(s) and GPs have methods of making sure someone registered as a different gender are still flagged for screening as long as its necessary.
ChateauMargaux · 07/04/2022 17:27

@NeverDropYourMooncup... The use of Eire to describe Ireland is outdated, colonial and oppressive. I appreciate that my comment may not be appreciated on this thread but I am willing to run the risk.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/04/2022 17:35

[quote ChateauMargaux]@NeverDropYourMooncup... The use of Eire to describe Ireland is outdated, colonial and oppressive. I appreciate that my comment may not be appreciated on this thread but I am willing to run the risk.[/quote]
OK, I'll not do that again. I didn't know; I was following the lead of Irish family.

EthelsAuntie · 07/04/2022 17:55

@SpringsSprung I definitely wasn't looking my best! Grin
I've lost a heap of weight and hadn't even washed my hair in days.
I would say I've aged in the last few weeks. But once I getting eating properly again, I will look and feel a lot better.
Ironically, given the subject of the thread, because of the surgery, my stomach is all swollen. I now look pregnant.

OP posts:
Cookiecrumble22 · 07/04/2022 18:04

Why did you not mention in your op that you have had a hysterectomy ? Was it for the debate? Make the thread seem more interesting?

ancientgran · 07/04/2022 18:06

How can you get pregnant if you’re not having sex? IVF

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 07/04/2022 18:06

So sick of this happening to people in healthcare (women particularly). I had a collapse and blue light to hospital recently. I was shocked at how little attempt there was to ask me things. I think there has always been an element of this, but post covid, health care standards are seriously bad.

EthelsAuntie · 07/04/2022 18:21

@Cookiecrumble22 I just felt that actually my word should be enough. I realise now that apparently not because according to some people here, almost all women are liars, not to be trusted.. The fact they did take my word on not being allergic to things but were insistent on the pregnancy test seemed weird. The "since you are married" comment really annoyed me. Would they not have insisted on a pregnancy test if I had been single? That seems just as silly and not following their own procedures.
It just seemed a bit like "put the little wife in her place."
I did mention my hysterectomy straight away to the doctor, btw. I'm just very wary of putting too much identifying features on a public forum.

OP posts:
EvilHerbivore · 07/04/2022 18:37

[quote BrimFullOfAsher]@EvilHerbivore did they insist on a test though? Or just ask you to confirm?[/quote]
They insisted on a test 😁

MinnieGirl · 07/04/2022 18:41

[quote EthelsAuntie]@Cookiecrumble22 I just felt that actually my word should be enough. I realise now that apparently not because according to some people here, almost all women are liars, not to be trusted.. The fact they did take my word on not being allergic to things but were insistent on the pregnancy test seemed weird. The "since you are married" comment really annoyed me. Would they not have insisted on a pregnancy test if I had been single? That seems just as silly and not following their own procedures.
It just seemed a bit like "put the little wife in her place."
I did mention my hysterectomy straight away to the doctor, btw. I'm just very wary of putting too much identifying features on a public forum. [/quote]
If you’ve had a hysterectomy you can’t get pregnant, so can’t see why this question even arose…

But medical professionals do have to ensure female patients are not pregnant before they give a dose of radiation. Unless it is a life threatening condition, and then a clinician can make a best interest decision.

They will accept your word that you are allergic to things and not give them to you. No problem there. But if they accept your word that you are not pregnant and give you radiation, and you are pregnant… it can be catastrophic. I have known of two cases where the woman was convinced she wasn’t pregnant, and in both cases she was. Because the proper procedure wasn’t followed and they just accepted her word, there were significant payouts…

LightSpeeds · 07/04/2022 18:53

I always thought that for women of child-bearing age with abdo pain, ectopic pregnancy needs to be ruled out so a pregnancy test is required. Sorry. It's harsh but pregnancy needs to be ruled out (or in) for various reasons.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/04/2022 19:12

[quote EthelsAuntie]@Cookiecrumble22 I just felt that actually my word should be enough. I realise now that apparently not because according to some people here, almost all women are liars, not to be trusted.. The fact they did take my word on not being allergic to things but were insistent on the pregnancy test seemed weird. The "since you are married" comment really annoyed me. Would they not have insisted on a pregnancy test if I had been single? That seems just as silly and not following their own procedures.
It just seemed a bit like "put the little wife in her place."
I did mention my hysterectomy straight away to the doctor, btw. I'm just very wary of putting too much identifying features on a public forum. [/quote]
From my personal experience, I've been able to parrot a long and ever growing list of allergies since I was five years old.

The order doesn't change, if I'm asked about what happens if I have those medications, the symptoms don't change.

I still use the old form of medication names and can give examples of brand names of medications that have been withdrawn for decades, the list goes from old medications and names/classes to newer names and classes, suggesting that this is indeed a list that has been drilled into me (and added to) for the last 45 years -

and I can also give details of the medications that I have taken without issue previously,

that I had to have a different anaesthetic for a procedure because I was allergic to the usual one and,

as long as I am not actually fully unconscious, I'll instinctively go 'Hold up! What's in that? I'm allergic to...' the moment anybody comes anywhere near me with medication.

I was, however, utterly wrong when I said no, my period was only a week ago as they asked if it was a possibility. I was having discomfort and bleeding as though it was a period each month.

The 'married' thing would be you're in a long term relationship, so you're likely to be sexually active. If somebody were not married, they'd be saying 'because you live with somebody/have a boyfriend/have had sex' and still perform the test anyhow even if the answer was no, don't have sex, single, etc.

And as I've said before, people can be wrong (as I was), or not be able to accept they're pregnant - but there isn't really a known phenomenon of people denying they're allergic to medications, and if they are given something they are allergic to because they didn't know about it or forgot to mention it/thought it wasn't important because that's an antibacterial, not an anaesthetic, for example, the symptoms are very quick and the treatment is easily accessible.

It does sound very traumatic to be that seriously ill and to need such extensive surgery. But at that moment, whilst it was horrific for you to experience it, they had the time to give you fluids (which you needed anyway) and test to ensure that it wasn't a pregnancy related emergency which would have necessitated a gynae instead of the surgeon who performed your operation.

Angrymum22 · 07/04/2022 19:19

It has more to do with differential diagnosis and ruling out ectopic pregnancy first. And yes I have come across patients who still think they can become pregnant despite having a hysterectomy 🙄. Not everyone has the intellect and understanding of a mnetter sadly.

Crystalvas · 07/04/2022 20:32

[quote EthelsAuntie]@Cookiecrumble22 I just felt that actually my word should be enough. I realise now that apparently not because according to some people here, almost all women are liars, not to be trusted.. The fact they did take my word on not being allergic to things but were insistent on the pregnancy test seemed weird. The "since you are married" comment really annoyed me. Would they not have insisted on a pregnancy test if I had been single? That seems just as silly and not following their own procedures.
It just seemed a bit like "put the little wife in her place."
I did mention my hysterectomy straight away to the doctor, btw. I'm just very wary of putting too much identifying features on a public forum. [/quote]
Now your being dramatic. Just get over it!