Sons girlfriend

[BradPittsLeftArmpit]

First post, longtime lurker. My DS has been with his gf for 8 months. She pretty much stayed over on a regular basis at the beginning, so much so that she may as well have moved in. My DS never asked me, he just moved her in whilst I was away with DD. They'd been together 2 weeks. I put my foot down after about 3 weeks and told him she had to go back to hers. At no point in these 3 weeks did she make any effort to interact with me, no thank you for letting me stay etc...not even a hello/goodnight. Probably no more than 5 words in this 3 week period. Over the last 8 months, she has taken over my sons room with her stuff, hung her clothes in his wardrobe, packed them in the drawer under his bed, put her food in my fridge. Etc. You get the idea. All whilst barely talking to me.

She has "disappeared" on a night out, and said her drink was spiked, not contacting him until the next afternoon when he'd spent the previous night looking for her. I'll admit I don't like her and think he can do better. However I've never made this known directly to her. My main issue is that DS has a demanding job, sometimes working 12 hour days, for which he earns a good salary. He also has a trust fund. She doesn't work, never has done, and claims benefits.

Tomorrow he picks up the keys to their new flat. He hasn't said a word to me. I found out because the girlfriend ecstatically told my youngest DC, his sister, that her brother was moving out. I'm so upset that not only has my once close DS completely shut me out of this fairly big life decision, but that he's moving in with someone who can't contribute fairly to their joint life, but who also lies in bed 24/7 and doesn't clean or tidy his room. The room she stays in for days at a time, never leaving. Only to go to the toilet or bathroom. My friends, and his, have said they don't like her, and how he's changed. And not in a good way. He's not the person he used to be. I feel she can be quite controlling. I'm not sure why I'm posting. There's nothing I can do apart from be there when it all goes wrong. Any advice from anyone that's been through similar would be a help right now

@BoredZelda

The man of the house does little housework granted

@Kolani A man who does no housework, is not an “excellent steady partner”

and where did i say this? What I said was The man of the house does little housework granted this is no different to the U.K where women do the lion share. It doesn't mean men don't do ANY housework! it just means it's not equal but thankfully this is rapidly changing. The lazy UK men seem to have other qualities that have made them 'excellent steady partners' for the majority of UK women judging by the number of women complaining on MN. Why is my culture being held up to different standards?

[quote Kolani]@Polyanthus2

I'd be interested to know if everyone works and if everyone contributes to running the household in your country.
My suspicion is that the mother/ wife skivvies for everyone and doesn't have a career. So I am biased against adult DCs at home.

The man of the house does little housework granted BUT all adult children whether male or female are expected to contribute to household chores. Most women have careers or run their own small business some are stay-at-home mums similar to the UK. They are not expected to skivvy after adult children ever. Adult male child would be expected to run errands that involve driving about e.g picking younger siblings from school, driving mum to the market to buy groceries and expected to carry any heavy bags . All children wash their own clothes by age 12 and are able to prepare food for the whole family by 16yrs. Adult dc would be expected to do the ironing, washing up, sweeping or vacuuming, etc. Mum's role is to oversee everything and give her a satisfactory nod. I realise this is completely different to the average British person's idea of adult kids living at home, but in my community we have all raised our dc in the same way we were and so it might sound strange to say my adult dc lives at home but it's a very different dynamic. On the other hand, we don't charge adult dc for living at home regardless of wether they are working on not. It's just a different way of doing things, both have their pros and cons e.g British kids are more vulnerable when they move out because they move out at a much younger age. In my culture most move from about 25 yrs (extremely rare to move before 25) by which they are much more mature having been working and saving and also heavily involved in the domestic running of the home for some good years.

On the other hand, adult dc in my culture can be infantlised (i.e parents not allowing them to make decisions independently even though they are quite capable) parents can become to controlling and enjoy the free 'services' a bit too much.[/quote]
My naija sister...you get it. Who is going to skivvy for a grown child...the children skivvy for us