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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

30 miles for a duvet

150 replies

kennelmaid · 06/04/2022 21:32

Sorry, this is quite tedious!

Our duvet and pillows got accidentally damaged and we had to replace them quickly. DH insisted he needed a 15tog king size duvet and two pillows. Highest tog at Tesco nearby was 13.5. Not good enough. Only alternative was the Range which had 15 tog King size but was 30 mile round trip.

So we drove there tonight, I just got inside before closing and managed to get the last 15 tog king size in the shop (£39.99 expensive, right?). Result. Also instead of getting two pillows I just got one very thick one which has four removable layers, a reasonable compromise I thought. He was waiting in the car outside.

Not good enough. He was annoyed that I'd paid nearly £40 for a duvet and insisted that I have to go to buy another pillow tomorrow and won't even try the thick one I bought.

I had to laugh at this and he asked me what I was laughing at. I said I thought he was being a bit precious and demanding (he has lots of previous form for this).

He's now not speaking to me and is sitting in the other room.

Well, was I unreasonable to pay £40 for a duvet and only to get one thick pillow when he'd asked for two?

OP posts:
me4real · 06/04/2022 23:18

He asked specifically for the duvet and you bought it. If you hadn't bought it he'd probably have been even stroppier about it @kennelmaid .

He doesn't sound a relaxing and pleasant guy to live with.

Probably he'll want some other duvet soon anyway.

I would let him buy his own shit that he insists upon having. That way you can't go wrong (in that respect.)

LoveSpringDaffs · 06/04/2022 23:18

@OvOvO

How do you "accidentally" damage a kingsize duvet AND pillows? unless you set fire to DH in his bed
I don't think that counts as an 'accident', it would be an 'on purpose'
me4real · 06/04/2022 23:21

@LoveSpringDaffs Not if OP pled diminished responsibility on the grounds of him being such a twat he drove her to insanity.

JustWonderingIfYou · 06/04/2022 23:22

£40 is dirt cheap for a warm king duvet!

Also 2 pillows is very different to 1 big pillow.

YABU.

LoveSpringDaffs · 06/04/2022 23:25

£40 for a king size duvet, what was he expecting you to pay?

Though 1 weird pillow instead of two normal ones is unreasonable!

Ultimately he's the unreasonable one, he should have gone in with you or just gone on his own.

What happened to his previous duvet?

TabithaTittlemouse · 06/04/2022 23:25

Embarrassed to go into the range in a high viz? It’s hardly selfridges.

£40 isn’t a lot for a duvet but I would have got two pillows. I would have gone myself to make sure I got what I wanted though!

tkwal · 06/04/2022 23:26

15 tog, coming into the summertime ? He must be very cold blooded. Introduce him to the joys of online shopping, or Amazon ,or argos click and collect or send him to the shops himself. Do you not have any other pillows he could use to supplement the new one you bought ?.

luxxlisbon · 06/04/2022 23:26

I don’t really understand why you got 1 pillow instead of 2, it’s off to dictate that when you went in knowing what he wanted.
If you are already going into the shop you might as well just get what someone asks for.

Koigarden · 06/04/2022 23:26

£40 for a king size duvet? That’s a very cheap duvet and it must weigh a tonne!

whynotwhatknot · 06/04/2022 23:26

What-he makes you go in and shop for him for his own bedroom then moans about it
tell himto do it his fucking self

RosesAndHellebores · 06/04/2022 23:31

15 tog !!!!. We have a king size duck down duvet in two detachable parts: 4.5 for summer; 8.5 for autumn; supposedly 13 for winter. We have never ever had both on at the same time - we would fry. I Darenth whisper what it cost.

We each have three duck down pillows. They are blissful.

DH has no involvement in the purchase of such things but I did recently buy a cotton sheet from Sainsburys and he said it felt like sleeping on a brilliant pad. He was right.

You are both being unreasonable. Why do you have separate beds? When I was in the thick of the menopause we had separate duvet covers but never separate beds.

RosesAndHellebores · 06/04/2022 23:32

Brillo pad!

HumourReplacementTherapy · 06/04/2022 23:32

Did he shit the bed? Grin
As well as the carpet, the sofa........

Throckmorton · 06/04/2022 23:32

Surely if the one pillow has separate layers you can put two layers in one pillowcase, two in another, and tell him it's now two pillows and he can feck off with them both!

oakleaffy · 06/04/2022 23:36

@Easterisoffeggstooexpensive

Surely he is a big enough boy to go buy his own friggin pillow?
Absolutely! Is he a man or a mouse?
Dancer47 · 06/04/2022 23:38

No! You were not unreasonable and did really well for that money, and that pillow sounds like a great idea. I would be thrilled with that.
Your DH is being a nasty little spoilt TOAD Smile

Allsquishedin · 06/04/2022 23:42

An adjustable pillow

www.johnlewis.com/kally-sleep-adjustable-standard-pillow-medium-firm/p5192327

He needs to do his own shopping.

oakleaffy · 06/04/2022 23:42

£40 for a duvet is very cheap.
15 tog?
I'd be roasting with one that hot.

Down duvets are worth the price, being cool in summer and warm in winter, and they 'breathe', and are so light.

Bought one {£100 ish} and it's bliss.

Wouldn't ever go back to synthetics, {wadding duvets} but of course, they aren't vegan friendly.

Belkell · 06/04/2022 23:42

@Throckmorton

Surely if the one pillow has separate layers you can put two layers in one pillowcase, two in another, and tell him it's now two pillows and he can feck off with them both!
I came here to say just that.

But what muppet would a) be choosy about pillows then b) send someone else to get them

Ive Just been duvet shopping with DH. I am very picky. He would sleep under a pile of socks and be just as happy. I made all the decisions and did all the running about. Because I am the one who would moan.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 06/04/2022 23:45

@piglet81

This is twelve flavours of baffling.
I think this is my new favourite saying 🍭😄
FatsoandtheFeast · 06/04/2022 23:49

Nope, doesn't make sense. You sleep in separate rooms so he must have damaged his own duvet. Then makes you go in the shop because he's embarrassed of hi vis, is there a dress code at the range? Then it's not the right duvet even though he looked it up online already? His damage, his duvet, his desires, his problem.

One pillow is proper stingy though.

MarieKlepto · 06/04/2022 23:50

If you don't do down, even the silly "Reclaimed Natural" John Lewis shizzle, then £40 is totally doable for a king-size duvet. My husband is tediously fussy about things but he's learned that if mutual, we'll talk about it but if it's of singular interest to him then sort yourself out!

ThreeLocusts · 07/04/2022 00:00

Jeez... your H is coming across as a right prick. Hope he locates his sense of humour and buys his own bedding in future.

NumberTheory · 07/04/2022 00:07

Your DH is BveryU. I’m with everyone else in not understanding why you were doing the buying at all. And yes, he sounds very precious and what did he expect you to do when he’d insisted on a 30 mile round trip and that’s how much the duvet cost?

But I do think YABU about the pillow. You don’t have two pillows because what you really want is one thick pillow. You have two pillows so you can double it up sometimes and then fling one of them across the room when it irritates you, or cuddle one while the other goes under your head, or lie one length ways and then the other one upright against the head rest when you’re sitting up in bed. A single layered pillow isn’t going to do that.

StoppinBy · 07/04/2022 00:08

@Justmuddlingalong

His behaviour makes him sound like a sleep growbag would be more suitable.
Hahaha. Your response made me laugh.

OP - He should have gone in himself to get what he wanted. YANBU. He was there but sent you in, that's on him. I would love a pillow as you describe.