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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family putting pressure on my to take Covid tests

128 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 20:54

And it's really bothering me!
I've been really response throughout the whole pandemic. I plodded along following all the advice as it came and went whilst trying to get on with my life. I've always been respectful to my mum as she has major health anxiety so the pandemic has been a big worry for her.
Anyway, couple weeks ago my whole family incl sister and her household caught Covid yet me and my sons and my dad didn't (we live with my mum and dad currently). I don't know how or why we didn't catch it, who knows! But anyway, my mum dealt with it like a trouper and I'm super proud of her. It was a massive thing for her to overcome and I would rather she get it mildly and I have it harsh over and over again for her (if that was ever an option!!). ANYWAY now the rules have relaxed and my mums had her jabs and got her natural immunity she cannot let Covid go. She still wears her mask and tests herself (each to their own!!) but I'm getting bothered by her trying to enforce this on me. I have a cold atm. I tested myself a couple days ago and again today and it's negative, it's just a cold. I'm happy to test when I'm unwell but my mum is really putting pressure on me to test every day and if I don't I'm selfish because I'm not thinking of my dad or her to catch it again!! My mums not a bad person, she's had cancer a good few years ago and she's anxious... but.... I also think of myself and how unhealthy I think it is to obsessively test. It makes me feel paranoid and worried. And given that life is moving forward, I want to too! I feel like I darent even mention feeling unwell now, and that's not fair.
Would you guys just keep testing to help your mum with her anxiety even if it ment every single day, or would you do what I've done which is test when you feel necessary.

We've had a fall out tonight over this. She doesn't see things from my perspective.

OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 06/04/2022 20:56

You need to move out.

Theunamedcat · 06/04/2022 21:01

Free tests have ended so how is she getting them

MySecretHistory · 06/04/2022 21:04

@Theunamedcat

Free tests have ended so how is she getting them
I imagine they have a stash?
SirVixofVixHall · 06/04/2022 21:06

Yes i would test to make my Mum feel safer. Most people I know with Covid at the moment took days to get a positive LfT.
Your Mum has been through cancer, and then the fear of Covid on top of that must have been pretty traumatic. It takes a minute to test, hardly a huge effort, I am quite shocked that you wouldn’t do something to put her mind at ease.

MoreOfADogPerson · 06/04/2022 21:08

@Theunamedcat

Free tests have ended so how is she getting them
Buy them like in most other countries?
PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2022 21:09

@Theunamedcat

Free tests have ended so how is she getting them
Buying them? I wouldn’t have a problem using tests they’ve paid for. We visit a vulnerable lady every week so we’re continuing to test before going for her benefit.

I agree that moving out seems the best option.

Mum2jenny · 06/04/2022 21:10

I wouldn’t test unless you do feel very unwell. The tests aren’t all that accurate anyway.
I had a positive LFT around 6 weeks ago, then a negative PCR. But if I test using a particular box of LFTs, I’m still testing positive, but on any other boxes of LFTs, I’m negative.
Not sure if that proves anything though.

FloraPostePosts · 06/04/2022 21:10

@SirVixofVixHall

Yes i would test to make my Mum feel safer. Most people I know with Covid at the moment took days to get a positive LfT. Your Mum has been through cancer, and then the fear of Covid on top of that must have been pretty traumatic. It takes a minute to test, hardly a huge effort, I am quite shocked that you wouldn’t do something to put her mind at ease.
I agree with this.

If you are causing your mother stress because you and she want to live differently, then it’s time for you to move out, then you will be able to handle covid risks in the way that suits you.

Gizacluethen · 06/04/2022 21:11

It takes 30 seconds. I'd probably do it just to keep the peace.

Tainging99 · 06/04/2022 21:12

It sounds a bit draining for you and I don’t know the circumstances relating to you living at theirs but it’s their house. Therefore your Mum should feel comfortable and I would just take the tests

Sciurus83 · 06/04/2022 21:12

I don't think she is unreasonable to ask you to test frequently when you have cold symptoms. Thought I had a cold for 3 days, negative every day until it wasn't. If this is really a big problem for you perhaps you need to consider your living arrangement.

LIZS · 06/04/2022 21:15

If you live on their house you should expect to follow their rules, although testing daily seems excessive. When can you move out?

SerendipitySunshine · 06/04/2022 21:15

Her house, her rules.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 06/04/2022 21:16

My parents still test weekly as my dads job means he's asked to and mum because she lives with him so she does it so they know each week.

I haven't tested for a week or so but then I have no symptoms and will only test now if I feel not quite right in any way however we don't live together.

If my mum asked me and my dc to test before going over I would do it to put her at ease.

If your mum has an anxiety around it that's going to heighten her stress levels so she's probably on the edge a lot of the time and seeing as schools are still rife with it shel be like a cat on a hot tin roof in her own home.

If you and your dc doing a few seconds lft test settles her anxiety down and stops her panicking why wouldn't you do it op?

DDivaStar · 06/04/2022 21:17

The difficulty is you're living in their house. Realistically if they are providing the tests they're not unreasonable.

Alternatively move out.

Ohdoleavemealone · 06/04/2022 21:20

The problem with frequent testing and health anxiety is that it only relieves the anxiety for a short period of time. You testing is just adding to the cycle.

FloraPostePosts · 06/04/2022 21:31

@Ohdoleavemealone

The problem with frequent testing and health anxiety is that it only relieves the anxiety for a short period of time. You testing is just adding to the cycle.
I disagree with this. The OP’s DM has survived cancer, and is wise to be careful about a virus whose effects on her are unforeseeable.

My DM has had cancer and a heart attack, and we test every time we are going to see her. I do it because I love her and she is precious to me, and I don’t want to potentially make her very ill. It’s no trouble to me, and reassures me that we aren’t taking any risks. If I am actively unwell, I stay away. Mum doesn’t necessarily want me to do this, but I do it to eliminate known risks to her, having nearly lost her twice already. I can’t imagine wanting to do anything else.

MargosKaftan · 06/04/2022 21:35

Your mum isn't the only one who actually having covid didn't stop the health anxiety, I work with someone who was still cleaning things other people had touched to make it "safe" for her and quarantining her post when she was positive for covid (and knew she was) - she wasn't fussed about cleaning things she'd touched for others, still trying to protect herself from a virus she already had. But she'd lived like this for 2 years, its going to take a long time to get over this living in fear.

You probably need to move out. But also accept this will take years for your mum to get over. If catching covid didn't stop her being like this, then you have to accept shes a long haul type.

Iggly · 06/04/2022 21:38

By testing, you reduce anxiety about covid because you have an idea as to what you’re dealing with.

It’s more anxious not knowing if you’ve got covid or not without testing!

Covid is a nasty illness. I’ve had a “mild” bout, I’m triple jabbed and I’m still not right. I get exhausted easily and my heart rate is all over the shop. I’m 40, fit and healthy with no underlying conditions.

Living with covid shouldn’t mean ignoring it ffs.

Iggly · 06/04/2022 21:39

And having had it I’m really worried about getting it again! It’s making me more cautious about masks and socialising because it wiped me more than I ever expected.

PukkaP · 06/04/2022 21:41

I think you're being a bit selfish

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/04/2022 21:41

Your mum’s a cancer survivor and you’re living in her house…and she’s scared of catching covid again…and you’re making a fuss about testing?

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 21:42

Thanks all! Good to hear others opinions. Maybe I just needed a rant!

For those telling me to "move out" so bluntly you literally have zero idea with I live at my parents, but after being in an abusive marriage and being walked out on during my pregnancy I need the support of my family and they are more then happy to have us! I'm not going to move out over taking a Covid test, bit dramatic hey?!

We don't have the relationship of "my house my rules" it's very much our home which we all contribute to but I'm very respectful of my family and I think that's more then evident in my units post!

OP posts:
Aprilx · 06/04/2022 21:43

I do not have health anxiety, I am in the camp of glad to see things returning to normal. But if I had cold symptoms and somebody I lived with was vulnerable and wanted me to test, then I would test. And yes test again a couple of days later if I still have symptoms.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 21:44

@AtrociousCircumstance

Your mum’s a cancer survivor and you’re living in her house…and she’s scared of catching covid again…and you’re making a fuss about testing?
No I think you missed my point. My point is more that I think it's u healthy to be testing so frequently. My mum was testing twice a day at one point and I don't think that's good for anyone's mental health including my own!

She is a cancer survivor, as I pointed! Very proofs of my mum but it can also be very hard to support someone with such bad healthy anxiety.

OP posts: