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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family putting pressure on my to take Covid tests

128 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 20:54

And it's really bothering me!
I've been really response throughout the whole pandemic. I plodded along following all the advice as it came and went whilst trying to get on with my life. I've always been respectful to my mum as she has major health anxiety so the pandemic has been a big worry for her.
Anyway, couple weeks ago my whole family incl sister and her household caught Covid yet me and my sons and my dad didn't (we live with my mum and dad currently). I don't know how or why we didn't catch it, who knows! But anyway, my mum dealt with it like a trouper and I'm super proud of her. It was a massive thing for her to overcome and I would rather she get it mildly and I have it harsh over and over again for her (if that was ever an option!!). ANYWAY now the rules have relaxed and my mums had her jabs and got her natural immunity she cannot let Covid go. She still wears her mask and tests herself (each to their own!!) but I'm getting bothered by her trying to enforce this on me. I have a cold atm. I tested myself a couple days ago and again today and it's negative, it's just a cold. I'm happy to test when I'm unwell but my mum is really putting pressure on me to test every day and if I don't I'm selfish because I'm not thinking of my dad or her to catch it again!! My mums not a bad person, she's had cancer a good few years ago and she's anxious... but.... I also think of myself and how unhealthy I think it is to obsessively test. It makes me feel paranoid and worried. And given that life is moving forward, I want to too! I feel like I darent even mention feeling unwell now, and that's not fair.
Would you guys just keep testing to help your mum with her anxiety even if it ment every single day, or would you do what I've done which is test when you feel necessary.

We've had a fall out tonight over this. She doesn't see things from my perspective.

OP posts:

Sweettruelies · 07/04/2022 07:53

Is your mum well off? Tests are £10 for five. Testing twice daily costs £28 per week, over £100 per month. Multiplied by number of people in the household. I couldn’t afford that to put it bluntly!

Hollywolly1 · 07/04/2022 08:00

@Sweettruelies
Her mother can't afford to catch covid though and I think its very unfair to be having an argument with her mother over this,she's in her own home.The daughter and family need to test if its her mother's wishes

LoveSpringDaffs · 07/04/2022 08:03

@Maisa45

I would refuse. I appreciate your Mum has been through a lot but she's going to have to get over the irrational covid fear eventually.

Fear of covid is not irrational FFS

You would refuse? Then I'd hope you'd have the decency to move out of your mums home!!

@Wednesdayafternoon. I think testing as often as she wants you to is the least you can do when you & your children are living with her! You're putting her in a much more vulnerable position than if you weren't living there.

Sweettruelies · 07/04/2022 08:05

I thought that the mother had had covid already?

Just saying, I literally couldn’t afford to test that much so wouldn’t be able to do this regardless of my thoughts on it. Especially with all the rises in the cost of living. Maybe the OP is a mums-net high earner so it’s fine from that respect.

However I also agree that constant asymptomatic testing feeds health anxiety

MacaroniBaloney · 07/04/2022 08:07

Her house, her rules.

If you want to live like an independent adult, move out.

Hollywolly1 · 07/04/2022 08:07

@Maisa45
Extremely selfish attitude,you've got to be joking

OutingHobby · 07/04/2022 08:08

@Wednesdayafternoon

Thanks all! Good to hear others opinions. Maybe I just needed a rant!

For those telling me to "move out" so bluntly you literally have zero idea with I live at my parents, but after being in an abusive marriage and being walked out on during my pregnancy I need the support of my family and they are more then happy to have us! I'm not going to move out over taking a Covid test, bit dramatic hey?!

We don't have the relationship of "my house my rules" it's very much our home which we all contribute to but I'm very respectful of my family and I think that's more then evident in my units post!

Doesn't matter why you are there. They have kindly let you live with them the least you can do is take a test if that's what makes them feel comfortable.

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2022 08:10

However I also agree that constant asymptomatic testing feeds health anxiety

The op isn’t asymptomatic. Twice daily testing is over the top but I don’t think it’s ridiculous to test while you’ve got what are now covid symptoms after the recent update to the list.

Brefugee · 07/04/2022 08:13

We don't have the relationship of "my house my rules" it's very much our home which we all contribute to but I'm very respectful of my family and I think that's more then evident in my units post!

I've read OPs posts only so sorry if this has been said ad infinitum. The thing for me, OP, is that your mum is worried and you could do a little thing to alleviate that, so why wouldn't you do it?

The fact that all the covid measures have fallen doesn't mean it's gone, and doesn't mean that people who have other health issues shouldn't be worried, vaccinated, boostered whatever.

It may not be "my house my rules" but you should try to understand your mum's pov a little more.

Sharrowgirl · 07/04/2022 08:14

Fear of covid is not irrational FFS

I think it is, when the fear is at the level of the OP’s mum. Testing healthy people once or twice a day, every day?

Abraxan · 07/04/2022 08:17

@Theunamedcat

Free tests have ended so how is she getting them

May have boxes left in the house. May be in the vulnerable category and still able to access free tests.

Brefugee · 07/04/2022 08:28

I think it is, when the fear is at the level of the OP’s mum. Testing healthy people once or twice a day, every day?

yes, and while i think it would be kind of OP to test (preferably not daily but if it keeps her mum happy and they can afford it? why not?) i also think her mum needs to have some help with the anxiety.

It's a difficult situation. But everyone seems to be different. My OH didn't get symptoms and showed positive (after close contact with someone) pretty much immediately. I got really ill and tested negative for nearly a week - by which time i was on the way to recovery.

So for that alone, I'm not really anti testing often.

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2022 08:28

Testing healthy people once or twice a day, every day?

The mum is obviously worried about getting covid herself having had cancer. Healthy people can still pass covid on to those who might have a bad course of it. That’s why healthy people test-for the benefit of others.

The op has a cold at the moment. That could be covid. I can totally understand why someone in the mum’s position would be worried given the op is living in her house.

Sharrowgirl · 07/04/2022 08:34

She’s already had Covid though and the cancer was 10 years ago. She’s no reason to be this fearful.

I’m not having a go at the OPs mum, I really feel for her. The point is that there is a healthy level of caution and then there is health anxiety, and it’s important, for the sake of the person suffering from the anxiety, for others to be able to recognise that.

Original poster

Wednesdayafternoon · 07/04/2022 08:48

Guys I've said many MANY of times that my mum had health anxiety long before she had cancer. Please stop saying "she had cancer" being the reason why she's so worried because it isn't. She has always been fearful of illnesses and she would tell you think herself.
I'm not hear to downplay what my mum has been through but her health anxiety is much more then that illness she had.

Like I've said I will continue to test, I was just wanted to know if you guys felt it was justified to test every couple of days instead or testing multiple times a day.

I will continue to test when I'm unwell but I just personally don't think this puts her mind at ease. It's a quick fix to get some reassurance when actually many of you have told me that you got positive tests days after being unwel so obsessively testing seems to not really do anyone any good!

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2022 08:49

If she had heath anxiety before, actually having cancer will likely have put rocket fuel underneath it.

hihellohihello · 07/04/2022 08:49

Funny I have had cancer and can be anxious about my health. The thing that often sends me in into a tailspin is the prospect of testing. Until then I can forget about whatever. As soon as a test is mentioned my reaction only too often has been that I start considering possibilities and planning for eventualities which I really do not need to be putting my imagination into! I'm trying not to be like this and will test when asked but my preference is not. I am trying to focus on the positives of testing when I am asked to test but I think I would find living with your mother challenging.

saraclara · 07/04/2022 08:52

As I understand it, the mum isn't expecting OP to test daily just when she's ill, she wants her to do it all the time. And that's unreasonable.

She is unhappy with OP refusing, yet she is refusing the counselling that she been offered for her health anxiety. She wants it both ways. If she has a right to refuse help, then OP has a right not to be sucked into this daily or twice daily testing which risks her own mental health.

doublemonkey · 07/04/2022 08:53

Even Bill Gates and Dr Fauci have admitted that Omicron has done a better job of vaccinating than the vaccines themselves.

Catching Covid has given your Mum excellent protection - better than the shots according to recent data.

John Campbell on Youtube has done many fantastic videos explaining things in really simple terms. Maybe try to show her something?

Brefugee · 07/04/2022 09:04

and yet OPs mum can, as i do, read about many friends who have it for the 3rd time since September and each time it has been different, sometimes worse than before. If you have health anxiety anyway, that can tip you over.

OutlookStalking · 07/04/2022 09:10

I dont think OP really wants to hear any views other than her own. The majority here have said, oP is stayinh in her mums house, her mum has had cancer and is anxious, so of course if asked to test when ill OP should! I have had a cold and tested daily in case it happened to be covid .

RichTeaRichTea · 07/04/2022 09:10

“ Her mother can't afford to catch covid though”

Her mother has had covid already

“ your mum is worried and you could do a little thing to alleviate that, so why wouldn't you do it?”

What if it doesn’t actually alleviate the worry?

SawnWood · 07/04/2022 09:15

With no PCR tests people are taking 5 days of being ill with just a cold to turn an LFT positive, so asking you to do daily tests whilst ill and living with her is really reasonable. And her natural immunity will do fuck all as she can get it again in 5 weeks

OutlookStalking · 07/04/2022 09:16

Its not really her place to decide whether or not it alleviates her mums worry. Its her mums health, her mum's decision, her mums house and OP is staying there.

Of course if OP finds her mum too much she can stay elsewhere and that may be a plan for the future. But to stay there and tell her mum her views are invalid and not test when she is ill and could have covid is truly unkind when asked to do so.

HELLITHURT · 07/04/2022 09:27

@Theunamedcat

Free tests have ended so how is she getting them

Like toilet rolls, some people stockpiled!

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