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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family putting pressure on my to take Covid tests

128 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 20:54

And it's really bothering me!
I've been really response throughout the whole pandemic. I plodded along following all the advice as it came and went whilst trying to get on with my life. I've always been respectful to my mum as she has major health anxiety so the pandemic has been a big worry for her.
Anyway, couple weeks ago my whole family incl sister and her household caught Covid yet me and my sons and my dad didn't (we live with my mum and dad currently). I don't know how or why we didn't catch it, who knows! But anyway, my mum dealt with it like a trouper and I'm super proud of her. It was a massive thing for her to overcome and I would rather she get it mildly and I have it harsh over and over again for her (if that was ever an option!!). ANYWAY now the rules have relaxed and my mums had her jabs and got her natural immunity she cannot let Covid go. She still wears her mask and tests herself (each to their own!!) but I'm getting bothered by her trying to enforce this on me. I have a cold atm. I tested myself a couple days ago and again today and it's negative, it's just a cold. I'm happy to test when I'm unwell but my mum is really putting pressure on me to test every day and if I don't I'm selfish because I'm not thinking of my dad or her to catch it again!! My mums not a bad person, she's had cancer a good few years ago and she's anxious... but.... I also think of myself and how unhealthy I think it is to obsessively test. It makes me feel paranoid and worried. And given that life is moving forward, I want to too! I feel like I darent even mention feeling unwell now, and that's not fair.
Would you guys just keep testing to help your mum with her anxiety even if it ment every single day, or would you do what I've done which is test when you feel necessary.

We've had a fall out tonight over this. She doesn't see things from my perspective.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 21:46

@Aprilx

I do not have health anxiety, I am in the camp of glad to see things returning to normal. But if I had cold symptoms and somebody I lived with was vulnerable and wanted me to test, then I would test. And yes test again a couple of days later if I still have symptoms.
This is exactly what I've done. I did a test 2 days ago and one again today. My point is more that I'm being asked to test daily, sometimes asked to test twice. It's excessive and hard to cope with. It's making me fee paroniod and stressed and whether I own this house or not my feelings are valid too!
OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 21:47

@Ohdoleavemealone

The problem with frequent testing and health anxiety is that it only relieves the anxiety for a short period of time. You testing is just adding to the cycle.
Yes I agree with this. I had CBT therapy recently and we discussed this a lot, identifing when you're seeking reassurance and whether your seeking it from soemthing which will actually help or not.
OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 21:48

@FloraPostePosts don't be shocked because at no point have I said I won't do it!

OP posts:
Iggly · 06/04/2022 21:49

I tested twice in the day I tested positive as I felt shit later in the day.
It’s been all over the news that you can be negative then positive later in the day.

I think it’s a bit unfair to describe her as having health anxiety when she’s had a life changing cancer diagnosis.

That’s not quite the same as someone who’s never had a serious illness getting a bit twitchy.

Toddlerteaplease · 06/04/2022 21:50

My mum is like this. She denies having anxiety. But really does. She's been very OTT. I have no doubt that she's still testing. And tells me to test if I just have a headache. (I have to test got work anyway) The irony is that I'm the one that's vulnerable, and I'm not bothered. Neither her or my dad are and she's on the ceiling!

MargosKaftan · 06/04/2022 21:52

The question is, what will the mum do with the information if the OP has got covid? From the sound of it, the OP doesn't have somewhere else to go live while she recovers, nor does the mum. Its not like knowing means they can avoid each other. There's a logic to insisting on outsiders regular testing that's just not as important for those who live with you. If the mum is a cancer survivor then the OP should be keeping as much distance as housesharing allows while she has any bug, even if it is just a cold. Given the Mum had covid mildly, does it matter if its a cold or covid now, surely the risk level is now similar for her? (I have heard of 2nd rounds of covid being the same or milder than 1st, dont know anyone who had it mildly the 1st time then very sick the 2nd - and there are a lot of reinfections now!)

PurpleDaisies · 06/04/2022 21:54

@MargosKaftan

The question is, what will the mum do with the information if the OP has got covid? From the sound of it, the OP doesn't have somewhere else to go live while she recovers, nor does the mum. Its not like knowing means they can avoid each other. There's a logic to insisting on outsiders regular testing that's just not as important for those who live with you. If the mum is a cancer survivor then the OP should be keeping as much distance as housesharing allows while she has any bug, even if it is just a cold. Given the Mum had covid mildly, does it matter if its a cold or covid now, surely the risk level is now similar for her? (I have heard of 2nd rounds of covid being the same or milder than 1st, dont know anyone who had it mildly the 1st time then very sick the 2nd - and there are a lot of reinfections now!)
They might choose to change their behaviour to minimise their risk of passing it on.
godmum56 · 06/04/2022 21:56

@Wednesdayafternoon

Thanks all! Good to hear others opinions. Maybe I just needed a rant!

For those telling me to "move out" so bluntly you literally have zero idea with I live at my parents, but after being in an abusive marriage and being walked out on during my pregnancy I need the support of my family and they are more then happy to have us! I'm not going to move out over taking a Covid test, bit dramatic hey?!

We don't have the relationship of "my house my rules" it's very much our home which we all contribute to but I'm very respectful of my family and I think that's more then evident in my units post!

if you are not going to move out over taking a test and its her house then just do the damn test! It doesn't hurt you and it reassures her.
CaptainMyCaptain · 06/04/2022 21:56

I can't imagine why you wouldn't do it to make your mum feel safer.

Figgygal · 06/04/2022 22:01

I get its annoying and maybe she does need some support with her health anxiety but if she's willing to pay for them wheres the harm?
Oh and ive been ill since sunday i have only tested positive today so negative tests are not indicative of anything

Mariposista · 06/04/2022 22:02

Ugghhh so sorry for you OP. I understand you and you sound like you have been very tolerant. Yet you are putting up with a lot here. Please do not pander to your family’s anxiety. They have to move on or get left behind. Make it clear that covid is not worth damaging your relationship with them permanently over, now that you are jabbed and some have had it.

Notajogger · 06/04/2022 22:04

A bit surprised this is a question.
She's had health issues, is worried about it and you and your kids are living in her house (regardless of how much you contribute, it's still her house) and there's no medical reason for you not to test- if it makes you so stressed, perhaps try and meditate afterwards or something. Testing and Covid are here to stay, you need to do something to alleviate that stress if it's causing this to be an issue for you.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 22:06

@Iggly

I tested twice in the day I tested positive as I felt shit later in the day. It’s been all over the news that you can be negative then positive later in the day.

I think it’s a bit unfair to describe her as having health anxiety when she’s had a life changing cancer diagnosis.

That’s not quite the same as someone who’s never had a serious illness getting a bit twitchy.

I say my mum has health anxiety because she does and she always had had health anxiety and she would tell you that herself. Her health anxiety has worsened since she had cancer almost ten years ago but unfortunately she doesn't wish to take any mental health support via counciling etc which she has been offered. I support her as much as her can but it can be quite heavy and I do struggle sometimes. I don't see that as an insult and neither does she so it's not unfair it's just part of who she is.
OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 06/04/2022 22:09

I would do this for my mum, if I lived in her home, I can not see the harm in it.

You will not fix her health anxiety, which are not hard to understand given she has had cancer, and you will reduce the chance of passing COVID to her.

I think YABU and a bit of a PITA.

Hbh17 · 06/04/2022 22:13

I have never done a test - don't have a job where it is required, & I wouldn't let anyone else bully me into it. If you can't say no to her, then just lie.

carefullycourageous · 06/04/2022 22:15

If you can't say no to her, then just lie. I would feel like shit if I lied to my mum, then gave her COVID. This would be a truly shitty approach.

Lalliella · 06/04/2022 22:21

You’re living in her house and you don’t want to do this tiny thing to put her mind at rest? I’d be showing you the door if I was her. I know someone who has caught covid again 3 weeks after they last had it. Cases are sky high. People are still dying. Your mum is right to be worried. You sound very selfish.

CitrusSunshine · 06/04/2022 22:21

Her health "anxiety" is for a genuine reason though. Covid cases are still extremely high, presumably your DC are at school where cases are still high, and your DM is vulnerable. Testing twice a day may be a bit excessive, but I really can't see why you wouldn't be testing every few days to try and protect your mum, so that you could try and isolate or stay away from her as much as possible, and as soon as possible, if you were positive.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 22:24

@carefullycourageous
I'm being a pain in the ass because I have my own opinion?
I've said many times on this thread that I have taken the test and I'm negative and I've also said that I've never refused.
When my mym had Covid I tested twice daily for ten days because she was worried and it absolutely drained me to the ground as it triggered my own anxiety and it's not mentally healthy to be obsessing over it that much!
But hey if you think that me having an opinion which my mym doesn't share, regardless of the fact that I've done what she wanted, then you have that opinion!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 22:25

@CitrusSunshine

Her health "anxiety" is for a genuine reason though. Covid cases are still extremely high, presumably your DC are at school where cases are still high, and your DM is vulnerable. Testing twice a day may be a bit excessive, but I really can't see why you wouldn't be testing every few days to try and protect your mum, so that you could try and isolate or stay away from her as much as possible, and as soon as possible, if you were positive.
Have you read the thread? I have said a few times I tested 2 days ago and again today. I'm more then happy to do that. But daily testing I just feel is a bit much.
OP posts:
ilovesooty · 06/04/2022 22:26

@carefullycourageous

If you can't say no to her, then just lie. I would feel like shit if I lied to my mum, then gave her COVID. This would be a truly shitty approach.
Agreed Absolutely shitty attitude.
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 06/04/2022 22:27

@CitrusSunshine also, any form of anxiety is justified, you don't need a genuine reason. You can have day to day anxiety and health anxiety without having had an illness. My mum has had Heath anxiety her whole life, she would literally tell you this herself. Wether she had had cancer or not I strongly believe she would have dealt with the same and I say this as I'm her daughter and i know her much more then anyone else on this thread!

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 06/04/2022 22:28

I think in your position OP I would agree to testing in moderation.

Neverreturntoathread · 06/04/2022 22:33

I think testing every day in the situation you describe is excessive and a product of anxiety rather than sense.

We’ve been very cautious as well but I don’t test unless I feel ill, and then I test twice: days 2 and 5.

I had covid and my daily LFTs were all negative but PCR positive and rest of family all positive on LFTs 🤷‍♀️

Apatosaurus20 · 06/04/2022 22:38

I test and wear a mask when I visit my parents because life for me has mostly gone back to normality, but they are still vulnerable and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for bringing it into their house. Luckily so as I had covid a few weeks back and spent hours with them when I would have been most contagious.

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