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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's comments about another baby

122 replies

Tulalalala · 06/04/2022 18:32

Me and DH were having the conversation recently about more DC. I wouldn't have minded another, he didn't (although he won't even consider getting a vasectomy Hmm) but anyway, that's fine we've agreed no more.

However one comment keeps sticking with me.

Whilst we were talking be kept insisting if we ever did end up with another baby he would leave and not have anything to do with "it", even said at one point he'd jump off a bridge...

Anyway, this is not about him not wanting more DC, I have accepted that and it's fine. But I feel a bit pissed off about his other comments. Of course I'm not planning an accident and it likely will not happen but it makes me sad and annoyed to know if that ever did happen, he thinks he'd fuck off and not be there.

Anyway, AIBU to think this is pretty shit?

OP posts:
Chely · 06/04/2022 18:36

Sounds like he needs a hammer taking to his balls

Gizacluethen · 06/04/2022 18:38

Yeah I'd be annoyed at that. Not very nice. I would absolutely have told him he needs to get the snip then.

Rainallnight · 06/04/2022 18:39

Then he needs the snip. Or for you not to have sex with him.

twinsetandpearl · 06/04/2022 18:39

Yes he's a dick

If my DH said that to me id suggest he took himself off for a vasectomy if he felt that strongly about another child and there'd be no sex until it was done

Why doesn't he want another child? Let's be honest here not like men do most of the hard work. My DH was ambivalent but i said since I'm the main earner and do 99% of the hard work like getting up in the night then ultimately the choice to have another would be up to me.

PinkSyCo · 06/04/2022 18:40

I hope he’s the one who is using contraception if he feels that strongly about it.

Soubriquet · 06/04/2022 18:41

If he won’t have a vasectomy, and feels that dramatic about having another one, then don’t have sex

Way too high a risk

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 06/04/2022 18:43

'Oh love I'm so worried you would 'jump off a bus' if we ever had an accidental pregnancy that I think the safest course of action is abstinence'

He will soon book in for snip.

Dick

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 06/04/2022 18:45

I wouldn't be able to have sex with someone who threatened to jump off something and end his life, but was unwilling to get a vasectomy.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 06/04/2022 18:47

@CandlesBlanketsandTea

I wouldn't be able to have sex with someone who threatened to jump off something and end his life, but was unwilling to get a vasectomy.
⬆️ exactly this. His ridiculous over the top reaction is very off putting
SevenWaystoLeave · 06/04/2022 18:47

Him jumping off a bridge would be fairly effective contraception.

DrBrennerFan · 06/04/2022 18:48

I felt the same about no kids ever but then I made sure contraception was water tight until sterilisation I refused ex near me after antibiotics until period arrived.

Original poster
Tulalalala · 06/04/2022 18:49

Why doesn't he want another child?

He already has 3 (not all with me) so wouldn't want any more. Feels like he doesn't want to go back again to that stage of life.

I would have liked another but not desperately so, so I can cope with it. But the idea that if we ever found ourselves caught out he'd not be there to support put a sour taste in my mouth.

And YY to the vasectomy. We are at a standoff right now because he's insisting he doesn't want the snip but I'm insisting I don't want to be responsible for contraception anymore and certainly no more hormonal types.

OP posts:
Isobelslider · 06/04/2022 18:51

I'd politely remind him that contraception is not your sole responsibility. And tell him to get his dick away from you.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 06/04/2022 18:51

He sounds like an idiot if he won't have the snip

Wingingthis · 06/04/2022 18:54

God that’s an awful thing to say! Accidents happen, I got pregnant on the pill (didn’t miss any) kept the baby who is now my gorgeous 4 year old.
Would your DH jump off a bridge if this happened to you?!!

withsexypantsandasausagedog · 06/04/2022 18:55

As other posters have said, I would avoid sex with himand tell him that you are worried about pregnancy.

5128gap · 06/04/2022 18:55

Is he given to over dramatic statements to make a point? If not, then I'd be very very concerned. Should there be a pregnancy that he is jointly responsible for, he intends to abdicate the responsibility, leaving it to you, when he refuses to take the action that would protect you both. I'd have to revisit this and understand if he meant it as it would be serious for me if he did. Also why a man who doesn't want children within your relationship refuses to close the door on that option for himself.

bellac11 · 06/04/2022 18:55

Did he actually mean it or was it just an overly dramatic and exaggerated comment about how awful he might feel if another child came along?

Perhaps he clumsily was trying to show how strongly he felt in case you were wondering about having another?

Ionlydomassiveones · 06/04/2022 18:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Phobiaphobic · 06/04/2022 19:07

@Tulalalala

Why doesn't he want another child?

He already has 3 (not all with me) so wouldn't want any more. Feels like he doesn't want to go back again to that stage of life.

I would have liked another but not desperately so, so I can cope with it. But the idea that if we ever found ourselves caught out he'd not be there to support put a sour taste in my mouth.

And YY to the vasectomy. We are at a standoff right now because he's insisting he doesn't want the snip but I'm insisting I don't want to be responsible for contraception anymore and certainly no more hormonal types.

Don't sleep with him then. He's an irresponsible petulant man child.
Summerhillsquare · 06/04/2022 19:08

So he has all the power and you bear all the responsibility? Time to reverse that dynamic!

azimuth299 · 06/04/2022 19:15

This is so unfair! Can you not tell him that you'll be stopping hormonal contraception on x date, so if he feels that strongly he needs to arrange a vasectomy or other contraception, or abstinence. It's awful that he's expecting you to take responsibility for this when its apparently a life-threatening risk for him Hmm

stuntbubbles · 06/04/2022 19:16

That would be me celibate, then. I couldn’t sleep with someone who thought this way.

YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 06/04/2022 19:23

Not unreasonable. I’d be really disappointed in my partner if they “joked” about that. And I’d sure as hell not be sexually attracted to him either. So vasectomy or not, there would definitely be no accidents anyway.

WonderfulYou · 06/04/2022 19:28

I think you’re being a little bit sensitive.
I am a female and I am certain I don’t want anymore children and I make that clear.

I actually think you do want another child and that there was a part of you that hoped he’d change his mind or that you accidentally got pregnant and he would come round.

I think you need to loom into this and figure out if you want another child or not before it’s too late. He won’t change his mind.

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