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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband's comments about another baby

122 replies

Tulalalala · 06/04/2022 18:32

Me and DH were having the conversation recently about more DC. I wouldn't have minded another, he didn't (although he won't even consider getting a vasectomy ) but anyway, that's fine we've agreed no more.

However one comment keeps sticking with me.

Whilst we were talking be kept insisting if we ever did end up with another baby he would leave and not have anything to do with "it", even said at one point he'd jump off a bridge...

Anyway, this is not about him not wanting more DC, I have accepted that and it's fine. But I feel a bit pissed off about his other comments. Of course I'm not planning an accident and it likely will not happen but it makes me sad and annoyed to know if that ever did happen, he thinks he'd fuck off and not be there.

Anyway, AIBU to think this is pretty shit?

OP posts:

Boswellocks · 06/04/2022 19:29

I'd be giving him a push.

ThistlesAndUnicorns · 06/04/2022 19:32

@azimuth299

This is so unfair! Can you not tell him that you'll be stopping hormonal contraception on x date, so if he feels that strongly he needs to arrange a vasectomy or other contraception, or abstinence. It's awful that he's expecting you to take responsibility for this when its apparently a life-threatening risk for him

I agree with this. It makes me so mad woman are expected to put extra hormones into their body because a man refuses a straightforward operation.

He is clearly set against having another so it's time for him to actually take some precautions.

Or you could tell him from now on it's condoms only. I have a feeling he won't like that either.

GladAllOver · 06/04/2022 19:38

Sometimes with issues like this there is something to be said for both sides. But in this case it is extremely clear.
If he is so dedicated to having no more pregnancies he must be the one to ensure it. Simples.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 06/04/2022 19:47

'Whilst we were talking be kept insisting if we ever did end up with another baby he would leave and not have anything to do with "it", even said at one point he'd jump off a bridge.'

Please can you tell me why you are still with this irresponsible person ??

WTF475878237NC · 06/04/2022 19:51

I am a female and I am certain I don’t want anymore children and I make that clear.

^ by threatening suicide?

MyVeryFirstCF · 06/04/2022 19:56

DH was of the mind that if we were to have an accidentally pregnant then he would prefer us to have a termination (we have 2 already). I didn't want another but didn't feel our circumstances would warrant a termination as we could have supported an unplanned child.

The only way to resolve this was to make bloody sure it didn't happen.

So DH got a vasectomy. This felt fair to both of us.

millymolls · 06/04/2022 19:59

I expect it was rather tongue in cheek or jest kind of similar to when we say I’m gonna kill someone ( when annoyed or whatever£ bit you don’t really mean it
I mean I’ve said similar such when friends have joked to me about a third - like, no flipping way I’d rather stick pins in my eyes etc

Luredbyapomegranate · 06/04/2022 20:00

It’s pretty extreme, but the big issue is feeling like that and not having a vasectomy. I wouldn’t be having sex till he does, pointing out that you don’t want to terminate/raise ‘it’ on your own, as he’s been clear he won’t be involved.

iheartmybeachhut · 06/04/2022 20:00

I'd be pushing him off the bridge for being a complete twat.

Luredbyapomegranate · 06/04/2022 20:02

@millymolls

I expect it was rather tongue in cheek or jest kind of similar to when we say I’m gonna kill someone ( when annoyed or whatever£ bit you don’t really mean it I mean I’ve said similar such when friends have joked to me about a third - like, no flipping way I’d rather stick pins in my eyes etc

@millymolls

Nice you can reassure the OP she doesn’t need to worry

Snaketime · 06/04/2022 20:11

He is the one who has made the decision of No more children and that he would leave if you accidentally fell pregnant, in that case he gets the snip. The only way to fully ensure no more kids is tubalitigation or vasectomy. His decision his problem!

Charbead49 · 06/04/2022 20:11

His comments, lack of respect for you and the shrugging of all responsibility now and in the future would be contraceptive enough for me

YoYoYoYoSup · 06/04/2022 20:13

@Rainallnight

Then he needs the snip. Or for you not to have sex with him.

This

Thumpkin · 06/04/2022 20:14

He’s being so selfish and irresponsible. Doesn’t want a baby but doesn’t want to do anything to prevent it. If an accident happens, he’ll abandon you all and kill himself. The full weight of responsibility for both things is entirely on you because of his threat - sterilisation or an abortion / single parenting - but I bet he’s still happy to have sex. Well, I wouldn’t have sex with him until he has had the snip. You probably don’t particularly want to have sex with him anyway after what he’s said to you.

Lemonlady22 · 06/04/2022 20:14

My husband said similar, 'we don't need another baby' wouldn't have the snip though. I did get pregnant and he asked me to get an abortion. I told him I would be perfectly fine with 3 children on my own and he could 'bugger off'. He stayed, she's 23 now, we are still together and they get on great. I've never forgotten that though. Awful comments are never forgotten.

mbosnz · 06/04/2022 20:16

So, he doesn't want any more kids, he knows you are open to it, and he's too lazy to do what he could do, to ensure he doesn't have any more kids? Fool.

Dude, get the snip, use condoms, grow up and take some responsibility - sounds like he's well overdue.

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 06/04/2022 20:20

Why are you with this person? He sounds bloody awful.

bellac11 · 06/04/2022 20:28

Ive seen the bit where OP says he doesnt want a vasectomy but missed the bit where he is refusing to use condoms?

iheartmybeachhut · 06/04/2022 20:29

Nobody 'needs a baby', but he is being very silly about it if he won't have the snip.

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 06/04/2022 20:31

@bellac11

Ive seen the bit where OP says he doesnt want a vasectomy but missed the bit where he is refusing to use condoms?

He's threatening suicide so I don't understand why he isn't going for bullet proof contraception, because we all know that condoms aren't 100% effective.

winterchills · 06/04/2022 20:44

Cheeky prick! He should go and have the vasectomy then shouldn't he

Sunnytwobridges · 06/04/2022 20:45

I understand how he feels, but he should be taking precautions then if he feels so strongly about it.

bellac11 · 06/04/2022 20:48

Is he threatening suicide?

Agreed that condoms are not as effective as vasectomy.

mbosnz · 06/04/2022 20:48

I really don't understand why if you're the one who really doesn't want another baby, particularly if you are the male and obviously don't have the final say on a termination, why you don't take all possible steps within your power to ensure you don't impregnate a woman.

It's also a shit load less invasive than female sterilisation, coil, and by the time we've got there, most of us have done our time with the pill.

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 06/04/2022 20:51

@bellac11

Is he threatening suicide?

Agreed that condoms are not as effective as vasectomy.

Well, I don't think people who jump off bridges do it for their health 🙄

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