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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's comments about another baby

122 replies

Tulalalala · 06/04/2022 18:32

Me and DH were having the conversation recently about more DC. I wouldn't have minded another, he didn't (although he won't even consider getting a vasectomy Hmm) but anyway, that's fine we've agreed no more.

However one comment keeps sticking with me.

Whilst we were talking be kept insisting if we ever did end up with another baby he would leave and not have anything to do with "it", even said at one point he'd jump off a bridge...

Anyway, this is not about him not wanting more DC, I have accepted that and it's fine. But I feel a bit pissed off about his other comments. Of course I'm not planning an accident and it likely will not happen but it makes me sad and annoyed to know if that ever did happen, he thinks he'd fuck off and not be there.

Anyway, AIBU to think this is pretty shit?

OP posts:
LuaDipa · 07/04/2022 12:42

I’m this situation, accidentally falling pregnant again would be a non-issue for me as I couldn’t go near such a pathetic specimen. He doesn’t want any more kids but is putting the onus completely on you to stop him having any more kids? Fuck that.

Honestly I would ltb.

Pyewhacket · 07/04/2022 13:09

And YY to the vasectomy. We are at a standoff right now because he's insisting he doesn't want the snip but I'm insisting I don't want to be responsible for contraception anymore and certainly no more hormonal types.

...... so that's the end of your marriage then. Sad.

FOJN · 07/04/2022 13:16

If my DH said that to me id suggest he took himself off for a vasectomy if he felt that strongly about another child and there'd be no sex until it was done

Couldn't agree more. There is no way I'd have sex with a man who told me he'd leave if I got pregnant again and then left me the all the responsibility for preventing it happening.

I'd be quite tempted to tell the manchild to fuck off anyway, I'd struggle to respect a man who made such comments. Pregnancy is a known outcome from having sex, if he can't handle that he shouldn't be having sex.

PlntLady · 07/04/2022 13:23

Isnt there a male contraceptive pill you can take these days? Sure I read about it the other day. Put that on him.

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/04/2022 13:25

Abstain or the snip, that’s what I would be saying!

Scoobygang7 · 07/04/2022 13:38

@PlntLady

Isnt there a male contraceptive pill you can take these days? Sure I read about it the other day. Put that on him.
Not yet; they've been looking at it for years. However, keep pulling it as it causes hormonal and mental health issues for the menfolk. Funnily the same as the current female contraceptive pills do for us. Apparently, that's fine for us, though; we just have to cope. Men can't be dealing with that tho cam they.
Pyewhacket · 07/04/2022 13:38

@PlntLady

Isnt there a male contraceptive pill you can take these days? Sure I read about it the other day. Put that on him.
No there isn't. And vasectomy isn't risk free. I've seen PVPS treated with diamorphine.
Hmum0fthree · 07/04/2022 13:40

@Tulalalala DH didn't want the snip and we got caught out currently 37 weeks, iv told him no snip no sex, Iv birthed 2 children and now I'm having to go through a c-section. If he can't snip his little balls after all I will have done he can either get himself on love honey or out the door Hmm

You should tell your DH the same.

mbosnz · 07/04/2022 13:40

Vasectomy poses lower risk than female sterilisation.

Pyewhacket · 07/04/2022 13:48

@mbosnz

Vasectomy poses lower risk than female sterilisation.
I've never treated a female sterilisation patient. And experienced no problems myself.

I checked with Obs and Gynae the other day regarding another patient and they had only ever seen one complication.

BulletTrain · 07/04/2022 14:39

My cousin had to wait until she was 40 to have a hysterectomy. My DH was granted a vasectomy in one phonecall in his early 30s. Both have one child. Funny that.

EthelTheAardvark · 07/04/2022 15:04

If he's prepared to jump off a bridge to avoid being responsible for another child, then surely he's prepared to have a vasectomy.

HazelBite · 07/04/2022 15:31

I had a miscarriage as a result of an unplanned pregnancy, I was emotionally in a bad place so DH agreed that we should try for another child (already 2 DC's) anyway pregnancy confirmed, then the news that it was twins, my god didn't he complain about he'd only agreed to one! Grin
It wasn't until they were actually born that he stopped complaining, then was totally overwhelmed and became a totally involved father.
What I'm trying to say that if I had taken any notice of the way he carried on during the pregnancy I would have been a single Mother of four, but I realised that it was just his anxiety talking, and the reality wasn't as bad as his imaginings.

HELLITHURT · 07/04/2022 16:33

@BulletTrain

My cousin had to wait until she was 40 to have a hysterectomy. My DH was granted a vasectomy in one phonecall in his early 30s. Both have one child. Funny that.
A hysterectomy is not sterilisation
Perime · 07/04/2022 18:24

@Bubblesandsqueak1

Everyone saying a vasectomy is just a little op it's not over 30% end up with some kind of complications from failure to chronic pain
What are the statistics for women having complications after giving birth because I'm pretty sure they're not trotted out as quickly as this one is.
BulletTrain · 07/04/2022 19:15

@HELLITHURT Did I say it was? Did I give the reason for the procedure or say that was the reason for her wanting one? No, I did not.

Regardless a hysterectomy renders you infertile and despite it being recommended for her endometriosis, she had to wait until she was 40 "in case" she wanted another baby.

HELLITHURT · 07/04/2022 22:42

[quote BulletTrain]@HELLITHURT Did I say it was? Did I give the reason for the procedure or say that was the reason for her wanting one? No, I did not.

Regardless a hysterectomy renders you infertile and despite it being recommended for her endometriosis, she had to wait until she was 40 "in case" she wanted another baby.[/quote]
But this thread is talking about contraception not medical procedures?

How odd to talk about a medical procedure in the same context.

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2022 22:50

But this thread is talking about contraception not medical procedures?

What would you call a vasectomy?

HELLITHURT · 07/04/2022 22:56

@PurpleDaisies

But this thread is talking about contraception not medical procedures?

What would you call a vasectomy?

Contraception I've not met a man yet that's had it as a medically required procedure?

Have you?

My point was a hysterectomy was a medically required procedure

A sterilisation isn't.

Hope that helps!

PurpleDaisies · 07/04/2022 23:01

A man wouldn’t be refused an operation on his testicles if it would cause him to become sterile. You totally missed the point that that poster was making. Women are regularly refused sterilisation because they might change their mind later. It is not a level playing field in terms of men and women getting sterilised.

Hope that helps!

DrBrennerFan · 07/04/2022 23:46

I nagged for nearly 15 years to get sterilisation finally got it when I was 36.

BulletTrain · 08/04/2022 08:52

@PurpleDaisies

A man wouldn’t be refused an operation on his testicles if it would cause him to become sterile. You totally missed the point that that poster was making. Women are regularly refused sterilisation because they might change their mind later. It is not a level playing field in terms of men and women getting sterilised.

Hope that helps!

Thank you for explaining so I didn't have to reiterate my point for a third time. Grin
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