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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When men say "I prefer women without make-up"...

711 replies

ThingThatIBring · 05/04/2022 18:10

AIBU to think that when men say "I prefer women without make-up" that they don't usually know what they're talking about (and don't usually have a clue that women ARE wearing it)?

The reality of this statement is usually:

  • I don't like it when women wear really obvious MAKE-UP make-up (loads of lippy and false eyelashes etc) or when it's badly applied (making it obvious);
  • I like really good-looking fresh-faced young women whose complexions, etc., look smooth without it;
  • I like to think of myself as very wholesome (and maybe a bit of a feminist).

What they DON'T mean (but don't realise they don't mean) is:

  • I prefer the look of the average woman of my own age without any make-up on.

I know so many men who say this, and it always mildly irritates me as it's said like it's a kind of virtue.

As a post-mating-phase human, it's not like it really affects my life. But it always makes me feel for all the women who are still in a position where they're affected by this nonsense...

OP posts:
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18
MrOllivander · 05/04/2022 19:02

@BOOTS52

I had an ex say this to me once. I always wear make up but more for a natural look but it does make such a difference. Makes me feel better about myself and definitely look better and healthier. I told him to feck off and next time saw him had a stronger lipstick on to just annoy him. I think some men think we put on make-up to attract other men and they do not like if we get attention, which in fact most of us women put make up on for nobody but ourselves. Anyway he was an arsehole who started putting me down slowly hence why an ex.
I think it depends how they say it I get "you're so pretty without makeup" Then I put makeup on and get "you look amazing" Basically he doesn't seem to care either way GrinConfused and i am "go to the opticians please"

If it was "I prefer you with no makeup" I would tell him to feck off

Cervinia · 05/04/2022 19:02

I’ve never heard it. But then I highly doubt many men would know the difference between a bit of blush, fountain and mascara and absolutely no make up.

Anyway who gives a fk what they think.

SilverDoe · 05/04/2022 19:02

Oh and I totally agree that if it's a man in your life like your partner etc who is saying they think you as an individual look great without makeup and they prefer you that way, is obviously completely different :)

lightisnotwhite · 05/04/2022 19:03

I think they mean women that don’t look like they wear it. They like someone that looks the same in the morning ( so minimal make up).

I am a strong featured mixed race woman. I don’t need mascara, eyebrow stuff or foundation. So that makes lipstick look odd. I look overdone with a bit of eyeliner.

I genuinely have only been out with men that say they don’t like make up. Maybe if I was standard white I might need a bit of something to look healthier though so my opinion might be different.

Comedycook · 05/04/2022 19:03

@chiefwiggumsboy
I honestly don't know what you have found so offensive about my post?

D0lphine · 05/04/2022 19:03

They mean they like natural looking makeup in quiet colours.

Or sometimes they mean they don't like really obvious surgery like really obvious fake lips, boobs, butts, Botox, fillers, facelifts.

Original poster
ThingThatIBring · 05/04/2022 19:05

@hotpinkkettle, a virtue in you? That's what I meant. And as a preference for the look of "women in general". Not sure that's what your referring to here. Great that you find it a positive quality of your wife - no issue with that.

OP posts:
Luxembourgmama · 05/04/2022 19:07

@Stompythedinosaur

When men say "I prefer women without make up" they are really announcing "I am a misogynistic that you thinks any woman cares what I think about their appearance. I probably also have a toxic idea about purity of my sexual partners and think I can dress it up as being a Nice Guy."
100% this
Sushi7 · 05/04/2022 19:07

These particular men can’t see the eye lash extensions, eye brow makeup, tinted moisturiser, contour and nude lipstick.

DrSbaitso · 05/04/2022 19:09

Dolly Parton wears it in spades, plus wigs, and the world would be a much better place if we were all as virtue-less, shallow, vain and morally degenerate as she is.

SailingNotSurfing · 05/04/2022 19:10

I had a boyfriend who told me he thought my painted toenails looked tarty. He was an ex-boyfriend within 10 seconds of that remark.

Booboobibles · 05/04/2022 19:10

@DrSbaitso

Incidentally, does contouring work in real life? It's witchcraft in still photos and filtered videos where you don't change your angle much, but given it works by creating the illusion of light and shadow in certain places, doesn't this look a bit weird in real life where the lighting isn't fixed?

I'm trying to decide if it's worth learning.

Yes it looks silly but you can do a very light contour and it makes quite a difference. You can just do round your hairline, a bit under cheekbones and I do a bit under and on top of my nose because darker areas recede and my nose is on the large side!
RantyAunty · 05/04/2022 19:10

I don't even put up with it these days.

My response is, "why are you telling me this?"

BOOTS52 · 05/04/2022 19:10

I have an older brother who used to always say things like that about make up, he doesn't like it, doesn't like his wife to wear it but then again he expects his dinner on the table at 5pm every evening, old fashioned views on women says it all.

Wherearemymarbles · 05/04/2022 19:11

I wonder if they equate make up the with average slug browed insta model or a real house wives of participant.

Which is certainly not my cup of tea.

DrSbaitso · 05/04/2022 19:12

Thank you, @Booboobibles. Any recommendations of products for a dead beginner?

Gribbie · 05/04/2022 19:12

YABU - my hubby hates the smell of it, not bothered either way about the look. I'm not keen either so it works out well.

DrSbaitso · 05/04/2022 19:13

@BOOTS52

I have an older brother who used to always say things like that about make up, he doesn't like it, doesn't like his wife to wear it but then again he expects his dinner on the table at 5pm every evening, old fashioned views on women says it all.
I'd love to see what he logs on to watch after dinner's over. Barefaced Babes, I'm sure.
OfstedOffred · 05/04/2022 19:13

I like it when men say this to me. But then I dont really wear much makeup at all and certainly not foundation etc where you essentially cover up your skin.

I would find DH way less attractive/sexy if his skin had stuff covering it so it never strikes me as untrue.

wishing3 · 05/04/2022 19:14

I think a lot of men are indifferent to if you’re wearing make up or not but I guess that’s more about settling into a relationship than aesthetics.

stormswiftlysweetafton · 05/04/2022 19:14

I think it's possible that men might prefer women without makeup. I definitely think many men prefer light makeup (a "natural" look) to heavy makeup.

I've never worn much makeup, certainly not when I'm just around the house (which is almost always, now), and I honestly don't think DH notices or cares if/when I wear makeup. He notices my clothes, but makeup? No.

We should do what makes us happy. When I do wear makeup, it's to make me feel more comfortable in social settings. I hate the way it feels on my skin after a few hours, though.

ancientgran · 05/04/2022 19:15

My DH likes women who are well made up, when he was young he was a dancer and he likes the dancer look, make up and hair dragged back in a bun.

I don't wear make up and I've got short hair. He seems to cope.

oakleaffy · 05/04/2022 19:17

@Comedycook

I've heard it from loads of men...it can mean several things

They only want a woman who is naturally beautiful

They think women who wear a lot of make up are a bit loose

They don't actually prefer no make up.. they just think they're meant to say that

Definitely this.

Well applied makeup looks like none at all.

Fairyliz · 05/04/2022 19:17

@Momijin

I know plenty of women who look better without make up.
I don’t know any woman who looks better without carefully applied makeup. Who wouldn’t like to have longer lashes, brighter eyes, clearer skin fuller lips? These can all be achieved or certainly improved on with makeup.
Gribbie · 05/04/2022 19:17

Oh, he doesn't give a toss what other women do with their faces. Would never tell me what to do either. I prefer to be make up free 99% of the time.