To be furious mum is alone in hospital?

[EmmaH2022]

I know I'm not
Mum is in a hospital corridor going into hour 6 after a suspected heart attack
They wouldn't let me go with her
Did they inject everyone with insanity?
She's 83.

I should be worried that she's going to die, but something about dying on a trolley gives me the RAGE. I wish I'd been here. I would never have let them take her to the hospital. I could at least have tried a private one.

No one answers the phone at the hospital obviously.

What happens if i just turn up in the morning?

So sorry you are dealing with this - had similar recently with my lovely 93yo dad (who sadly died but not through lack of care at the hospital).

The whole system is overwhelmed at my local hospital in Kent.

YANBU at all OP. Its disgraceful. I say that as a front line NHS staff member who is pushing for this ridiculous rule to be removed at her own hospital. I hope your mum makes a full recovery.

Thing is, in the past when I’ve been waiting with someone, on a ward or whatever, if then needed to go to the loo but couldn’t quite manage alone, I would help them. If they needed a drink but the jug had run out, or was out of reach, again I could do that. This meant there was no need to use the call bell etc and take a member of staff away from their other duties for what is a minor but necessary aspect of care, and also meant those staff were able to concentrate on the people who DIDNT have anyone with them so did need to use the call bell.

But now everyone is alone. So they will be relying of staff to do all those little things. And we know they are massively under staffed.

So less staff having to run around more. And quite possibly this stuff is getting missed.

The more understaffed they are, they more they need visitors to help with those minor aspects

It really is inhumane. Having a relative there can mean the difference between an elderly person pulling through or not. My FIL died alone after 3 weeks in hospital without a single visitor being allowed. We were allowed to see the body after he'd died though!! I am sure his outcome would have been different if we'd been allowed to see him and boost his morale. We would all have been happy to pay for a test to visit him!

Name changed for this as don't like to talk about my time in the nhs much but...

One of the (many) reasons I quit being a Dr was because of working in hugely under resourced and often unsafe NHS hospitals where no matter what you did you knew you weren't providing the level of care that patients (or your family) deserved. It was 90% fighting fires and so hugely demoralising as well as incredibly stressful feeling out of your depth so much with no where to turn to for support. I will say though that the vast majority of staff I worked with were genuinely trying their best, the NHS might be broken but the people who work for it do actually care, no one wants to provide shit care and watch people suffer, have to face families and explain why yet again x,y or z hasn't happened. For me the positives of working for the NHS didn't come anywhere close to outweighing the negatives and I was fortunate enough to be able to get out whilst my mental health was salvageable.

My mum died alone in hospital 4 days before Christmas to protect staff.

I only put my mil example on here because forewarning is forearmed.

The rings are the least of it. My husband hasn't asked about that. He was so traumatised, he stayed with her to the end and he's blamed himself for not listening to her and insisting she went in to be checked over.

He spoke to her the following day, she had her mobile but no charger. I delivered a charger to reception, I wasn't allowed in the hospital
The charger never arrived to her. So her independent means of communication was no longer available. We tried to speak with her, but the staff were too busy to get the phone to her, although they assured us she was fine, right up to when she wasn't.

I think she was confused as hell. All she needed was someone to care for her, ensuring she ate and drank and was not left alone.

I wondered at the time whether this was an isolated issue or whether more elderly vulnerable people were suffering. I would like to do something as it sounds like not an isolated experience.

We haven't complained because I have experience with that and know that it's a futile exercise. Mil is dead, nothing will change that. A complaint ime doesn't make systems change. On order for systems to change and for lessons learned we have to be a big number of people affected

This doesn't change anything for the OPs Mum on a trolley in a and e.

What should change is vulnerable people to be able to have a named carer with them. Surely we can campaign for that?

I have nothing but total sympathy for your rage.

What infuriates me is the hospitals get fined by the government for a&e breaches. So the more patients sitting in trolleys waiting for care/ward admission the more money the Trust has to shell out (it is a fortune). Then they have no money to actually fix the problem. My local A&E put up bank pay rates to cover sickness and high turnover, the one where my friend works cant afford to do this so staffing is dire and not enough peiple to see patients. Where I work bought a second CT scanner so more patients can be seen and faster, where my friend works they can't afford this. The blame for this lies with the government and these pointless fines imo. The idea of it makes sense on paper but as usual in reality just ends up making things worse.

@PlainJaneEyre

I have.

I was crying as I wrote it.

I can't understand how someone can be denied even basic pain relief.

Same as nhsnamechange, my dh gave up working for the NHS when the cuts made it impossible for him to provide the level of care and service the patients deserved. I had given up four years previously for the same reason.
I looked at going back into nursing in 2014, but after two utterly depressing shifts on a ward, I decided it wasn’t for me. Two HCAs looking after a ward full of elderly patients with varying levels of mobility and cognitive impairment. There were patients nursed on mattresses on the floor for their own safety and the two HCAs were carrying out care which was formerly only tasks for qualified nurses.
The one qualified nurse was so busy trying to find care or nursing homes to discharge those well enough to, and failing, she couldn’t do any hands on care. Every single interaction with patients, however fleeting, had to be documented to the point where there wasn’t time to actually provide care. One woman in her nineties was left to die alone because there wasn’t anyone to sit with her. The whole experience was utterly heartbreaking and I knew I couldn’t be a part of it.
So many of my friends, who have been nurses and drs since the late 80s have either given up or moved overseas (like us) for better working conditions and to be able to provide the level of care we’ve been trained for and want to give.
Every person I know who has stayed in the NHS is working fantastically hard to try to find ways of providing some level of care, but it’s becoming impossible. The government are certainly achieving their goal of running it into the ground and making it ‘not fit for purpose’. It’s so sad, but I’m glad I won’t have to live with the consequences.
I’m so sorry you and your Mum are having such a horrible experience and I hope she gets better very soon.

I’m so sorry OP and for those with all these awful stories of horrendous care.
I never once clapped for the NHS and I’m not afraid to say that. It’s not a charity - it’s a hugely wasteful, appallingly run disaster. The staff are mostly amazing - but that’s not the point.
When people end up worse off in hospital than out - it is extremely worrying.
There is no alternative sadly - and we are all at the mercy of it.

[quote ChiswickFlo]@PlainJaneEyre

I have.

I was crying as I wrote it.

I can't understand how someone can be denied even basic pain relief.[/quote]
Heres how.
There is one Junior Dr on duty for around 72 very sick patients, they also have to cover their Speciality in ED.
The RN has been calling and calling for them to come and assess the patient, nigh on 3 hours, they cant give until its prescribed.
The inform the NIC who says to do an incident report.
The Jr Dr is racing from patient to patient, basically dealing with the life threatening cases first.
Rinse and repeat for 12.5 hours, 24/7/ 365.

So if any of you have voted Tory, slated staff time and again or clapped then go and look in the mirror.
You voted for this

I feel for the decent staff
I do
But so many aren't decent now...whether that's the post brexit skills drain or just burn out I'm not sure

@JaniieJones

' MIL just had major risky surgery, was in for 2 weeks and wasn't allowed one single visitor.'

This is absolutely wrong imo. Surely one nominated visitor per family to bring in clean underwear and nightwear should be possible. It's absolutely shocking, the emotional support from family is vital and the way even now hospitals are not allowing visitors is crazy.

Covid is everywhere, we know that. Refusing a poorly, elderly patient one nominated visitor will not stop the spread, it is futile and cruel.

I know. She knew she'd be in for a while so had to pack for that length of stay as nobody was allowed in. Barbaric that even her husband wasn't allowed in, he would have tested continuously with no bother.

I read the previous post about logging in to the one computer and the time it takes whilst shaking my head. My two sons both have laptops and tablets supplied by their employers. No using anyone else’s. Why is the NHS so mindblowingly inefficient? It’s stuck in the 1980’s. Why accept conditions like this that make it impossible to do your job.

@bitemyarsenic

Firstly I voted Labour and remain but nice try

Secondly my mum didn't need a Dr to get a saline drip or iv pain meds and indeed didn't see any Dr until nearly 24 hours after she presented at a&e

poor care is poor care

Hope that helps

I used to work in the NHS (admin)

It's hugely inefficient and the IT systems make you weep they are so slow

I was asked to complain by the staff btw....

Sunnysideup I didn’t clap either. Lot of claptrap. I was more concerned for the cancer patients that had no treatment while Covid was using all the resources.

@Malibuismysecrethome

Sunnysideup I didn’t clap either. Lot of claptrap. I was more concerned for the cancer patients that had no treatment while Covid was using all the resources.

I did it once Then my cousin who is a nurse asked me to stop So I did

@bitemyarsenic was waiting for the “you voted Tory your fault” post.

Can you explain NHS Wales then? Which is horrendously run and is at breaking point. Probably worse than NHS England.

I'm so sorry. I wasn't allowed to be with my 12 year old when he had his overdose last year. He was in resus, hdu, narrowly avoided being transferred to big children's hospital PICU. His dad was with him but we would normally tag team so we can both get a chance to sleep, eat, go to the loo and try to keep things normal for our other dc. I had to go to a genetics appointment for my son without his dad. So dh wasn't allowed to come the appointment getting his own test results. My severely disabled 8 year old is having major surgery soon. I'm dreading it because I have to do everything on my own, nobody to sit with my son while I get food, go to the loo etc.

I get that patients are vulnerable etc, my son is too. But I think that if we can bring back some restrictions in the community then the hospitals will be able to reduce some of their restrictions.

Just go, Emma. There's no point in you stressing and posting here when you could be well on your way to the hospital. It's a long journey so the sooner you leave the better.

Whatever has been said, 'they', whoever they are, are not going to stop you being with your mother at this time. The restrictions are supposed to have been lifted, according to the government; we know Covid isn't 'over' but surely things are much better. If you go out anywhere people seem to be back to normal, even go on holiday. My son took a friend to A&E last year during lockdown and was allowed to stay with them.

Your mother may not be bothered about being in a corridor if she is drifting in and out of sleep. I had a similar experience after being admitted to hospital about three years ago and being in a corridor for quite a while was no less comfortable than being on the ward; I was regularly monitored.

Stop procrastinating and just get going if you haven't already.

I do hope your mother is at least comfortable for now.

@elliejjtiny

I'm so sorry. I wasn't allowed to be with my 12 year old when he had his overdose last year. He was in resus, hdu, narrowly avoided being transferred to big children's hospital PICU. His dad was with him but we would normally tag team so we can both get a chance to sleep, eat, go to the loo and try to keep things normal for our other dc. I had to go to a genetics appointment for my son without his dad. So dh wasn't allowed to come the appointment getting his own test results. My severely disabled 8 year old is having major surgery soon. I'm dreading it because I have to do everything on my own, nobody to sit with my son while I get food, go to the loo etc.

I get that patients are vulnerable etc, my son is too. But I think that if we can bring back some restrictions in the community then the hospitals will be able to reduce some of their restrictions.

Christ.

I'm so, so sorry x

My lft is negative so I get to go and see mum later. Hoping I can speak to surgical registrar but unlikely.