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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was totally inappropriate parenting?

490 replies

eggstremereaction · 03/04/2022 15:55

Couldn't resist the username opportunity whilst name changing but genuinely upset about what happened

2 year old had a kinder egg as a treat, had spent hours going on about it, was very excited, literally shaking and stamping his feet when the lady in the shop passed it to him at the tills (yes over reaction but he is little) anyway I don't let him open until we get gone and he's very good doesn't try and open it the car, keeps saying "I excited" and giggling, was very cute and dh and me were both laughing finding it cute

Got home, I went and got a bowl to put it in, gave it to toddler, he was happy and took it into the lounge and broke it up in the bowl. Came running in with the toy asking me to open it which I did but doing so left dog unattended around egg which he'd left on the sofa so he went running back in to eat it and it was gone and he was hysterical, so upset. I thought it was fair enough, he's two! He was excited. Yes it's only a chocolate egg but he's tiny and isn't going to react like an adult would. Dh said it was ridiculous, huge overeaction, started saying his excitement in the first place was too intense for chocolate, unhealthy reaction blah blah blah. I went to go back in the car and get him another one, shops only 5 mins and it was like 60p it doesn't matter and it'll make him happy and dh said if I dare go get him an egg I am completely undermining his parenting. So toddler just kept crying. He was saying he was sad and wanted an egg, in the end I said to dh I'm just going to get one and I jumped in the car.

Got back and could hear screaming from the driveway. Toddler was in his room (behind closed stair gate) dh saying you can come out when you stop crying. Pathetic it's an egg. I went and got toddler and took him downstairs and gave him his egg and said it is completely ok to be upset, he's not in any trouble and to just be very careful to not leave food around the dog so this doesn't happen again as I won't always be able to go get a replacement. Dh really annoyed that I undermined him and said I'm too soft and he's going to be a spoilt entitled boy. He just wanted a bloody kinder egg.

Was I unreasonable or was this really inappropriate on his part?

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 03/04/2022 16:47

i woudl have done the same op xx

passportpanics · 03/04/2022 16:47

@WonderfulYou

You both are BU.

Dogs, toddlers and food are not a good mix - he ran into you to open it meaning there was no one supervising him whilst eating it and no matter how friendly your dog is that is not a good mix.

I also think it’s ridiculous that you went to get into the car to drive and get him another kinder egg!!

He needs to learn that you can’t just get in the car and drive to the shop just to buy one small thing like that - if you carry on like that he is going to turn out very spoilt and you’ll end up making a rod for your own back.

He still had the toy and you could have said we’ll get you another one next time we go or even had a nice stroll there later on.
But jumping in the car straight away is very OTT.

Your DHs reaction was by far the worst!
I too would be upset if my dog ate something I was looking forward to so much.

I completely understand his reaction to you wanting to buy him another and his parenting is probably a reflection of your parenting - he knows what your son will turn out like if there is no discipline so he needs to be the one to do that if you’re not going to.
But he is still very young and there’s a way to discipline without being cruel.

You both could do with some reflection on your parenting and try and get on the same page else you’re going to have these problems for the next 18+ years.

So what would you have done?
Clymene · 03/04/2022 16:47

Your husband is being a dick. You don't have to back shit parenting.

Newyearnewme2022 · 03/04/2022 16:49

Early exposure to chocolate Grin fucking bonkers.

How was your DH parented by his father op, was he bullied? You did the right thing replacing the egg, your poor little boy.

Also as your already know your dog will be absolutely fine.

Deadringer · 03/04/2022 16:49

Your dh is being more childish than your child.

FollowtheLizards · 03/04/2022 16:50

Your H's flip in attitude seems inappropriate and potentially confusing to your son. If H was laughing along about how excited S was in the car then it's very wrong to suddenly be so stern when he lost the egg. Agree with PPs that your dog needs to be supervised/kept away from toddler when he has food.

Kite22 · 03/04/2022 16:50

@WonderfulYou

You both are BU.

Dogs, toddlers and food are not a good mix - he ran into you to open it meaning there was no one supervising him whilst eating it and no matter how friendly your dog is that is not a good mix.

I also think it’s ridiculous that you went to get into the car to drive and get him another kinder egg!!

He needs to learn that you can’t just get in the car and drive to the shop just to buy one small thing like that - if you carry on like that he is going to turn out very spoilt and you’ll end up making a rod for your own back.

He still had the toy and you could have said we’ll get you another one next time we go or even had a nice stroll there later on.
But jumping in the car straight away is very OTT.

Your DHs reaction was by far the worst!
I too would be upset if my dog ate something I was looking forward to so much.

I completely understand his reaction to you wanting to buy him another and his parenting is probably a reflection of your parenting - he knows what your son will turn out like if there is no discipline so he needs to be the one to do that if you’re not going to.
But he is still very young and there’s a way to discipline without being cruel.

You both could do with some reflection on your parenting and try and get on the same page else you’re going to have these problems for the next 18+ years.

This sums up everything.

You and your dh are going to have to do a LOT of talking about this to resolve it now.

Your dc will very quickly pick up how to get things if you undermine each other. I think your dh's way of dealing with it was wrong, but nor would I have got in the car to go out to specially buy another.
He is 2 !
Distract with a different treat.
I agree with everything WonderfulYou has said about the whole situation.

Sunshine1235 · 03/04/2022 16:51

I’m 37 and I would be devastated if I’d bought myself some chocolate as a treat and then my dog ate it. But I’m an adult and would control those feelings to a certain extent (and probably go straight out and buy an other one) but he is 2 feeling those feelings and stronger. It’s a very normal and understandable reaction and not one to be punished in my opinion if you want him to grow up with a healthy approach to emotions

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 03/04/2022 16:52

My dearly departed dog got a hold of my very expensive treat bar of chocolate that I’d been saving and looking forward to and dribbled all over it while managing to munch a weeny corner. It was still ruined and had to go in the bin. I cried. I was 30.

Your ‘D’H needs to have a come to Jesus moment about the fact that while they’re so tiny the small things feel like huge things. It’d be the equivalent of scraping your brand new fancy car on the first day of having it for an adult. How you help them get through the processing of their emotions lays the groundwork for how they deal with things later in life. Ask him how he’d feel if he was really upset about something and you locked him in his room and called him pathetic.

Fairislefandango · 03/04/2022 16:52

Ffs. He's two! Your 'd'h has absolutely no comprehension whatsoever of how toddlers function or their non-existent ability to regulate their moods and reactions, does he?

Branleuse · 03/04/2022 16:52

Im amazed that such an enormous deal had to be made out of a kinder surprise in the first place. Not allowed to eat it, puts it into a bowl, breaks it up, then leaves it to get you to make the toy, even before the palaver of the dog getting it and your husband being a dick about the whole thing.

Orangutanteddy · 03/04/2022 16:53

You're all unreasonable. It was silly of you to let the child leave the chocolate where the dog could get it. DH could have been more sympathetic to the child but I don't understand why you ran off to get another one. A load of fuss over a child eating a kinder egg.

Minniem2020 · 03/04/2022 16:53

Your H is a prick.
I'd have done exactly the same as you.

AntiHop · 03/04/2022 16:53

He's only 2. You did the right thing for a child that age. Your h is a bully.

ZenKaleidoscope · 03/04/2022 16:56

That's awful of your husband to do that. Does he understand anything about what is expected of for little ones at certain ages? What has he been like up until now? How are you going to tackle this with him? As this can be really damaging to your child.

Buttercup54321 · 03/04/2022 16:57

Your husband sounds like a controlling bully. Glad you ignored him.
Dog will be fine.
Toy in egg a choking hazard though.

rwalker · 03/04/2022 16:59

Thing is we are any getting your side .Egg gone and DS tantruming we don't know if he had already tried to clam him down no joy and put him in his room as a last resort

The only thing I'm sure of you are both undermining each other.
TBH if he was that upset I would of taken him with me to see he was getting another egg

ENoeuf · 03/04/2022 16:59

I think it’s weird to make such a ceremony over a kinder egg , i probably wouldn’t be treating sweets which such a fuss about having them and waiting and then getting bowls etc. It’s better to normalise them as part of a diet rather than make them so exciting.
Having said that your dh sounds quite unkind although I sympathise internally which his feelings about it’s only chocolate. Maybe if it wasn’t such a big deal your kid wouldn’t have been so upset?
Putting an already distraught kid in his room was sneaky and mean - your dh undermined you by doing this when you had gone to get a new egg and the plan was apparently to replace it because it was such a treat.

SlashBeef · 03/04/2022 16:59

This thread has everything 😂 how are some of you not embarrassed about how hysterical you've got over a kinder egg? Rushing to the vets over it? Get a grip. As for the toddlers early exposure to chocolate. I have no words. You're all batty.

BingBangB0ng · 03/04/2022 17:00

@SnackSizeRaisin

However I wouldn't have bought a new egg as it was sadly gone.

Imagine you were out in a pub having a drink with a friend (which you very rarely do and were really looking forward to) and accidentally knocked over your drink before you had drunk any. Would you have said "I won't have another drink as sadly it's gone" or would you cut yourself some slack and buy another drink?

I like this analogy. Makes it clear how absurd some of the ways we behave towards children are
Pipsquiggle · 03/04/2022 17:00

Why is your 'D'H expecting a 2 year old to have the emotional intelligence & coping skills of an older child / adult?

TBH I would be a bit annoyed if my dog mistakenly ate one of my treats and I am 45

Your DH sounds like a dick

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 03/04/2022 17:01

A 2yo can't just stop crying because of 'last resort' threat! Op wasn't gone long and her h was obviously annoyed before she left and didn't calm ds at all! You calm and soothe them until they're calm at thatbage, there is no issuing threats point!

Kdubs1981 · 03/04/2022 17:01

Honestly.... This is abusive towards your son. And shows and a lack of understanding of the psychology and abilities of toddlers. Your husband lost control

comealongponds · 03/04/2022 17:02

Your husband sounds vile.

Doesn’t sound like he has appropriate expectations of a toddler at all, does he actually do much any parenting himself? Other than trying to lay down the law?

velvet24 · 03/04/2022 17:02

Omg he is just 2, of course he will be upset over that, your dh is treating him like he's 12, not 2 !

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